my drivel

What do you do with a lot of ribbon?

2012-01-31T21:29:00.001-06:00

You make a ribbon topiary!
Of Course.

As we prepare for another household birthday, I wanted to create a unique "centerpiece" that could be used for four out of five birthdays in our home. (And if you live nearby, I would be happy to lend you our newly decorated centerpiece for your pink festivities.)

I love. love. love. PINK and GREEN. Love. Thus, Pink and Green is our color scheme.

Have a 'looky' at the fun ribbon:

In progress:

And the final product:

"A Birthday Celebration Centerpiece"

HappY CelebratinG !!!

Answer the Door.

2012-01-30T04:55:00.003-06:00

Here I sit, after an unexplained leave of absence, and ponder.

It has taken some time... and I have finally accepted the reality that...

PUBLISHER'S CLEARING HOUSE IS NOT KNOCKING ON MY DOOR!

Nor is Oprah.

Nor is Dr. Oz.

Nor is Dr. Phil.

I don't even hear so much as a tap, tap, tap. So, it is time to take control of my life and start pounding on their security-guarded, ten-camera, fiberglass doors. I am going to pound until they answer their dadgummit door!

I am not quite sure what I wlll say to Dr. Oz or Dr. Phil. But I am going to beg Oprah for just ONE of her favorite things (the amazing t-shirt bra?). And beg that PCH will hand me a well-earned gigantic check for 1,000,000 dollars.

Dear PCH,
It's Me. And I am patiently waiting to be surprised. Please make it a great surprise.
See you on 2/29!

Out to Lunch

2012-01-26T23:04:00.007-06:00

Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.
Always in a rush.
Rushing for nothing, really.

Anybody else have those kind of moments?

After school, we were in a "rush" to start and complete homework. We were in a hurry to start, complete, and eat dinner. We were in a rush to finish a project. To do dishes. To make lunches.

My daughter unpacked her backpack and brought me her lunch box. I checked it. Pretzels left over from today's lunch. Check. Water bottle replaced with a new water bottle. Check. I put the lunch box in the refrigerator. To get it off the counter and out of the way. And there it stayed.

Daughter: "How was your day?"
Me: "Busy. And yours?"
D: "Do you really want to know how my day was? Because I am tellling you that it was great until 11:45am. And do you want to know why it was horrible after that?"
Me: "Wellllll...."
D: "I'll tell you why. BECAUSE I'M STARVING. I MEAN REALLY STARVING. LIKE SUPER, SUPER HUNGRY!"
Me: "Oh no!"
D: "I wondered why my lunch box was so light. I had no idea what was going on."
Me: "It's an early April Fools!" ha ha ha. "Thank goodness you had pretzels and water still in there."
D: "My friends couldn't believe their eyes. How embarrassing!"
Me: "You could have at least eaten your pretzels!"
D: "I couldn't eat after looking inside my empty lunch box."

double. Or plus one?

2012-01-25T22:59:00.003-06:00

I really really suck at my part-part-part-time job.

I am never punctual.
I am never consistent.
I am never remembering.

Being a "Tooth Fairy" is tough!!

My daughter has lost 5 teeth in three weeks. Who does that? And what does she have -- "Super Teeth"? Or is it just a test of the reality of the "Tooth Fairy"?

OK, I know, being a "Tooth Fairy" is not difficult. Actually, it's quite easy. You wait until the newly detoothed child is asleep. You slip into their room. You grab the tooth. And replace it with the monetary gift of choice.

So, HOW can I possibly mess this job up ... each and every time??

1. Totally forgot about the tooth. Even though it was pulled at the Dentist office less than 6 hours ago.

2. The tooth fairy forgot again. Tooth Fairy slipped money under pillow during breakfast.

3. Tooth Fairy went to bed and never woke up ... until she heard the "SHE FORGOT AGAIN" scream at 6 o'clock in the morning. Tooth fairy came the next evening.

4. Tooth Fairy remembered the MONEY. But she forgot to take the tooth.

5. Tooth Fairy took the tooth but forgot the money! She needs to revisit.

In our house, we have a tooth fairy rule that was established at the very beginning... 5 years ago. "IF the TOOTH FAIRY doesn't come, then she brings DOUBLE the next night."

So that brings us to the fifth tooth...
And that brings me to my question:
If the detoothed child receives one dollar, and the tooth fairy forgets one night, then the following night she brings two dollars. But what is the amount to be received if the tooth fairy forgets to visit on the second night? Does she double the two dollars, now making four dollars for the third night? Or does she just add one dollar, making three dollars for the third night? I know how to double. But does an eight year old?

Let's vote:
A. Four Dollars    or      B. Three Dollars

I now propose a toast to all past, present, and future "Tooth Fairies".    Because being a tooth fairy is tough!
And financially draining, in my situation!

wacky wednesday waffs - my all time favorite

2012-01-25T01:47:00.002-06:00

wacky wednesday waffs

2012-01-18T01:46:00.000-06:00

wacky wednesday waffs

2012-01-11T01:11:00.002-06:00

Go and get yourself a bottle of wine. Hurry, it is exactly: 1-11-11 at 1:11 a.m.

And open a second bottle of wine on 1-11-11 at 1:11 p.m.

{Pause "Days of Our Lives" and ... oh, wait a minute! I realized it was the wrong year AFTER the second bottle of wine. At least, I didn't remember before the first bottle was tapped.}

HaPpY fErMeNtInG dAy!

wacky wednesday waffs

2012-01-04T01:38:00.002-06:00

Now that the holiday season is officially over, I say, "Screw the New Years Resolution"!

wacky wednesday waffs

2011-12-28T01:16:00.002-06:00

My New Years Resolution: MORE LAUGHTER!

Screw fine lines.

I am looking forward to craters!

Oh, and new panties!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T10:27:00.000-06:00

wacky wednesday waffs

2011-12-21T01:10:00.002-06:00

To honor and cherish the upcoming holiday:

wacky wednesday waffs

2011-12-14T01:09:00.002-06:00

wacky wednesday waffs

2011-12-07T01:07:00.001-06:00

Happy December 1st

2011-12-01T13:04:00.000-06:00

Hope your 1st of December is extra sweet!

And as the old cliche goes: ONLY 24 more shopping days til Christmas!

December also means that we are on the downhill slide to an end of another year. 2011 will be closing another chapter in everyone's personal book of life. I want to cherish the memories. The laughter. The love. Because in 20 years time, I don't know if I will remember the "little things" that make each day special. And frankly, that makes me want to cry. The kind of crying that can only make one look absolutely and dreadfully UGLY.

So, there are also plenty of moments I don't want to remember either or for you to remember. Like the time I had surgery. Three surgeries, to be exact. Just 6 weeks ago. Three incisions. This was so NOT elective. I had two hernia repairs and another prolapsed something or other. For some unknown reason, my 45 minute surgery was 180 minutes in length. And my wakeup was not easy. In fact, I did not want to wake up. The recovery nurse spent five hours trying to get me to wake-up and go home. Apparently, I had overstayed my welcome. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I only slept three hours the night before surgery. I sure was tired!

Now that I am somewhat healed. I ventured out on a 5K with my family. The Turkey Trot was a great way to begin the Thanksgiving holiday -- running before a day of feasting. It was a beautiful morning and I believe that is what the other 11,995 people were thinking too as they donned their running shoes. The crowd! I don't believe the streets in my city are wide enough for that many people. Perhaps, 2000 runners wore chips to actually try and compete... while the other 10,000 runners were just there for the *fun*.

At the race's end, my darling husband and elated eldest daughter were waiting for me and my two riding littles to cross the *finish* line.

Me: "How did you do?"

DH: "We did okay, but there were a lot of people to *run* around? How was your run?"

Me: "I don't know... WHY don't you try SHOVING 120 POUNDS UP SIX HILLS? Oh, and did I mention that the front wheel sprung off its quick release hinge and I had to carry the wheel while balancing those 120 pounds of children and stroller?"

Other than the mishaps and the hills, it was a great run. Luckily, the endorphins were kicked in and I was just happy! And then the results: My eldest placed in her age group. I am so proud of her.

What I Have Realized

2011-11-30T14:07:00.002-06:00

...that on school holidays, when all 5.3 of us exist in one common area called the "home", I have realized this:

There is NOT enough CAFFEINE in the house to get me through a day! Coffee, hot tea, iced tea, diet coke... really, it's just NOT enough! My body does not even respond to anything less than 52 ounces of some sort of caffeine.

But on the flip side, my bladder is probably thankful.

wacky wednesday waffs

2011-11-30T01:04:00.002-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T01:37:00.004-06:00

What we're really talking about is

a wonderful day set aside on the fourth

Thursday of November when

no one diets. I mean, why else

would they call it THANKSGIVING?

{Erma Bombeck}

wacky wednesday waffs

2011-11-23T01:01:00.002-06:00

give.thanks.seven

2011-11-22T01:14:00.004-06:00

Today I am thankful for sounds. The gift of hearing. Selective or Not.

*I am thankful for the humming of purrs.

*The gentle breathing of children and pets.

*The music streaming from the radio. Well, preferably my radio and not the radio of the car who is three lanes over.

*The ringing of the telephone. The consistent tone that reminds you to give a silent nod of thanks to Alexander Graham Bell. With all the texting going on, one can forget to be thankful for the simple non-ring-tone telephone rings.

*The familiar sound of the garage door opening. It tells me that my husband is home. Family time begins. The memories flow as we sit down to dine together and share our day. I am thankful for the garage doors. And particularly thankful that I have only hit two out of three.

*The pitter patter sound of rain on the rooftop.

Today, I am thankful.

Only two more days until Thanksgiving Day!
And only three more days until BLACK FRIDAY!!
{Is your shopping list ready?}

give.thanks.six

2011-11-21T00:33:00.004-06:00

Because life is so busy ... and my kitchen floor ALWAYS has *stuff* on it from every meal, every in-between meal, every pre-meal and every post-meal. I am THANKFUL for SWIFFER. The quicker mopper. Because God and I know that it is impossible to spend three hours thoroughly-on-my-hands-and-knees mopping every day!

One day, not that long ago... I used 24 Swiffers in one mopping. Is that a record? It should be a record!! It's not like I used 24 Swiffers in an entire 5,000 square foot, all-tiled, home. It was in ONE room; the kitchen, with 24 Swiffers, and the Mother.

{CLUE should have a new domesticated theme for MOMMIES!}

I am also thankful for the smooth, rich, creamy, warm taste of Nestle Hot Chocolate. Hot Chocolate is a great beginning to any day. Add a handful of mini marshmallows. Ahhh! Perfect.

GU is a great addition to any length of run. GU gets me through when my legs feel like running home. And my feet grow heavy. And my knees start shaking. And my lungs are exhaling faster. And my head shouts NO. But remember: It's the run that counts! A run to start your day. Or evening. I am thankful for GU!

I love LED. Love, love, love. LED lights up my life! These wireless LED portrait lights are a fantastic invention. No more cords hanging above/below your beloved portraits or paintings or pictures. {I found these on Amazon.com!!} I am thankful for LED.

And I am thankful for Kayak.com. They are so sweet to send enticing travel adventures to my *inbox*. Adventures I consider, contemplate, and dream about. Did you know I can fly to Madrid for roughly the same price that I can fly to Milwaukee?? Madrid is sounding like an excellent travel destination. I love Madrid. Hmmm.... maybe I can take my daughter to Madrid for her birthday?! And as a close second, Milwaukee would be *fun* too!

give.thanks.five

2011-11-20T00:00:00.029-06:00

Giving thanks.
There may be days that it seems difficult to come with just one reason to be thankful. Especially if a person is going through a difficult time. A death? An illness? A divorce? A funk? A depression? A hangover?

