the equivalent of a litter

Occasionally, I have crazy, non-fantastical, disturbing, lunatic-like, wake up in a sweat kind of dreams. 

My latest nightmare:

I was at the obgyn's office for my first ultrasound because I thought I was pregnant.  "How can that be at my age?" is what you are really thinking!  [perhaps, I have not admitted my real age]  Well, I did fall pg ... and I am sure you all know how that *technically* happens.  And if you don't ... I am sure there is plenty of "how-to" literature on the 'net and blogosphere. 

So, at the obgyn's for the more favorable "check" ... an ultrasound to determine if I am truly pg.  As if the bloodwork is going to lie.  AND, the bloodwork numbers have been extremely HIGH.  Ultrasound tech #1 did the scan and abruptly stopped.  I questioned her reaction.  She reassured me that she just needed Dr. C's second opinion.  So Dr. C entered the room to review the ultrasound machine.  Shortly after viewing my internal baby holding cell, he exclaimed, "You are having the equivalent of a litter!" 

"So was it "SUPER SWIMMERS" or Was it "SUPER OVA"?  I curiously, quietly question.

"done with poo*!"

eldest daughter came home from the "Pet Zone" determined to convince her dad that our house needed one more pet.  the city limit is three.  and we do, in fact, have a vacancy for one more furry or not-so-furry resident.

"dad, i want a dog!"

"no"

"but this little dog WILL have little poop"

"no"

"little tiny whoopy doo-doos!"

"no"

"well i did see a mommy white mouse who just had babies.  nine babies.  can i have one of the babies?"

"no"

i interject, "she will even take an ugly little white feeder mouse as a pet -- now that is caring!"

"but dad, i know a lady who will come pick up the poop for only ten dollars - she's called the 'poop-n-scoop lady'". 

"and maybe the 'poop-n-scoop lady' will cost less if we have a teeny tiny white mouse."

"done with poop," my husband confidently expressed to his daughters. no dogs. no cats. no mice. no bunnies. no pets. none. nada. zip. nil. nothing. noone. nobody. zilch. nein. ie.

apparently, husband doesn't read the blog... because clearly we are SO not done with poop. (see 1/28 post)

out of the closet - it's early, but who really cares?

webcams are fun! Find one on your next adventure!

Every day at 3:pm for husband and me

Every morning at 8:am for the children

We met in Peace Square every afternoon to say "Hello" to our children.

Here we are standing around...

Waving to a small little camera in a small little window...

In hopes that our little ones would be able to see us...

As we stood on the other side of the world.

Below is a picture of the wee little web camera that we waved to daily:

word of the moment

I pulled the dust-covered Webster's Dictionary off of the top shelf.  Ah, I have not seen this dear friend in a long time... guessing since the LSAT test... a few years ago. 

The letter tabs are completely worn off.  With all the technology these days, the words of the day from various web-sites, the on-line dictionaries, the on-line thesauruses ... my beloved blue dictionary has been forgotten.

I am going to open up the dictionary - at this precise moment - as I am typing this blog - and pick a word. 

The word is ...

paraphysis

 

page 901.  right hand column. that is where my prosthetic index pointer finger landed. 

Frankly, I doubt this word would EVER end up as a WORD OF THE DAY on any given web-site.  It is a new word for me... and again, I doubt I would EVER use this word in daily conversation - except...

The definition is...

n.  (pear-a-fi-zz-us) one of the sterile filaments accompanying the spore-carrying or sexual organs of certain fungi.

 

... except perhaps to refer to someone I despise (you know who you are) as a quixotic paraphysis.   One who has a very sterile personality.  And I am quite sure he is some kind of polycystic boil who resembles fungus!

Shopping Update ... almost 8 weeks

I have been very well behaved when it comes to my year-long "no shopping" adventure.  I have stayed away from all super centers, malls, boutiques, and on-line emails that are begging to be opened.  I am sure I have saved tons of money.  There is really ONLY one reason why I have been able to maintain my NO shopping adventure.  I have had the flu.  An on-going six week long flu!  Why won't this nasty flu bug go away?  Why don't I feel good?  Why does it affect my "mood" for spending money?  Why?  Why me? 

Except... on one rare "feel good" day...

I got three words for you...

"DAMN you, IKEA!"

a proper sentence?

my oldest daughter is quiet by nature.  she is thoughtful.  she is introverted.  she is serene.  she is shy.  until recently.  it is the second semester of school - which also means - oldest daughter begins to come alive.  she becomes more animated.  she is more comfortable.  she is very interested in sharing her life with her class.

teacher:  "we are going to discuss proper and improper sentences today."
teacher:  "can anyone think of an improper sentence?  for example, 'cat running', that is improper."

oldest daughter:  "yes, ma'am, i know one.  'i is going shopping'." 

teacher:  "excuse me!"

oldest daughter:  "i said i is going shopping.  i is going home.  i is doing my homework.  i is happy."  "i is, i is, i is, i is...."

got MLK?

In honor of MLK, there is no school, no mail, no bank, and no government offices at work today!

Here in FW, we have our own version of MLK

(Due to the insanity of all children at home today)

                                 Martinis

                                 Long Islands

                                 Kamikazes

embarrassing or not, they still come home with us

We are having a lovely outing at the park today since it is roughly 60 degrees.  A few other families have ventured to the park as well, since we have all been couped up for days with twenty degree highs. 