Or perhaps a dryspell. Anonalcoholickindofdryspell.

So for day 5, I give thanks for laughter. The sound of laughter. The teary-eyed-effects of laughter. The look of laughter.

A: What are you wearing?
B: Shorts.
A: What kind of shorts are those? A brown kind?
B: They are shorts.
A: The UGLY kind?
B: What?
A: Well, they sure are AWFUL?
A: Is AWFUL a naughty word? Can I use that word?
***
B: These shorts are also called 'hand-me-downs' AND you will see these in your room someday.

My youngest started walking at a very young age. 10 months. Fluent walking. And we find her in the strangest places on an hourly basis. The bathroom sink. The desk top. The cat tower. The fireplace hearth. The beds. The workbench. The patio table. The mini trampoline which is on top of the patio table (we moved it up there so the littlest little would not be tempted to jump on it after she escaped through the cat door). And we laugh. And take photos.

And if finding humor is a bit of a chore today... watch TV... the laugh tracks may MAKE YOUR DAY!!

HAPPY DAY FIVE OF GIVING THANKS!
FIND THE PIECE OF HUMOR IN YOUR DAY TODAY!!

give.thanks.four

2011-11-17T01:16:00.002-06:00

Today I give thanks for number Four... the oil rigs that create our skyline.

Oil drilling is new to me. It is not something I am familiar with since I grew up in a state that did not drill for oil in my neighborhood. Oil rigs are fascinating because you do not have to drive far to see one or even, twenty-five.

We can drive to Target, Costco, Chili's, McDonalds, WalMart, Sam's, and Taco Bell -- all in a two mile radius. In that two mile radius, there are four oil rigs. Neighborhood, Oil rig, Neighborhood, Target, Oil rig, Neighborhood, Long Horns, Apartments, Chilis, Oil rig, Neighborhood, WalMart, Sam's, Cattle, Neighborhood, Oil rig...

Giving thanks for the new skyline. And the Long Horns (the cattle)! For This is Home.

Give Thanks for the place you call home.

wacky wednesday waffs

2011-11-16T01:59:00.002-06:00

give.thanks.three

2011-11-12T22:52:00.032-06:00

Giving thanks for the little things today. The small things. The itsy bitsy things.

The things that matter to you -- and possibly, only you -- nevertheless, they matter.

The quick, natural smile from your child.

The email from a friend, who just wanted to say hello.

The phone call from a cousin, who just wanted to wish you a "happy-anything-kind-of-day".

The muffins from a student who wanted to say "thankful for you...".

The snack from a coworker who just wanted to share (the calories).

The goodnight kiss from your spouse.

The goodnight hugs from your child.

The purr from your feline.

The lick from your canine.

The perfect trash find by the curb.

The "couldn't pass up" bargain while shopping.

The jeans that still fit.

And, giving thanks for even these little things...

The fleas from your neighbor's pet.

The curses from the driver who cut you off.

The driveling blah, blah, blahs from a friend amidst her third divorce.

The coincidence that a cousin married on her father's birthday (apparently she wants to remember that date forever even through her divorce proceedings?!)

The irony that another friend married her second cousin (is that even legal??)

The sarcasm that wants to get the last word.

The unsolicited help from people.

And I am Thankful on Day Three.

give.thanks.two

2011-11-11T01:11:00.005-06:00

I love celebrating holidays.

'Tis the Season!

I am thankful that I have three sweet girls to help me plan, prepare, create, and celebrate.

The girls have chosen picture #2. An edible turkey.

We will be making this adorable turkey to quench our appetites as we prepare the big meal.

His name will be "sweetheart lippies".

(I, honestly, cannot even begin to explain that one...)

What are your Thanksgiving Day plans?

Decorations?

Menu?

Games?

{Make a wish -- it is exactly, 11/11/11 at 1:11 am)

{Make another wish -- it will be, 11/11/11 at 11:11am, 1:11pm, and 11:11pm}

give.thanks.one

2011-11-10T01:19:00.012-06:00

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, which is coming soon -- I am fairly certain. Because IF I knew the current date, without having to calculate back to August to get to today, then I would be able to inform you of the 14 days available.

And that brings us to ... TODAY.

Today, I give thanks.

I am sincerely grateful for MR. CLEAN'S MAGIC ERASER! Particularly thankful that they arrive in a package of two. A six-pack would be desirable. But since a few "6-pack cleaners" are minimally sporting two-packs after bearing children, a "two-pack" is more apropos! Or could the two-pack symbolize the "one for each hand" cliche? I wonder...

Mr. Clean has taken up permanent residence in my home -- he resides in a well-appointed closet. Always within reach. Always available.

Since Mr. Clean exists and delivers as promised, I am also thankful that my little one only covered 8 out of 323 tiles with a RED SHARPIE!! Yes, that's ONLY 2% of the flooring. A small number overall. And, I am still smiling after this kind of day ... a close your eyes, count to ten, and be grateful kind of day.

**The best news is that ... I was really growing weary of those tiles.**

wacky wednesday waffs

2011-11-09T01:56:00.004-06:00

Daylight Savings

2011-11-06T02:06:00.006-06:00

DON'T Forget TO Set BACK Your Clocks BY One HOUR!

We get an extra hour! Yay! We deserve that extra hour! What will you do with your extra hour on Sunday? Relax. The gym. A longer run. A more time-consuming recipe. More TV. A jigsaw puzzle. A project. Decorate for the holidays.
The good news is that we get to sleep an extra hour.
The bad news is that we will have to begin imbibing later on Sunday.

It's Friday!

2011-11-04T09:00:00.000-05:00

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

And... "WINE O'CLOCK"... sums it up!

Sometimes, "Wine O'Clock" arrives earlier and earlier. Especially after toddler days that are quite humorous. And perhaps, a bit draining.
"No, don't throw my keys in the toilet."
"No, don't scream and point -- use your words (the good words)."

Although, I think I am being a downer with all the "No Words". Let's try something new...

"Yes, let's see if the keys will float -- never mind that the remote will no longer work!"
"Yes, let's all scream and point -- I hope it works for me, too!"
"Yes, let's all pull out every single toy in our home and leave them out. First one to break a leg -- gets ice cream every day for a week!"

Last night, according to my toddler -- any event that happened in the past is announced as last night, at bedtime the toddler decided to experiment with mouth noises. Loud noises -- like distorted raspberries. Loud obnoxious blowing bubblish kind of noises.

After each newly created noise, she would ask, "Daddy, does the kitty like this noise?"
And after each question regarding her noise, Daddy did not respond. Apparently, he thought that if he did not say anything then she would just stop with the noise making. However, with this toddler, that does not work. Because she is like the little energizer bunny... and she will keep going and going and going... until she receives an answer.

We are up to the umpteenth noise and recurring question, "Daddy, does the kitty like this noise?"

And finally... AN ANSWER:

"NO, NOBODY LIKES THOSE NOISES!" responds Daddy.

{Toddler grew very quiet. And she quietly said, "But I do!"}

And I laughed. And laughed. Because sometimes life is just really funny. Well, maybe not to everyone...and I suppose you had to be there... but it was really funny. And I still laugh. And toddler, she is great at retelling the story! And I continue to laugh every time she retells the "noise story".

WebMedJournal

2011-11-03T01:24:00.001-05:00

APPARENTLY, the FLU VACCINE does not cover this virus/ailment.

GET YOUR FLU SHOT TODAY!

IT JUST MIGHT CURE YOU!

A NEW KIND OF ARTIST

2011-11-02T01:52:00.001-05:00

THE WEEKEND ARTIST.
The BYOB art class that includes a bit of paint, a couple of brushes, and a blank canvas.

{plus... ice buckets, bottle openers, and glasses that clink are provided for your painting pleasure!!}

Recently, my darling husband and I celebrated an anniversary. It wasn't the silver nor was it the golden, according to tradition, but I consider all of our anniversaries "golden" because it is such a delight to reflect upon and remember our special day. I loved my wedding day.

For a celebration in honor of our day, we decided to PAINT. We were each given a blank canvas. And one person painted the night scene while the other person painted the day scene.

We had such a blast. We painted, and painted, and painted.
And then we created, and created, and created.

We decided to create our paintings with personal touches...
We hid little symbols within our art...
Symbols that represented our other half...
That only "we" would know about...
Like a little secret...
With a smiling heart!

this is the perfect memory for an anniversary!

HAPPY ALL SAINTS DAY!

2011-11-01T01:50:00.063-05:00

I love All Saints Day -- today, November 1st -- because it reminds me of the eternal fun to come. The Bonus: more treats! Oh, and a great way to teach children about some lesser known Saints.

Trick or Treating in Heaven!

All the Saints have their porch lights on and they are ready to welcome us with a bit of their own personal history. The fun part is guessing what "treat" the Saint is offering.

Let's meet the Saints with their porch lights on:

PS Don't SPEND too much time knocking on DOOR #4!! Or DOOR #13!!

1.    Saint Therese of Lisieux - the patron saint of missions; her namesake "little rose"
TREAT: a rose

2.    Saint Joseph - the patron saint of carpenters/workers
TREAT: a toy hammer

3.    Saint Nicholas - the patorn saint of giving (he's the original Santa Claus!!)
TREAT: a stocking filled with a spinning top and a tic-tac-toe game

4.    Saint Martin of Tours - the patron saint of drunkards
TREAT: BEER!!!

5.    Saint George - the patorn saint of England and Catalonia
TREAT: a little toy army man

6.    Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha - the patron saint of the environment
TREAT: a feather (to honor her Native American heritage)

7.    Saint Martin de Porres - the patron saint of barbers
TREAT: an elastic hair band

8.    Saint Martha - the patron saint of cooks
TREAT: a cookie, or three

9.    Saint Frances Xavier Cabrini - the patron saint of immigrants
TREAT: a small American flag (to honor the very FIRST U.S. citizen saint)

10. Saint Lucy - the patron saint against eye diseases
TREAT: sunglasses

11. Saint Cosmas and Saint Damian - the patron saint of medicine
TREAT: a bandaid

12. Saint Cecelia - the patron saint of music
TREAT: a recorder

13. Saint James the Great - the patron saint of Spain
TREAT: a gold coin (to support his wallet representation because MONEY is more fun than another flag)

14. Saint Dorothy - the patron saint of Cappadocia
TREAT: flowers (to represent the flowers sent to Theophilis - the man who mocked this martyr)

15. Saint Peter - the patron saint of workers
TREAT: a key (to represent "the keys to the kingdom of heaven")

16. Saint Petronilla - the patron saint against fever
TREAT: a candy bar (to honor her hunger strike that led to death)

Happy BOO-Day!

2011-10-31T01:33:00.003-05:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
IT'S THE FABULOUSLY FUN DAY OF TRICK OR TREATING!

I hope everyone has a fun-filled day and evening basking in Halloween traditions and decorations!

I just have to share these fabulous ideas for simple decor:
Pennants!
Love them.
My family makes banners/pennants for every occasion: birthdays, holidays, just-because days, pink days, blue days, summer days, etc.

This "Trick or Treat" pennant can be found at http://www.findingmyaloha.com/ It's printable. So make yours today! There's still time!

Or perhaps this great banner?! Find it at http://www.findingmyaloha.com/

I have to admit I had never heard of this holiday tradition before this year.

So we added this neighborhood fun to our October calendar.

We booed!

We got booed!

O' how fun!

Put it on your calendar for next year!

http://www.beenbooed.com/

for printable letters and ideas!!

**your neighbors will appreciate "You've Been Booed"

so much more than the old fashioned "Ding Dong Ditch"!

BOO!

photographer

2011-10-30T01:04:00.001-05:00

My middle little has a habit of finding a camera and taking photographs.
Perhaps this is the reason I keep having to replace my camera.

Recently, I was downloading photos -- as all mommies do -- whenever they have a free moment. I started to browse through the photos and delete the unkeepables because nobody ever needs to see that photo EVER, when I noticed a bunch of photos that I did not recognize or remember snapping. Photographs of a book, the floor, Peek-a-Shoe the fun toy, the painting on the wall, a scene that stood still from "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" on tv, my daughter's grin, another daughter's ear, another daughter's mole, a rock...

Instantly I knew who had the camera!

And I laughed. My dear hubby and I decided a couple of months ago that we would save most of middle little's personal photographs and make her a photo book someday... so her keepsake would remind her of her love for photography! Perhaps she will be a photographer!

As I was finishing up the quick edit, my eyes caught a glimpse of this photo (see below) and I could not believe that my THREE year old captured this photo, on her own, no photoshop here -- just her real life photo:

fifteen.years.it.has.been. -- recap

2011-10-28T01:54:00.001-05:00

REPEAT POST.

2011 is my fifteen year hand anniversary and I am on a personal-day-holiday.

The best part about my fifteen year anniversary -- is that for the first time in fifteen years -- I can "just breathe". Inhale. Exhale. I am okay. The pain is dissipating. And I am thankful!

i.lost.ONE.finger.or.TWO
definitely ONE. definitely the use of TWO.

it was not the best day of my life.

october.3.1996
i had a cut that resembled a papercut. not open. not deep. not threatening. until I came in contact with a person with strep throat. the strep infection invaded my cut via coughing or sneezing. it became staph infection. THE FLESH-EATING BACTERIA. GANGRENE.

for those of you who know: you can skip this post.

for those of you who don't know, here are some "clean" tips:

1. WASH YOUR HANDS

2. NEVER KISS A "BOO-BOO", EVER! (KISS NEXT TO IT, AROUND IT, ABOVE IT, BELOW IT... NEVER, EVER ON IT!)

3. NEVER PUT YOUR FINGERS IN YOUR MOUTH AFTER A PAPERCUT OR ANY OTHER TYPE OF CUT!

4. PUT ON A BAND-AID. Or Plaster. YES, EVEN ON A PAPERCUT!

6 months in and out of the hospital.

365 daily visits to a hand surgeon.

10 hand surgeries.

4 long years of constant doctor monitoring.

40 prescriptions for pain pills.

1200 codeine tablets. (not for sale)

1 prosthetic.

4 doctors.

1 special doctor who saved my life and my hand.

$1,000,000 dollars, at least.

1 conclusion: disability.

1 future possibility: more amputation.

THANK YOU, DR. BOB! AND 'NURSES' CARLA AND DEBBIE! You're my heroes!

what I learned today

2011-10-26T22:49:00.001-05:00

I am grateful for my age. This number that has been assigned to me on Earth.

{Although in China, I would be one year older. And for that, I am grateful for living in North America.}

So here is the fine print:

I was not grateful for my age before today.
But since it only takes 88 days for Mercury to rotate in its place in the solar system, I am thankful that I was not born on Mercury.
You see, today, I would be:
ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN YEARS OLD!
137 YEARS!
100 + 30 + 7
12,054 DAYS

AND I CLEARLY DON'T WANT TO BE 137 YEARS OLD.

ALTHOUGH, I AM LOOKING QUITE WELL FOR 137!

Me: "I can't believe I am 137 years old!"
Person: ?????
Me: "On Mercury, that is!"

{PS the kids are studying the solar system ... and this is all I learned!}
{PPS if you want your age in Mercury years, email me!}

my dog is bigger than your dog

2011-10-13T00:12:00.000-05:00

Recently we were in public. Unfortunately. For me. And twenty five other bystanders.

One of my littles is social. Not at all shy. Not at all introverted. {She must have inherited that trait from a distant family member.} She enjoys meeting new people. Everyone she meets is a new friend.

Title: "My dog is bigger than your dog"

Setting: Doctor Office Waiting Area

Time: Post-No-Nap

Date: Current

Little: "Hi, what is your name?"

New Friend: "I'm Alisa."

Little: "My name is P. 3."

New Friend: "I'm Alisa." Apparently confused by the P3.

Little: "I'm Three. And my name starts with P."

New Friend: "Oh."

Little: "How old are you?"

New Friend: "Two."

Little: "OH."

Little: "WELL, MY MOM IS OLDER THAN YOUR MOM!"

And the waiting room with twenty five people, no empty seats available, all turned in my direction.

And LAUGHED.

It's A BOY!!

2011-10-11T12:11:00.002-05:00

The days are shorter ... darkness comes quickly now.   Literally, my days feel shorter. I need more hours. A good thirty hours in a day would be sufficient. 24 to do it all. And the last six to sleep.

Recently, my long list of "to-do's" did not get accomplished in the daytime hours so the only time to make some progress was to do a few errands in the evening.

1. Target -- need drawer liner paper
2. Kohls -- use $10 gift card
3. Dillards -- return/exchange shoes for littlest little
4. Academy -- soccer gear
5. Running shoes for middle little (she wants PINK NIKE -- specifically)
6. Michaels -- Halloween decor (scarecrows, hay, etc...)

As I was running out the door, darling husband sent two point five children with me, and a cheerful warning, "STICK TO YOUR LIST, NO SURPRISES".

Me: "What could I possibly surprise you with? It's Tuesday for goodness sake!"  {As if the day of the week has anything to do with surprises?!}

So, out the door with two point five girls in tow.
Stop 1.  Check.
Stop 2. Check.

Oh shit, DETOUR!

SURPRISE! Look what we found!

Our newest member! And "It's a BOY!"

PS I thought darling husband would be thrilled!

PPS I am not sure when we will tell him that it took thirty minutes and five other people to help "find" this poor kitty.

Life is NOT Fair, take 2.

2011-09-28T01:24:00.002-05:00

A totally overused cliche to describe something we WANT but do NOT receive:

bigger boobs

lipo'd thighs

botoxed lips

moneyed trees

Recently I discovered the true meaning of "Life is NOT Fair" when I accompanied my friend, Lander, to divorce court.

Wallace served Lander divorce papers as if she were the recipient of a Surprise 40th Birthday Party. After twenty-two years and two children, Lander was shocked, horrified, and bewildered.

Eight months later, Lander and I took our seats in front of the judge. Lander is in need of child support and alimony.

A few minutes later, a tall, striking woman approaches the bench. Wallace's lawyer? Wallace's new companion? Whoever she is, she is impeccably dressed with a definite air of plastic surgery-ness!

The judge taps her gavel three times (for effect). Lander Raney? Claudia Nicole Raney? Please stand!

I can no longer concentrate on the divorce proceedings. Wallace no longer exists. Wallace is now verified as Claudia Nicole on a social security card. Claudia Nicole has filed bankruptcy. There is NO money available to support their two children, presently or for college. Claudia has spent it ALL, having her "penis" chopped off.

(Lander is over the initial shock, but I am NOT! Claudia is lucky that I am not her ex-to-be. Because I have one word: REVENGE!)

I'm a Happy Mommy, take 2

2011-09-27T01:13:00.000-05:00

(sung to the tune of "I'm a Little Teapot")

I'm a happy mommy,

sober or drunk,

Here is my family,

friends and junk,

Don't forget it's mommy's day,

or see my spunk,

Flip you off ... and

stuff in trunk.

written by melissa (for melissa)

Happy Every Day to all mommies, grandmas, great-grandmas, meemaws, mimis, gigis, grannies, grammies, aunts, (female) cousins, sisters, babysitters, nannies, and caretakers.

Enjoy your day -- meant just for you!

wednesday cleanseday

2011-09-21T00:44:00.017-05:00

LIFE IS CRAP

(minus the photo)

I know it is all because I wanted to take a SELFISH "ME" WEEK...

I wanted to cleanse: the house, the drawers, the cupboards, the cabinets...

INSTEAD, I got a computer cleanse.

CRASH.

BOOM.

ARGHHHH.

Computer hard drive went down ... big.

Actually, it is still down.

So, my "ME" week was completely interrupted.

And, enjoy some older repeat posts until my life is technologically re-enhanced!

it's still a me week.

2011-09-20T00:32:00.022-05:00

And according to the rest of the family, the week isn't going so well.

I am receiving a lot of feedback, but the critiquing tones are not very pleasant.

As one daughter says, "this is a mighty long week". I had to remind her that it is only Tuesday. The second day of the week. Only three more days to go.

As another daughter says, quite regularly, "meanie, blahhhh!".

And another daughter states, "I don't like this". Probably because she is not being fed red dye #21 on a regular dietary basis.

And hubby, he's hanging in there -- barely. I have to admit, he still looks good even after sleeping in the kitchen last night.

survival

2011-09-19T00:25:00.010-05:00

Hopefully, you all survived your 5 day revamp week. We will take a break this week and call it a "me" week. Well, your week would be a "you" week not a "me" my 'my drivel' kind of week.

For starters, hubby is in charge of the kids this week. Morning, Afternoon, and Evening. From sunup to sundown. I wonder what he will look like by Friday? Aw, hell, I wonder what he will look like by Tuesday morning?!

Who is watching your children this week?!

5. Double Happy

2011-09-16T01:22:00.002-05:00

Laugh. A lot.
Smile. Often.
Grin. Always.

It is day five of my "revamp myself" week. And I want to make sure I am living the Chinese Kanji Symbol of "Double Happiness". I want to make sure I take several moments throughout my days to "enjoy the small things"... a meltdown, a tantrum, a scream from the discomfort of incoming teeth, a scornful look from the mommy mafia, a mumsy once-over from the Jones', or a glass of spilled milk.

Because reality is... I will never have the opportunity to live this day over. This exact moment in time will quickly become a part of the past.

So, readers and friends...

EMBRACE today!
EMBRACE your life!
EMBRACE where you stand at this moment!

EMBRACE, people, EMBRACE!

Because, "WHY LIMIT HAPPY TO AN HOUR?"

4. Retail Therapy

2011-09-15T01:03:00.006-05:00

Day 4.
Have you taken Jill Martin's advice yet by ridding your closets by 75%?

You will feel so liberated and so depleted and so excited to indulge in some pick-me-up-retail-therapy! Although I am not sure this was Jill's idea behind disposing of 75% of your clothing. I am quite sure she said to wear the 25% that is already in your closet. So, people, let's go fill another trashbag to donate.
And then we can do some "GUILTY-FREE" shopping!

New Jeans? Jill says that if you hardly ever wear jeans, then you ONLY need 2 pair! But what about all of the Jean-Mamas who live in daily denim?! And we don't want to wear the MOM jeans!
I say, LEVIS for everyday. And "Not Your Daughter's Jeans" for any mommy over 40. And "Sevens" ... are those still in?

Boots. I have my several pair selected.

Peacoats. Tan. Navy.

A new scarf. I am loving me some PASHMINAs!

But, Don't Forget to Accessorize with New Handbags! Make it a Ginormous, Huge, Fantastically Large handbag. Because take it from me...this is some darn good advice:

3. Know thyself

2011-09-14T01:57:00.003-05:00

DAY 3.

With the year 2011 three-quarters behind us... resolutions long forgotten, diets long started and ceased, exercise regimens long readjusted... let's devote today to know thyself - thy true self.

So you know you are never going to go to the fitness center on a daily basis, then do something that you will do daily -- wii fitness, take a walk, abs of steel dvd, or INSANITY.

Make your list today.