Littlest one "T", my most drama-queen-ish one, is preoccupied by a tantrum-throwing four year old boy.  The four year old is lying on the yellow slide, face down, feet in the sand, hands covering eyes, and squelching out the worst FAKE boy cry you have ever witnessed. 

Littlest "T" is studying this display with great admiration and curiosity.  Older "T's" are in their own little play world yet occasionally try with great determination to distract Littlest "T" from this tantrum scene.  Littlest "T" plays intermittently but always comes back to check on the tantrum boy. 

Eventually tantrum boy decides to leave the slide and continue his tantrum in his mother's arms.  I gotta believe it was due to Littlest "T" staring.  She was anything but discreet. 

So, as soon as tantrum boy leaves, my Littlest "T" goes over to the yellow slide.  She lays face down on the slide, covers her face with her hands, and begins to WAIL in her loudest FAKE girl cry.  She mimics the tantrum boy - exactly!  I pretend not to notice as I cover my mouth to avoid laughing.  The Older "T's" hear their sister and come running. 

"MOM!  Get her up ... she's making fun of that boy!"

"Who?  I don't know that little girl!"

Another child's dad is standing nearby and as I look up to meet his eye, he is laughing uproariously!

a joke, if you don't like tasteless jokes ... do not read

So I have a JOKE.  It is the ONLY joke I know.  It is the ONLY joke I can remember. EVER.  My funny, weaned on 4-letter words and liquor, Italian friend from Brooklyn told me this joke.  About 25 years ago.  And I have been told many jokes since then but I do NOT remember ANY of them.  Not even the "knock-knock" ones on the restaurant cup that my children read daily. 

DIRTY JOHNNY

Dirty Johnny is always late for school.  Daily.  On this particular day the teacher told Dirty Johnny that if he received ONE more tardy then he would have DETENTION for the rest of the year. 

That night Dirty Johnny set his alarm, went to bed early, and woke up really early to his alarm.

He got dressed.  Ate Breakfast.  Brushed his teeth.  And got on his bike to ride to school.

He pedaled really fast.  He was going along just fine.  He checked his watch.  Plenty of time.  He turned the corner.  Still pedaling real fast.  He checked his watch again.  Plenty of time. 

All of a sudden, he saw a dog get hit by a bus. 

Dirty Johnny stopped to help the dog.  He checked his watch again.  Uh-Oh.

Dirty Johnny got back on his bike.  Pedaled really fast all the way to school.  Ran inside.  Ran to his desk.

"Dirty Johnny", shouted his teacher.  "YOU are LATE!  That's it!  Detention for the rest of the year!"

"But, teacher, teacher, you don't understand," replied Dirty Johnny.  "I got up really early.  I got ready.  I had plenty of time.  I got on my bike.  I pedaled really fast.  I checked my watch.  I still had plenty of time.  I turned the corner.  And BAM, a dog got hit in the A$$ by a Bus!"

"Dirty Johnny, it's RECTUM", corrected his teacher.

"Wrecked him?  Wrecked him???"  "God damn bus nearly f*ckin' killed him!"

i suppose we have all had this desire

... and, by the way, what is he made out of?  Kryptonite?  Steel?  Shit?  Because the a$$hole didn't die!

Languages, Linguistics, Losinitall in a Pub Crawl

No need to worry about drinking and driving.

No need to worry about anything.

No need to know your destination.

Eventually you will end up at one of the 1000 pubs.

Drink RADEGAST

and

bE hApPy!!!

the "what if...?" game

What if we lived in a country/place where women are called damy?

How does one pronounce damy?

Damn-ee?

Dame-ee?

Damn?

I guess this is the place where America inherited the phrase "Damn woman" from!

2010 or bust!

It's only been ONE day... and

So far I have managed to keep all of my New Year Resolutions!

I haven't lifted a finger.

Not a creature or person to stir.

I haven't done a thing.

The days are normal and slowly returning.

Amazingly, I do not have even an ounce of remorse or GUILT.

PS  I dumped MILT

2011

Can you believe it is 2011?
Personally, I cannot.

My brain still cannot grasp the concept that 1994 was like 17 years ago!  It feels like maybe 4 years ago.  NOT 17. 

A funny thing happened... sort of...

I was on a field trip with my girls to one of my favorite small towns in North Texas.  We were in the Town Square... enjoying all the shops, sights and colors. 

The first shop stopped me... and told me I look so familiar and was I from there.  Nope.

The second shop asked again, if I was from there because I looked familiar.  No again.

The third shop gasped.  And I almost kissed the clerk with gratitude.  She said that she was startled when I turned around because I looked like thee Kate Middleton.  Well, maybe on a good day like 20 years ago.  ha ha.  But really I asked her where I could get some delusional snacks too.

The fourth shop asked again if I grew up here... No.  Not even close.  By about 2100 miles.  I claimed that I must have one of those faces today... the kind that looks familiar... or perhaps someone here looks like Me.  Who knows??

Well, that wasn't it.

The fourth shop lady-- who by the way looks like my mother's age-- said I look like a girl she went to school with. 

I paused because I about puked. 

I just stared and stared at that lady... because she looks like she is about 64 !! 

Or... maybe she was having a bad age day.

I blindly grabbed for my girls hands, leaving, and shockingly said "NO, I am not from here"... and "I must really look tired today!!

My daughter who was listening, asked, "So who is supposed to be happy here?  Do you look OLD?  Or does that lady just think she LOOKS young??"

Personally, I am going with the Kate Middleton thing.