BE TRUE TO THYSELF:

A. Thrives on organization
      1. develop a laundry system... I am SOOOO tired of washing clean clothing.
      2. post a sign on dryer:
ANYONE WHO ATTEMPTS TO EMPTY DRYER MUST FOLD ALL CURRENT DRIED CLOTHING. NO EXCEPTIONS.
      3. post a sign on dishwasher:
"YES, I AM CLEAN -- PUT ME AWAY!"
OR
"NO, I AM NOT CLEAN -- WASH ME!"

B. Creates an idea-oriented home... use art supplies to create, create, create. Perhaps even attack that large stack of fabric!

C.   Maintains an active lifestyle for self and family... do something fun and active everyday. Take a walk Monday. Or Tennis lobbing Tuesday.  Shuffling Wednesdays. Obstacle course Thursdays. Imbibing Fridays. Just Wii Dance Saturdays. Sleeping Sundays. j-u-s-t-d-o-s-o-m-e-t-h-i-n-g.

D. Cleans house only when absolutely necessary... get maid to come more often for less money.

E.    Drinks well with others!

2. build chrysalis

2011-09-13T00:42:00.001-05:00

Autumn is upon us.

Attack your to-do lists.
Accomplish your lists of someday I will get around to this.
Finish your unfinished projects.

So, DAY 2 is build a chrysalis (this word is so much more fun than "cocoon").
And emerge next spring, as a gorgeous butterfly.

Or at least a very organized butterfly who needs new projects. and new lists. and a new life, perhaps. ha ha ha.

I don't know what I was thinking but I have given up all WHITE CARBS. OH, BROWN CARBS, TOO.
So, if I seem a bit scattered, delusional, nonsensical -- it is due to the "LACK OF CARBS I CRAVE" effect.

I gave them up ... not to lose weight but to give me more energy. I tend to eat a lot of carbs, good - bad - or indifferent. You know, cereal and toast for breakfast. A sandwich for lunch. Pasta and a salad for dinner. So there you have it -- a carb addict in her glory.

So nary a carb goes into my body unless it is from a vegetable, a bean, or a fruit family. Not even a whole wheat carb goes into my body.

And I feel great. I glow. I have so much energy I can run neverstopping laps from 5am to 11pm. In fact, I am driving my husband NUTS. I never sit down. I should surely be able to build my autumnal chrysalis without any doubt and finish all my projects by the springtime.

So GO FORTH and BUILD your CHRYSALIS with or without CARBS -- it is your choice! I will be going forth carbless.

1. clean pantry

2011-09-12T00:27:00.001-05:00

Moving forward. I am on a FIVE DAY CLEANSE. A Clutter Cleanse.

Day 1.

I am replacing bottles with ~~cans~~ sippy cups (for baby). It allows me to reorganize the pantry. Well, ONE shelf, anyway.

As I was organizing, I realized that I am lacking important kitchen utensils like "MOMMY SIPPY CUPS"!

Must get to Target right away. Or Pottery Barn. Or Anywhere that sells Mommy sippy cups.

9-11-11

2011-09-11T00:38:00.001-05:00

Let us all take a moment to pause and reflect and remember today. And what happened to our land, our friends, our families, and our lives... ten years ago today.

AND...
after your pause...
Can you identify the hidden object in the following photo?

i.love.quotes

2011-09-09T00:17:00.001-05:00

The "281".

You go out to a club thinking you are definitely an 8, perhaps a close 10 with your new black stretch pants, oversized "benetton" sweater, and ankle boots (circa 1984). And he is styling in his new "structure" vest, 501 levis and black reebok hightops (once again, 1984).

You take one look and give him a high 2.

After slamming shots with your sisters, brothers, best friends, second best friends, runner ups, and acquaintances... you take another look at "him" and he is closing in on a high 8.

And then...

after a few sloppy dog kisses that sober you up -- instantly -- like a pot of black coffee,

Oh, shit!

He's a total ONE!

OMG, did anybody just see me swapping spit with that dude?

AND more importantly "WHERE did all the Benettons in America go?"

"mommy, mommy"

2011-09-08T00:10:00.001-05:00

Mommy, Mommy -- not so ordinary
How did your day go??

With a silver can
It all began

I went for a ginger-ale
Took a big gulp and went pale

At 9:00 am, Do YOU KNOW WHAT is in YOUR CAN of a refreshing beverage?
This is what was in my can:

PS look before drink!

500.

2011-09-07T00:20:00.012-05:00

five hundred. onehundred times five. twohundredandfifty times two. this is my five hundredth drivelish post.

five hundred. wow-za! yay! holy cow (for all my friends from India -- the country)!

Happy Anniversary!

And for all my readers, I give you all five-hundred-post-old edible undies! Don't forget to read the "fine print". The wording makes me laugh! I hope you all have a good laugh today! Screw laugh lines, the rest of your body will enjoy the rejuvenating laughter... that is what keeps us young (even if you look OLD!)!!!

Labour of Love

2011-09-05T01:58:00.001-05:00

Happy Labor Day to All! Enjoy your day off of everything! No work, no housework, no chores, no errands, no bills to pay, no cooking, no to-do lists.... just sit and do nothing. Well, maybe throw in a sit-up or two ...

why doesn't this work for me?

2011-09-04T01:46:00.002-05:00

I wish I could play possum... effectively.

I silently lay upon my pillow, covers pulled up to my nose, and heavy snory breathing. But it never fails that someone in my family always wakes me up. On the one day that I get to sleep until 6:45am instead of 5:45am.

The day I get to play possum... is the day I won't be playing.

And on that note, I would much rather be stirred awake by someone in my family.

Sleep is overrated!

Just keep me caffeinated!

Thank you, God, for supplying three McDonald's restaurants in a 2 mile radius so that I may quickly rejuvenate with $1 Diet Cokes and $1 Coffees... all day long!

PS This possum lives in my fig tree.

change did not go well...

2011-09-02T12:13:00.000-05:00

So... the http:// remains the same as it was before all the forewarnings. UGH... nothing is as easy as it seems in blog world.

So....

BOOOOO!

http://melissatellier.blogspot.com/

change

2011-09-02T01:56:00.004-05:00

I hope you have not made the minor change! You are still at:
http://melissatellier.blogspot.com/

No, I have not been on a much-needed-wanted-desired vacation to India or Russia or Indonesia. Although those destinations all sound fabulous. I was just giving my parents and two readers ample time to note the change and make the change. That didn't change... because all my posts would be lost. UGH.

So...
Now that you are all here.

BOOOOOO!

I swear I stopped eating before slumbering... so what happens last night?? Another dream! Frankly, every sleeper dreams every night... it's just whether we remember our fantasies or not. Perhaps it is the FOOD that makes me recall my dreams... because I know for a fact that I have dreamt for the last xxxx whole lotta years and I have never remembered any dreams.

Get this one:

I was inhaling and exhaling and huffing and puffing as fast as I could... SMOKING! CIGARETTES! Oh My God! I was practicing how to smoke. What drags appeared the coolest (in front of a mirror). And then simultaneously smoking while chewing gum so I could hide the smell. Then smoking while driving with the window down so I could tap my ashes out the window... well actually the entire cigarette fell out the window. Then I zoomed away as fast as I could from the other surrounding vehicles because I did not want my unextinguished cigarette to blow up some person's gas and/or oil leaking non-emission-passing-failed-inspection vehicle.

And the dream came about all because of a trip to a general surgeon where upon I was asked FIVE times if I was a smoker. The first time I said "NO". And by the fifth time I said "NOT YET". I was having my hernia consulted. And I thought, "what does smoking have to do with a hernia?" Surely, I haven't been lifting 75 cartons of cigarettes.

Well, I never got my answer to the hernia-smoking relationship.

And I don't even know how I got my dream cigarette lit because "I am afraid of matches and lighters"! YUP, that's right... I don't even light candles!

So, there's something that you didn't know about me. Shhh! It's a secret!

change

2011-09-01T01:55:00.002-05:00

PS

Dear Mom and Dad (and my two other readers):

Please note the upcoming change:

... there is no change ...
oops
... there is no change ...

change

2011-08-31T01:53:00.002-05:00

PS
Dear Mom and Dad (and my two other readers):

Please note the upcoming change:

oops no change oops

side note:

2011-08-30T01:36:00.003-05:00

I apologize to all of you who search "tennis" or "tennis racket" or some other word regarding tennis ...

and for some unknown reason you turn up at some drivel-full blog with no famous tennis players. Expecting something somewhat relevant to tennis. And worse yet, it's just a small blog written by someone who totally sucks at tennis. Although I love wearing tennis skirts.

But I thank you for reading my "wee tennis" story. Or any other story.

I guess it could be worse, you could be searching for words like "giada's boobs" and get dumped onto my drivel ... which would be very upsetting. For you. And I am sorry if that happens.

PS
Dear Mom and Dad (and my two other readers):
Please note the upcoming change:
oops no change oops

lice is nice

2011-08-29T13:35:00.000-05:00

Dear God,

I promise to stop ingesting my entire day's worth of calories before I go to bed. Because, I swear, the food makes me CRAZY. I mean, CRAZY DREAMS all night long.

* Forget about the heartburn.
* Forget about the potential weight gain.
* Forget about the tooth decay.

What about the dreams? Please God don't let them mean something!! Because I really do not have the required amount of time to deal with the following mishaps.

Hope you're listening,
Your fellow listener,
~ m

So, last night, I dreamt about LICE. Lice that erupted from white dandelion puffs. The puffs that you blow and instead of spreading pollen -- it spread lice! They were everywhere and I couldn't get the lice out of my house or children's hair. And as I scrubbed and tugged and pulled and combed and weeded and separated my little one's hair strand by strand she announced, "LICE IS NICE". And I laughed.

I woke myself up laughing.

The dream prior to lice was about someone breaking into my home... and I grabbed a pistol. But I could not remember the "rules" governing southern law.
Can I shoot them with their back to me?
Or do they have to be facing me?
And should I aim at their feet to deter the flee?
Or their arms so they can't run out the doors carrying baby gear?
And I couldn't comprehend why someone would break and enter for a wooden highchair or a used baby bjorn???
So I put a sign on my door, "8423 has better stuff -- they have teenagers".

Once and for all, I believe I have learned my lesson, NO FOOD AFTER 5pm. Or at least four hours before slumbering.

PS Please don't analyze my dreams, it really was the food intake prior to sleeping!

Heat Waves bring Autumn Faves

2011-08-25T07:58:00.000-05:00

Now that I (literally) have nothing to wear... (remember my 75% donation post??)... I have a shopping list. A list that contains a few trends. And not my usual "mom-tume" of tennis skirts or running tees
or low riding (thong showing) bootcut denim.

I am dreaming of a white (very white) Christmas... because all of these boots are on my list:

The "DEE" Boot by "Me Too"

The Channing Boot by UGG

The Rainboot by Calvin Klein

Don't forget the cowboy boot for all you southern and not so southern fashionistas!

And, Thank You Heavens, for TARGET who has a few of their own 2011affordable fashion trends (because you just spent all your money on BOOTS.)

What is on your list???

I am anxiously awaiting the cool morning I can don a college sweatshirt.

Perhaps, this autumn my favorite one will be a Vassar College sweatshirt.

drivel, drivel, drivel

2011-08-23T08:04:00.020-05:00

blah, blah, blah...
yak, yak, yak...
la, ti, da...
oh, la, la...

I am in the mood to DONATE. That's right. Open up the closets, chests, and cabinets. Fill trashbags full of stuff. Take stuff to Goodwill or any other drop-off donation site.
I wonder...
IF my husband and children will notice that half their stuff is GONE? Given away. Donated. How sweet of them to unknowingly be so kind!

I am inspired by Jill Martin's "I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR" after viewing her ambush on the TODAY Show. Jill's advice: "You only wear 25% of the items in your closet -- GET RID OF THE 75%".

So, I did. And it was easy to dispose of hubby's (and children's) items.
Now, I just have to apply this concept to my own closets.

Good Luck on lightening your loads by 75% !!

worth my weight in gold

2011-08-22T01:52:00.009-05:00

and I am quite sure I would be RICH. However, worth my weight in chocolate and I am still RICH, just not the desirous kind of RICH.

Because ... this weekend I believe I ate my weight in chocolate covered almonds.  At least. I have been trying to eat more nuts -- the healthy fat group -- almonds, pistachios, walnuts. I am not sure why I chose nuts as my target food group, but there you have it... I chose nuts. Although, I am quite confident that my dietician/nutritionist (IF I had one) would not agree to the nuts being smothered in a thick, yummy, coating of milk chocolate or dark chocolate.   And I did get my quota of healthy fats met, as well as my quota of unhealthy fats for the ENTIRE month!!

So for the next three days or three months ... no nuts. Which won't be too impossible considering I spent a good portion of the weekend being ill from ingesting too many chocolate covered almonds. I almost wish I was having a colonoscopy next week.

Meanwhile ... the rest of the weekend went something like this ...

Daughter: "Mommy, do you think her family likes OKRA?"
Me: "I suppose." (Who is she talking about?)
Daughter: "Do you think they grow OKRA in their backyard like we do?"
Me: "Probably." (Who?)
Daughter: "I said, DO THEY GROW OKRA OR NOT?"
Me: "Who?"
Daughter: "OKRA."
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Daughter: "You know, that lady on tv."
Me: "HUH?"
Daughter: "OKRA WINFREY."

My daughter wants to know why OKRA WINFREY is named after a vegetable. I smiled because after all isn't OKRA WINFREY from Mississippi??
{I believe that Oprah's parents who claimed to have made a spelling error and meant to name her Orpah is another mistake, I believe my daughter is correct, they meant to name her OKRA.}

Soccer season has begun. Let me tell you this is one soccer mom who is excited for this season. But not nearly as excited as the soccer mom who was on the field this morning giving countless directives and competitives. And it was only practice. This is going to be a great season... must remember to sit next to that soccer mom so my cheers will be overshouted.

Have I mentioned that I have a new obsession? Yes. It's name is _______.

Me: "I think we should travel to _______."
Me: "Oh, and adopt a child as long as we are there."
Him: "WHAT?"
Me: "I think we should travel ..."
Him: he interrupts, "I heard you, I just wasn't sure if you were kidding or not."
Me: "No, not kidding. No fake laugh."
Him: "What is this about?"
Me: "Well, since you are not in favor of getting a puppy from the humane society -- I thought maybe a child from X?!"
Him: "That is not even the same thing. Where are you from?"

Well I passively mentioned my plan to my husband, only because I felt that he should be forewarned before the social worker arrives to do our homestudy. I would really not be happy if he blew the homestudy by feigning SURPRISE!!

I was thinking how nice number 4 would be as an addition to our fun!

And the last part of our weekend, oh how I hated to end the fun we were having....
I was thinking about curb appeal. And indoor appeal. Details that make a home. Not just a house.
I need some ideas. My big time consuming focus is on a sliding glass door.
What do you do to cover a sliding glass door?

Here's the requirements:
1. I need sun blocking from 7am to 11am.
2. After 11am, I can open to let the afternoon sun in because the sun will be high enough that I won't have to worry about glare or furniture destruction.

Some suggestions I have heard:
1. solar film on the window part of the sliders.
    a. does this work?
    b. does this ruin the windows?
2. Drapes.
    a. where on earth do you buy drapes that wide? each window is 37 inches. it is recommended to double the width. so two panels at 74 inches each? where does one buy 74 inch panels???
    b. most shops only sell panesl at 50 or 54 inches wide.
3. Sheers.
    a. will sheers keep my morning sun off my furniture?
4. A new sliding door with low e and 366 UV blockage.
    a. I cannot find that kind of door with that type of glass. I found a new door but it just has glass. Which means I still have my morning sun problem.
5. Vertical blinds.
    a. I really do not want these. Nothing personal. Just don't really want them.
6. Spray fake snow on windows.
    a. Not really fond of this idea. At all!
7. Anybody have any new ideas???
    a. I peruse many catalogs, and not one catalog shows a sliding glass door. Their drapes always cover just a window.

Stay tuned for more adventures from our crazy household...
Have a great week, everyone!

T.G.I.Fibromyalgia

2011-08-19T01:29:00.004-05:00

Anyone in need of a few laughs today?

Auto Correct is hilarious... it somewhat reminds me of the new (well, not so new) Google instant. I try to type in Chi... and I start getting facebook.com, youtube.com, chase.com. A bit further in my spelling.. ca... and I get chic, chiclets, and fashionista. Just let me type CHICAGO!!! The Google instant is not funny -- just very annoying. But, relief is here, you can turn off the instant. Go to upper right hand corner to the flower looking icon. Click on it. Then click on "search settings". Scroll down a bit, and turn it OFF.

Back to the Friday laughs!!

wine vs. whine

2011-08-18T01:51:00.002-05:00

honesty is always the best policy?

2011-08-17T01:56:00.002-05:00

Today, my crew and I were doing errands... in a motley fashion, I might add. The kind of style that hopefully won't turn too many heads. One was dressed in a bathing suit with a coverup and donned wet hair to complete the "just came from the pool and I am not embarrassed" look. Another, in a dance leotard and the biggest pink and orange tutu you have ever set eyes on. And yet another, in a loud pink and green tutu with a blue polka-dot onesie because she is wearing her lunch in splots all over her mismatched outfit. (Girls are in no particular order.) And me, the "MOM uniform".

It is only like 146 thousand degrees outside, so who really cares what we are dressed like? Right?

After two stops, we decide to take our "party" indoors to a coffeeshop and purchase much needed refreshments. "Caffeine" is on my mind. After all, I only have about 18 hours left in my day.

We spent a few minutes perusing the option board. Finally, we made conclusive decisions on items to purchase. Upon ordering, the cashier gave us the once over and asked, "For here or TO GO?"

I answered, "TO GO."

She replied, "THANK YOU."

I thought to myself, Is she thanking me for the small order or is she thanking me that we are NOT staying?

So, for a joke, I fake laughed and said, "It would be best if my lively bunch ate and drank at home."

And she said, with a straight face, "I appreciate it!"

(PS I think she will not be having children in her future)

a day for thoughts

2011-08-16T04:06:00.001-05:00

Tuesday.
What does this Tuesday bring you?

Goodness.
I hope.

The world needs a bit more goodness and kindness to be spread.

I (for once?) do not have much to joke about today or in fact, talk about.

Please send thoughts and prayers upward to the heavens for a dear friend of mine who was recently diagnosed with Stage IV Melanoma. She has children. She has her youth. Not yet 40. She has her positive attitude.

But she doesn't have her health at the moment.

Unfortunately, she did not have any warning signs. No illness. No lingering fatigue. Just no sign. Until her diagnosis.

So another plea, coming from me:
Go and Get checked by a dermatologist. Check everything. Nails, feet, scalp, palms, etc... Everything.
Everyone make an appointment today.
And wear your SPF 50!!

multitasking.

2011-08-15T02:49:00.000-05:00

Multitasking is something I do. It is what a lot of people do. But honestly, we all suck at it.

This summer, multitasking took a back seat to real life. And real stuff. But now with the start of school (a week ago), I have begun to multitask all day long. And screw a lot of stuff up on a daily basis.

My multitasking kind of morning start (6:30am - 7:00am):

check email (mainly school messages)

boil eggs

clean the smallest bathroom

start a load of pink hued clothing -- because we have a lot of PINK

listen for the littlest little

hold the middle little

pack oldest little's lunch

* email (nothing from school or teacher but got sidetracked with Pottery Barn Kids Gear Sale)

* eggs are boiled (for longer than 10 minutes... and harder than shit to remove from their shells)

* smallest bathroom (reloaded the toilet paper)

* washer loaded and started (forgot several articles of clothing since they were strewn from one end of the house to the other)

* littlest little still sleeping (as far as I know)

* middle little in a puddled heap on the floor next to me

* oldest little got a smorgasbord of leftover crap to eat for lunch

So, multitasking -- it works, just not very well for me!

mybabyisoneicantbelieveit!

2011-08-12T12:41:00.001-05:00

My baby. My third baby girl. My final baby (yes, the prank was truly a prank). She is ONE. Today!

What a fast and amazing year it has been!

A baby in the house. We have gone from napping/feeding every two hours to napping rarely and grazing always. We have gone from cuddly to on-the-move in a blink. We have gone from dark brown hair to 'to-be-determined' hair color. We have gone from very blue eyes to 'maybe they are still blue? with a hint of green, and mom's golden native american flecks'.

She walked at 10 months.
She has 8 teeth... almost completely through.
She can throw a great tantrum.
She has mastered the "fake cry".
She can out-shout the other two girls.
AND as of today, SHE ESCAPED OUT THE CAT DOOR. Into newfound freedom... this next year is going to be busy!

Yes, a lot has happened this past year.

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY, LADYBUG!

Stay tuned for ladybug pictures... as well as hello kitty party pictures... as well as... oh well, I will get caught up one of these days.

And this says it all...

2011-08-12T02:44:00.001-05:00

1st day of school.

2011-08-11T00:27:00.001-05:00

5:45am. Littlest little awakes.
6:00am. I insist hubby get littlest little and change her diaper (remember the prank?).
6:05am. I jump in the shower... surely hubby will change littlest little.
6:25am. I stayed in the warm water for a very long time.

The first day of school always produces some big event unrelated to school, but so big that we will never forget the first day of school. So eight little words written on a diaper will be something we remember forever.

"I AM GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER"

6:30am. Hubby isn't moving.
6:40am. He's still not moving.
6:45am. I think we got him. I'd like to shout "APRIL FOOLS" but it's a bit early.
6:50am. I poke him. Nothing.
6:55am. I stop staring at him.
6:59am. Do you know how old I am?
7:02am. We thought it would be funny. A great way to start the year.
7:05am. How? DEAD?

a little addiction.

2011-08-10T02:26:00.000-05:00

Coming up on my six month dental appointment, and can you believe my dentist has failed to implement my botox idea?? I mean, like not even give my idea a second thought! Botox is not even on his radar, at all!

What am I going to do?

(hence, the "life is crap")

And then a thoughtful friend turned me onto GROUPON. And let's just say, "I do have my GROUP ON".

I am addicted.

I love getting those daily emails with the specials du jour.

It's a little piece of shopping heaven waiting for me when I finally get a peaceful moment to log on.

I have an inbox filling up with "laser hair removal specials". Underarms, lower legs, bikini ... anywhere else you want to be lasered?

"Heat transfer lipo something or other" ... what is this? Must look this procedure up... how fun!

"Jamaica for two"... ahhh, doesn't another HOT locale sound great about now??

"$10 for $20 dinner at Chilis"... who doesn't ever have a reason to eat at Chilis?

"$60 for 12 weeks of bootcamp classes" ... another gym to frequent, why not?

"Anti-aging skin procedures"... how did they know?
"$100 for six to Zip-Line at a locale two hours from my home" ... is this a good deal? It must be, Groupon says so!
"$50 for a two-hour boat rental on Lake Whatchamacallit -- three hours from my home"... what a great way to take the kids on a boat! We don't even have to take ours out of its slip. Yahoo.

I am fatigued just reading about all of the money I can save doing all the activities that I may or may not get around to completing before their expiration date.
And my hubby is exhausted at hearing me shout from the computer about all of the money we can be SPENDING!

Ahhhh, Groupon. Thank you for visiting my inbox... but I must hit DELE.

meet the teacher.

2011-08-09T01:57:00.002-05:00

I would like to say that "meet the teacher" was uneventful. Rather forgetful. However, I am aware that there are some people who would beg to differ.

It began like this....

late, late, and more late.

We missed the entire "Principal Welcome". Which probably included a lot of "GIVE more MONEY". And "Please support our school". Oh, and "Give more MONEY". We missed the other speakers. We missed the entire "Welcome back to school".

However, we arrived in time to discover my child's classroom placement and to learn the names of her homeroom students. We quickly walked to room 17. We met Ms. M. And then the chaos began.

Apparently, my middle little wanted to "read" the 'Welcome to Ms. M's Class' Speech. Because she shouted through most of it... interrupting at a non-stop pace. Then she wanted to sit at a desk. Then she wanted to take the school supplies off of a real student's desk. Then she wanted to shout again. SO... We shuffled out into the hallway... where middle little continued her tantrum. And littlest little decided to join in... just for fun.

This is what happens when two out of three littles do NOT receive an afternoon nap.

I quickly phone husband:

me: WHERE are YOU?

him: I'm just parking. Be there in a minute.

me: YOU ARE 3 and a HALF SECONDS LATE.

him: I'm here.

me: I am standing in the hall... I have MISSED everything.

him: silence.

me: EVERYTHING.

him: continued silence.

me: These TWO are relentless... going at it since 2pm. For four hours now. NONSTOP. Screaming.

him: UMMMM....

He's here. I pass off the two busy littles and silently sneak back into the classroom. Where in fact, the teacher is wrapping up her "we are going to have a great school year" speech. UGH.

me: I would be very EXPENSIVE tonight IF I drank!!!

Once we arrived at home, we recapped the evening. What did I learn? Well, nothing important that pertains to the school year. Acquaintance A is getting a divorce. Classmate B went to a different school. Classmate C is new this year. Mother A got a boob job. Father A got laid off. Mother D is stressed out over her child's broadening rear end. Father L got his driver's license back (dui??). I swear I wasn't listening...

Upon getting the girls ready for bed, I decided to write the prank on my littlest little's diaper:

"I AM GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER"

Then the thought occured to me... children have a sixth sense in knowing when mommy is knocked up... their behaviour turns for the worse. Oh no, did I just sign my own fate on my little's diaper?! Surely, it cannot really be true! But... there is not a full moon to explain their behaviour. Oh no, I must do some calculating of days. Fast.

If I could have captured the teacher's face (and attending parents),

then this is what it would have looked like (see woman's face in top right corner).

joplin

2011-08-08T01:37:00.000-05:00

I have been wanting to post about Joplin since May 27, to be exact... but words nor photos can really describe the city. And I have been wanting to write the right words.

Ironically, I was in Joplin exactly five days post-tornado disaster. And all I have to say is "unbelievable". Obviously, according to the 24 hour news coverage, you know it is bad. But it is really horrific. And terrifying to see the damage caused by mother nature.

The entire city was smoking.

The highway signs were twisted and bent in half.

There was twisted metal wrapped in trees.

Missing rooftops.

Trees with only their remaining trunks.

And then, not so ironically -- because now I knew my return route -- I was in Joplin again, one month after the tornado devastation.

And other than the new highway signs being replaced, not much had changed. The skies were brighter. The air was heavier with summer temperatures. But the city of Joplin still devastated.

The city is so much worse than what I have captured on film.

My prayers continue to go out to the city of Joplin.

Please note the next photo: Burger King. I believe it has been proven that the safest place within Burger King ... is the play area. Notice the untouched play structure. Unbelievable.

Blessings.

2011-08-04T01:31:00.002-05:00

A- B- C- D- E- F- G-...
THANK YOU GOD FOR FEEDING ME.

But somehow in our home the children's prayer has become a routine requet:
A- B- C- D- E- F- G-...
DON'T FORGET TO FLUSH YOUR PEE.

There is never a dull moment in our home. Or yours, I bet. With children or without. There is always humor and a story. Whether, your children are of the furry variety with four legs. Or your children are grown up. There is always a daily memory. Sometimes, you just have to find it!!

My middle little loves to whine for attention. The bellowing, annoying, earbreaking kind of whine. The kind of whine that is difficult to ignore because it is grating in your head and causing a split--Grand Canyon size . And you wonder if this is a stage? Or will this continue for the next 15 years?

One day, recently, middle little was in a full blown whine tantrum lying flat on the ground with the loudest of bellows coming from her wee vocal chords. I let her know that I was ignoring her.

middle little: "When is daddy coming home?"
me: "later".
middle little: "I want my daddy."
me: "later."
me: "please stop whining, it's hurting my ears."
middle little: "my daddy loves my whine."

Daddy arrives. Finally.

middle little: "daddy, do you love my whine?"
daddy: "what?"
middle little: "daddy, you love my whine."
daddy: "of course, i lov.....
me: "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT SAYING THAT... EVER... THIS IS NOT A JOKE!"
daddy: "i love you but you don't need to whine."
middle little: "I SAID, DO YOU LOVE MY WHINE?"
me: glare from hell peering into husband's big brown eyes.

A- B- C- D- E- F- G- ...
Thank you God for blessing me!

Todays.

2011-07-29T01:28:00.053-05:00

DON'T LET TOO MUCH OF YESTERDAY TAKE UP TOO MUCH OF TODAY!

how many of us fret about yesterday?
the should have dones? the should have beens? the should have saids? the should have kicked?

you know what I say...
"who gives a flyin' flip, buttercup!!"

on a radio program, kidd kraddick in the morning, 106 fm for those of you in the dfw area. and also for those of you who manage to be high-tech and listen on line or however you techies listen to radio programs (I sooo need a teenager under my roof), they have a similar call-in for the yesterdays and should-haves: it is called "GET OVER IT!".

I get it.
Get over it.
That is so yesterday.

We cannot control what other people think or say or do. We are only responsible for ourselves. But that is where the problem can occur. Yes, amongst ourselves. "What?", you are wondering. How can I possibly be responsible for saying or thinking or doing the wrong thing??

Well, sometimes we may do something unintentional. But it happens. And because of a lack of communication or misunderstanding -- words and actions can be misinterpreted.

Like caller A:
I dated this girl, so I cheated on her... and you know what she did: she shredded every shirt I owned.
I say to her, "Get over it...so I cheated, you were lousy in bed".

So you know what I would say to Caller A: you humongus a-hole. you're lucky i wasn't your girlfriend, because you'd be saying more than get over it. does "BOBBIT" mean anything to you? And also, there is probably a reason for lousy in bed... she had you and tiny tim on top of her. And shredding your shirts is the least of your troubles... get over it, yourself!!

Like caller B:
There's this girl who thinks that nobody likes her because she is too beautiful. She is always talking about her beauty. I say to her, "Get over it...you are not that pretty."

Actually, I have to agree with caller B. Pretty is so opinion. What is pretty to one person may not be pretty to another. And it is such a social faux-pas to announce your beauty in public. That is what a mirror is for... preferably the mirror in snow white... so that it announces you're the fairest in the land any time you need an uplift. So maybe caller B you can enlighten the beauty queen and let her know that her words are obnoxious and un-necesssary. Sex and Beauty are like MONEY... Those who have it (really have it), DON'T talk about it.

So "Get Over It" is kind of like my motto for today... don't let yesterday take up too much of today.

Unless it is the good stuff. The stuff that memories are made from. The stuff we love. The fluff we crave. Who really cares about the bad stuff? It's all good.
Unless your bad includes living on the streets; jobless, homeless, familyless, and prideless.
An ill-fated comment from a friend... probably wasn't really what it seems. A bad day on his/her end?
People say things but the words can be interpreted in so many different ways.
Let's everyone have a "Get over it" kind of day. Do what you want. Say what you want. Just not out loud.

Happy GET OVER IT day!
Happy Life is too short kind of day!
Happy cliche-sort of day!

a few of my favorite summer things

2011-07-27T01:13:00.048-05:00

First of all, this is at 8:00 am. And it has been this way for days, weeks, perhaps since May. Most likely, it will remain this way until at least November.
Although, it is one of my favorite things... the heat, that is. I love to see triple digits. It amazes my inner weather person.
However, I promise, this will be my last weather reference (for today, anyway).

Oklahoma and Texas, we love "QUIK TRIP". The best frozen drinks EVER.

Paddle boats. Or pedal boats. Love them. Minus the mosquitos.

Ahhhh. The fragrance. The color. The splendor. Lilacs!

Wakes. For a refreshing Splash and a Cool breeze.

And the best invention: A SKATE MATE.

Don't steal my idea without contacting me ... or lawyer Bob will be contacting you!!

Dog Walking.

And Dog Sitting.

These are a few of my favorite summer things. What are some of your summer favorites?

Happy Summer!

speaking in tongues.

2011-07-25T01:05:00.004-05:00

I just have to post these photos because they make me laugh. I hope they make you laugh too. Because it is Monday, and on Mondays, everyone needs a laugh or three. by the way, the following photos are all real and completely untouched. how is that for nature!!

Happy Everything Kind of Day! Happy Monday! Happy July 25th!

multiple choice.

2011-07-22T01:02:00.002-05:00

1. A.
or
2. B.
or
3. BOTH.

That is the question I am currently faced with. Cliche upon cliche, time flies the older one becomes. And everyone says so. And everyone says to new parents or parents of young children, "Enjoy their childhood because it all goes by too quickly." And yes, it is true. Why does their childhood pass so much faster than our own?

So, I am preparing for my XX chromosomal future. Probably inundated with excessive hormones. The weepy, manic, clingy, distant, raging, uncontrollable, emotional, irrational, sane, insane, rollercoastery, and even-keeled kind.

A. Do my future hormonal XX's receive this one as a gift? {I just love a matching trio!}

B. Or this one? Is it wrong to hope that we skip the hormonal drama and just prepare ourselves for their college life? In which B would be very apropos!

Or A and B. A to get us through the hormones. And B to get us through college. Hopefully, not A and B at the same time. Then, I would have to start drinking! And clearly, there is not a "BITCH 4/DRUNK 4" Tee to be found!!

Lost.

2011-07-18T12:30:00.000-05:00

I truly do not know what today is... until I post. It gives me the day and time. And for that, I am thankful. The only downside to that is when posting at night... because soon the day and time will be null and void. I tend to lose track of time. Perhaps, a therapist would have a name for this type of loss. And I know it is not Alzheimers. Is it?

I do have an explanation for not knowing the date/time: My favorite watch died a while back -- maybe a couple of years, maybe several months. It had not left my wrist for twelve years or so and I haven't replaced it. Because it is un-replaceable.

I suppose my sentimentality over a watch can be a good thing.

Watch, sunglasses, house, children, husband. My attachment is a good thing. All mentioned attachments are irreplaceable.

Gotcha! I correctly used irreplaceable... see, I do know how.   But I like to make up words (see all previous posts) yet there is one thing I have learned from having a child in elementary school: According to certified teachers in the education system, "Using made up words is not a sign of creativity... it is a sign of 'who let you pass to the next grade?'" But I am standing up to defend the CREATIVITY!! And I would like to know who decided that unreplaceable is not a word? And for that matter, why did he or she get to make that decision? Why ir- instead of un-?   And what qualifications gave that decision maker the ultimate last say?

Because in 1911, doctors and dentists did not have real degrees. They just took a few classes and became titled with the moniker "doctor".   Perhaps, that is why middle-age was considered 25?!   So I would like to be an RE. Why do I have to go to school for approximately 10 more years?

So it is summer. And it is hot.
Don't you get tired of all the weather and food updates from random people? Well, hot is hot. And since it is summer in the northern hemisphere... most days are hot for everyone.
And food. Really it is just food. And taste is just an opinion.

What I have learned this summer:

1. Baby Powder. Rub baby powder in your hair to rid your roots of shine (especially on these hot and humid days). However, if your hair is dark (any hue containing brown) -- then do not try this at home. Your hair will look funny!!

2. Pool time is never long enough. Whether it is 30 minutes or three hours. It is never long enough.

3. Your child will be bored at some point. Hopefully, just not every day.

4. All the city parks close at 10:00am due to heat advisory and bad air. (Trust me, this one is true!! Well, in our house anyway!)

5. SPF 50 every thirty minutes.

6.  All city activities resume after 7:00pm due to record high heat. (Again, this is true in our house!)

7. Summers are too short.

Happy Dog Days of Summer, Everyone!!

According to Health Magazine

2011-07-13T23:57:00.001-05:00

A British research states that you can lose 6 pounds a year -- just by SHOPPING.

Now that is my kind of research!

"The average woman burns roughly 385 calories each week scouring stores for best buys, which amounts to a whopping 20,000 calories a year." This is a direct quote from Health Magazine, May 2010.

However, there should be a disclaimer for Americans who tend to drive on their shopping expeditions. The British and the Europeans walk to their shopping destinations.

Ahhh, one can only dream of losing weight while shopping.
Or losing weight while eating.

Sweet dreams!

health 101

2011-07-12T23:34:00.001-05:00

The plunge of a colonoscopy unveiled.

Plunge, literally and figuratively, because once you get started there is no return.

If poo grosses you out ... you may want to stop reading NOW. But if gross doesn't effect you then read on. And I really won't be too graphic. Really. Because for the worst part, I was asleep. On a personal honeymoon.

I vowed I wouldn't write about this medical procedure. But I have changed my mind.   I decided to do a colonoscopy medical review for all you wondering people. And because nobody talks about it. Nobody tells you about the prep.

The prep is far worse than the actual procedure.

So, if you have reached the age of 50... make your colonoscopy appointment now. Colon cancer is 100% treatable if it is found. However, at the same time, it is 100% death if it is not found. Personally, I prefer the 100% treatable to death.

And if you are one of the lucky ones who have medically proven "family history" then you get to take the plunge into the colonoscopic world at the early age of 40!!

Imagine my surprise when I made my husband an appointment to get "Cleaned Out". The joke ended up being on me... I was the one who ended up with a "Cleaning Out" because of family history. And my doctor who's name begins with "Caca...". I mean really, Dr. Caca. It's like he was destined for being the King of Poo. I never did get beyond the Caca part of his name... I just call him Dr. Caca.   And secretly, I am hoping that his wife maintained her maiden name. And that the mini Cacas actually have a different last name... or perhaps he did not add to the gene pool.

So back to my husband's appointment. Which became my appointment.

A routine medical procedure. I can do this. Besides, I will be asleep. A medicinal-induced sleep for a sleep-deprived mom. I even asked the anesthesiologist to up the meds so that I could sleep for an additional 60 minutes. Actually, I begged. I pleaded. I groveled. "Just let me sleep!!"

The week before the plunge, one must stop taking all vitamins and meds (unless otherwise noted by your doctor). One must not eat any corn, seeds, or nuts. For obvious reasons. But in case this one has escaped you: corn, seeds and nuts are difficult to digest and take a lot of time to break down in the digestive system.

Two days before the routine procedure, one must stop eating. The fasting begins. A clear diet becomes your way of life.

Chicken broth, beef broth, vegetable broth.
Water.
Gatorade. No reds.
Propel.
Jello. No reds.
Popcicles. No reds.
More water.
Coffee.
Tea.
Soda.

JUST NO REDS.
And for those of us who did not receive A's in Art 101 and Science 101... No reds also means NO PURPLES. Because... blue plus red equals purple.

Reds are not easily broken down in the digestive system. And you do not want to have the colon probe detecting red!!

So fighting off a major headache in 105 degrees of heat, in hindsight, I would opt to do a colonoscopy in December. Cooler temps. And a fast to prepare for that fancy black holiday dress.

One day before the medical procedure, one must begin taking a PREP. A PREP to cleanse you. There are different preps. Most doctors feel that a liquid prep is the best course of action.

The prep is a powder to be mixed with water just before drinking. It is 4 cups. 32 ounces. And, let me tell you, it is the BIG GULP from HELL. One must drink this liquid dynamite in one hour. Yes, one hour. Fill your gut with this PREP so your intestines can blow up. This PREP that tastes like a bad salted gatorade drink from a kids science experiment kit that has gone bad and very wrong.

I have an extremely weak stomach. Loose teeth make me want to vomit.

So after choking down the first PREP, I went to bed and tried to sleep off the horrible lingering feeling. The feeling as if you drank too much tequila and you just want to go to the ER and get your stomach pumped so that you feel a bit better.

And when I woke up, it was time to complete the second PREP. Another 4 cups. Another 32 ounces.

The smell is like one I have never smelled before. Words cannot describe the taste or the smell, but I know my nose and mouth will never forget.

I managed to get 1/4 of the way through the second PREP before my stomach went into serious convulsions. Gag reflex in full force. And the vomiting begins. For the next five hours. I am not sure how that was even remotely possible since I had not had any solids in almost 36 hours. Just liquids.

So panic struck. Shit. IF I don't have this PREP in me, I won't be able to proceed with the colonoscopy and then I will have to do all this prep again. And I cannot. I physically cannot ever drink the PREP or smell the prep or do the prep ever again. Ever.

I called Doctor Caca at 6:30 -- twelve hours away from my appointment. And do you know what he said to his anxiety-ridden, vomiting, panic-stricken patient... "Don't worry, you will be fine, just drink slower."

So I sipped. And vomited. And sipped. And vomited. For the next five hours.

The goal here is to be doing number 2 in CLEAR. Yes, CLEAR. What exactly is clear?

I have learned that CLEAR can come in many shades depending on the person.   So if you are in the midst of a colonoscopy or about to have a colonoscopy... clear is a shade. Clear can be clear. Clear can be lemon-lime gatorade color. Clear can be tea color.

Well, the advice from Dr. Caca did not work. So I had my dear husband go to the pharmacy and buy enemas. Yes, I believe that purchase is way more humiliating than asking him to pick up tampons. I would have preferred tampons -- those don't even register on the humiliation scale.

So, people, if you are vomiting, an enema is your only hope of moving on to the final step.

It is vague, mainly because I have blocked out this moment of my life, but I managed to do the big E. And finally hours later, I managed to fall into a slumber filled with thoughts of "I have colon cancer" and "I have colon polyps".

The best part about this procedure is that my arrival time at the hospital is 7AM. I am the first scheduled appointment with Dr. Caca.   I did not have to spend too much time wondering about my shade of CLEAR or the fact that I hadn't eaten in days, or the fact that I vomited for five hours, or the fact that I may have to repeat the entire prepping stage and reschedule my colonoscopy.

I prayed. I took the Buddhist approach and prayed to every living thing I laid eyes upon.

And then I got to take a nice sleep. The nurses were telling me about their recent anniversary vacations so I fell into a lovely vacation paradise slumber. My personal honeymoon to Koh Phi Phi. I am sure it was a lovely trip. I just wish I could remember it.

The only souvenir I received was a photo post card. Not to be viewed by the queasy! If you know what I mean.

And the good news is that I am healthy!
And the bad news is that I need to be seen again in two years due to family history.

Next time, I will be asking for Prep PILLS.

WARNING: if you have a sensitive stomach be forewarned about the taste and smell of the PREP.

Please get your routine colonoscopy today!

seven-eleven

2011-07-11T23:01:00.000-05:00

Hey, everyone!

You have exactly 1 hour and 1 minute CST (or 1 minute EST) to get yourself to 7-11.

IT IS FREE SLURPEE DAY!!!

FREE SLURPEES, people!

I love 7.11.2011

And if you are unfortunate to be stuck in an EST locale... remember this day for next year. 7.11.2012

I just love a FREE SLURPEE DAY!

I have to run... need one last slurpee here in CST.
Good night!

what is in a date?

2011-07-11T22:58:00.000-05:00

I love 7.7
It's the star lovers day in Japan. How great of a celebration is that? All about star-crossed lovers that can meet only one day out of the year; weather permitting. I have to say it is one of my favorite days of the year. Not that I am star-crossed. Nor do I have a lover. But if I did, we would be star-crossed.

However on this day (7.7), I have to admit, I look quite silly running around the yard with sparklers and poppers shouting my wishes and dreams upward into the waning blue sky.

"I wish for 75 degrees year round"
"I dream of landing myself as an extra on NCIS"
"I wish for a sign... any damn sign"
"I dream of singing backup with Jimmy Buffett"
"I am wishing for edamame flavored popcorn to arrive in America!"

One year, my neighbor called my husband at work the following day to let him know that they are still working from home and that they could keep a closer eye on me if needed. He told them something about my fascination with Asia. So now every time I see neighbors A and B, they bow to me and speak very slowly and loudly.

Or the time Neighbor C returned our RIP tombstone sign from Halloween.

Or the time a passerby circled around the block and reminded me that it's the seventh not the fourth.

Hey, thanks!!

I celebrate 7.7! Alone.

It's the sumo day that my neighbors should worry about.

effervescent shitstain

2011-07-06T15:48:00.002-05:00

I love this color.
I want to paint every wall this color. I even love how the name just rolls off my tongue; effervescent shitstain. Effervescent shitstain. Effervescent shitstain.

"Hi, and welcome to my home. It has been custom painted with effervescent shitstain."

The heat has set in the south. And holy guacamole, it is HOT. Possibly on the verge of brain-fry over here.

So, I highly recommend painting indoors as a way to spend your days. And surely you know what color I am going to suggest: effervescent shitstain.

More importantly, for all of you in the depths of dog day summer, check out the best of "Damn You Auto Correct". This is a most hilarious website.

For more fun and laughs: http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/

Seriously, you will bust out laughing and ... then have to explain your fits of laughter to your children. or husband. or whoever.

Are you hooked yet???

randomness.

2011-06-16T23:43:00.015-05:00

or not.

I think about a lot of random things at relatively odd times. Most of the time I keep the thoughts to myself... because surely nobody else has wondered the same thing. Or have they??

Like Notre Dame.

The most famous Notre Dame is a cathedral portraying a fine example of gothic architecture in Paris, France. I realize everyone knows where the Notre Dame is located but I stated it's location for a reason.

The Notre Dame is french and is directly translated to: "Our Lady" meaning the "Blessed Virgin Mary".

There are more cathedrals bearing the Notre Dame name throughout the world:

Algeria
Notre Dame d'Afrique in Algiers

Canada
Notre-Dame Basilica (Montreal)
Notre-Dame Church (Montreal)
Notre-Dame-de-Bon-Secours Chapel, Montreal
Notre-Dame de Québec Cathedral in Quebec City
Notre-Dame Cathedral Basilica, Ottawa

Haiti
Cathedral of Our Lady of the Assumption, Port-au-Prince, the Catholic cathedral, also called Port-au-Prince Cathedral

France
Basilica of Notre-Dame de Fourvière in Lyon
Bayeux Cathedral, also Cathédrale Notre-Dame de Bayeux
Chartres Cathedral, also Cathédrale Notre-Dame de Chartres
Église Notre Dame de l'Assomption, Metz
Église Notre-Dame la Grande, Poitiers
Notre Dame des Cyclistes, in Labastide-d'Armagnac
Notre-Dame de la Garde in Marseille
Collegiate Church of Notre-Dame, Melun
Notre-Dame de Nice
Notre Dame de Paris
Notre Dame du Haut in Ronchamp
Reims Cathedral, also Notre-Dame de Reims
Strasbourg Cathedral, also Cathédrale Notre-Dame-de-Strasbourg
Rouen Cathedral, Notre-Dame Rouen

Luxembourg
Notre-Dame Cathedral, Luxembourg

Philippines
Notre Dame of Greater Manila in Caloocan City

United States of America
Basilica of the Sacred Heart, Notre Dame, in Indiana
Church of Notre Dame (New York City)

Vietnam
Saigon Notre-Dame Basilica in Ho Chi Minh City

So now I have given you a bit of Notre Dame trivia regarding cathedrals around the world bearing the same name. Although the Paris, France Notre Dame is the one that most people regard when the cathedral's name is mentioned.
A bit of trivia regarding the regions in which the above named Notre Dame Cathedrals are located:
France -- they speak French
Canada -- they speak French in the regions of the Notre Dame locales
Vietnam -- the French occupied Vietnam once upon a time
Luxembourg -- they speak French
Algeria -- the French once occupied Algeria
Haiti -- once French occupied

You see a pattern here???

hint: FRENCH

So back to my thoughts ... see, I didn't stray...

Notre Dame, the University. Located in Notre Dame, Indiana aka South Bend, Indiana.
The mighty Notre Dame --she is French

So WHY on God's GREEN EARTH is Notre Dame called the FIGHTING IRISH?
The Fighting Irish.
Notre Dame is FRENCH.
Shouldn't the university be called by the FRENCH namesake: "The Fighting French".

And most students at Notre Dame are of Irish descent because some ethnicity challenged nitwit has stated matter-of-factly that Notre Dame is Irish. It is a school to attend for the Irish Tradition. The luck of the Irish.

Clearly the above average 1700+ SAT scorers residing as university students know that Notre Dame is French and not Irish, right?

So WHY oh WHY is Notre Dame not FRENCH????

I am not the only one.

2011-06-15T22:47:00.002-05:00

There is a whole subculture of wives who participate in the same type of activity.
We omit facts.
Facts that involve numbers.
Facts that involve numbers that make up something called "Prices".
And those numbers usually participate in the game of shopping.

Q: How much did you pay for that?
A: The amount is usually 40 to 50% less than actual pay.

Q: Is that new?
A: No, I've had that. See, you, never pay attention. I showed you that about six months ago... at least.

I have only met one lady who seems to be completely appalled by the fact that wives play this little game. Because I'm sure that lady is totally honest 100% of the time with her spouse. Perhaps, she is honest about shopping but maybe not so honest about the cute cabana boy. Just a guess...

Anyway, I have heard some fun stories from salesclerks and cashiers over the years.

At the drycleaners, one lady paid for a surprise 70th birthday party for her husband that ran in the amount of a few thousand dollars. The drycleaners has a policy: $10 minimum charge on a credit card. So she would always make her amount for $10 or $15 depending on the week. If her bill totalled $7.50 then she would pocket the $2.50 (or $7.50). She did this weekly. She saved every cent of it. And she gave her lovely husband one helluva surprise! I love that story!!!

And at Walmart, one woman or a few, purchase gift cards at the kiosks set up near the checkout lanes. Gift cards like Macy's or Barnes & Noble or Ann Taylor. They purchase a gift card during their weekly grocery shopping trip. Then they go shopping at the location of their recent gift card purchase!! Wife spends less at Macy's (or at least, in appearance)! ha ha ha.

At the salon, one woman pays for half of her beauty treatments with cash and the other half is on credit card. That way, hubby only sees the credit card portion and thinks that it is such a little amount to make his wife sooooo happy. In turn, he feels happy paying the half amount!!

And in a friend's home, the residing hubby firmly believes that there is always a sale somewhere... it just isn't his wife's job to find them all.

There are more stories. And every wife has one. From some moment or another...

And all I say is ... GO WIFE!!!

10 months

2011-06-14T22:30:00.001-05:00

My baby is ten months old.
And, really, she is not a baby anymore.
It happened quickly... infant to baby to pre-toddler.
In a blink. I blinked and she was no longer a baby.

She wants to keep up with her big sisters.

I thought for sure that my baby - who truly is the baby in birth order - would want to stay a baby for as long as possible: riding on my hip till she is six, carrying a baba around till she begins kindergarten, sucking on a pacifier till her baby teeth fall out, and wearing diapers till the principal calls to reprimand me. I really thought she would stay a baby for as long as I wanted her to.

Well, she didn't.

She is on the verge of walking. Yes, walking.

I am not ready.

This has been a great year. And so the preparation begins to plan her very FIRST BIRTHDAY party. LADYBUGS.

Last year, my little girl was born on my eldest daughter's first day of second grade.
The year before, my middle little had sutures on my eldest daughter's first day of first grade.
The year before that, my eldest daughter's first day of kindergarten was a dud and it set the tone for the entire year.

So what could possibly happen on the first day of third grade?

My eldest has a plan:

Before putting baby to bed, I am to write a secret message on baby's diaper.
In the morning, daddy is to get baby out of bed and change her diaper.
When he changes the diaper, he will discover the secret message:
"I am going to be a BIG SISTER!"

With camera in hand, we capture daddy having a heart attack.

I think we will proceed with my eldest daughter's plan. It will be a memorable start to her third grade year!!

Proud to be a Mommy

2011-06-13T23:04:00.003-05:00

At summer's start, my girls and I created a bucket list of "things we want to do" over the next eighty-one days of summer vacation.

Our list includes touristy items like visiting "Legoland". And we listed simple items like "making stepping stones". Plus, the everyday items were noted: swimming with the blue night light, catching fireflies and picking fresh peaches. Yet, we left plenty of opportunity for impromptu activities that we may possibly learn about at the last minute.

So, it was an impromptu activity that led us to our recent outing. And an "OUTING" it was.

We headed into town to have lunch at one of our favorite eateries. Plus it has outdoors seating and we wanted to enjoy the weather from within the stratosphere.

Upon reaching our destination, we noticed that there was a festival of sorts going on across the street. After lunch, we went to check out the festival. And the temperature was perfect.

And the closer we came to our destination, I realized the more colorful it was. There were rainbows everywhere. And signs that said PRIDE advertised every empty telephone pole space. And flamboyant costumes began arriving.

Since I have one child that can read -- too well for today, I had to use my imagination because how was I going to explain this festival. Because clearly we haven't studied this topic in school yet.

children: "Mommy, what's going on?"
me: "Oh, it's a festival."
children: "What kind of festival?"
me: "Oh, a festival for people."
children: "Can we stay? We're people, aren't we?"
me: "Yeah, we're people. We can stay for a bit."
children: "Mommy, what is a PRIDE festival?"
me: "HUH?"
children: "Those signs say PRIDE."
me: "Oh, they do."
children: "Yes, what is a PRIDE festival?"
me: "Oh, it's for mommies and daddies. See all the rainbows. Children love rainbows. And this PRIDE festival is for all the PROUD mommies and daddies. They are sooooo PROUD of their children."
children: "Oh! So is that daddy PROUD of that other daddy? Because they are KISSING."
me: "Oh. Yeah. Well, Um, Huh?"
me: "I just remembered we have to go to the park before it closes. How about swinging and sliding?"

PS why do the PRIDE get the entire rainbow? It is something I have always wondered about!!

does this count?

2011-06-12T22:00:00.001-05:00

If I find a dog, can I take it home without checking in with the other head of household?
If I find a cat, can I take it home?

Is finding the same thing as "seeking"?

Can I seek out a dog to take home and just pretend that I "found" it?
Can I seek out a cat to take home and just pretend that I "found" it?
Does the same "theory" apply to "finding" a cute pot-bellied pig?

What about rescuing an animal? I am totally for saving an animal!!
Can I pretend that I "found" a rescue animal although money was involved in the exchange of ownership? Plus a vet check up, a microchip, heartworm pills and spaying/neutering were included in the exchange.

Imagine my surprise when my daughter received a pet for her birthday. I was so excited. Excited for her. A pet of her very own. A gift. A thoughtful gift. A fun gift! Did I mention how excited I was when she was given a pet!!!???

What a great opportunity! A great way to receive a puppy or a kitten! I did not even have to pretend to find, seek, hunt down, rescue or buy a pet that is clearly unwanted by another head of household (only because he knows he will be on Poop-Duty for the rest of his life)!!!

So, hours after my daughter was informed that she was the new owner of a new and cuddly pet... she finally received her pet.

giver: "I sure hope you like fish."
me: "Of course, we like fish. We eat fish 4 to 5 times a week: white fish, red fish, pink fish, shellfish, ... all kinds of fish."
giver: "HUH???"
me: "We just love fish!"
giver: "Well, I kind of mean... do you like fish?"
me: "UMMMM, yes, duh, we love fish."
giver: "I kind of mean... do you like fish for pets?"
me: "real ones???"
giver: "yes, duh!!!"
me: "real ones???"
And you should have seen my expression!
giver: "I bought this cute betta fish for your daughter."
me: "Is it alive?"
me: "Where do I keep it?"
giver: "Yes, it is alive. You keep it anywhere you would like."
me: "The toilet?"
giver: "HUH???"
me: "No, really, where is the cute puppy? or kitty? or shetland pony? really, we can have one of those at home."
giver: "HUH???"
me: "damn, damn, damn, damn. no puppy. no kitty. no shetland pony."

giver: "Here, birthday girl, this is your new fish. He is so happy to be in your home now."
daughter: "Yeah! My fish!"
giver: "What will you name him?"
daughter: "damn, damn!"

mom-itch

2011-06-06T01:03:00.001-05:00

Recently, I read an article that emphasized that you should be doing what you want to be doing to be truly happy.

So, my 1st question is:
"How do you know if you are not happy?"
"Did somebody tell you or did you decide for yourself that the happiness truck has not made deliveries this month (or week or year or decade)?"

And the 2nd question is:
"What should you be doing to be truly happy?"
"Did somebody tell you what you should be doing or did you just decide that making mud pies and selling them on eBay would make you truly happy?"

When I read statements like my first sentence... it gets me thinking. And since my mind wanders about quite a bit... I just wonder how these statements can be so general and nonsensical.

Or how about this magazine article statement: "Do what you love and the money will follow."

Firmly planted on the sofa with a pillow prop, lying on my ass, with a coffee table set up with my reading material, the remote, snacks, and drinks in a nearby dormsized fridge... How will MONEY follow this scene???

I love to read. Perhaps, money will follow.

However, reading frequently gets me in trouble at my physicians' offices. What? You don't have several physicians on speed-dial???

Whenever I read a disturbing article, I have overactive dreams that awaken me with the possibility that something might in fact be wrong with me. I place an urgent call to my doctor so that I can verify my dream or discredit my dream as well as the article I have memorized.

Like the time I wouldn't sleep for three weeks -- because I was sure I was carrying a "dwarf" baby during pregnancy.

Or the time I insisted I had an underactive thyroid. Total denial about the leftover baby fat. And the hostess twinkie addiction.

Or the time I .... well, you get it. I suppose my OCD interferes with my hypochondriac tendencies.

So, now that I have checked in with all my doctors I have discovered that I need three surgeries this fall. How can I possibly find time to take care of that??

I will no longer be calling my physicians. I will be looking for newdoctor friends to call with my "issues". Because I am quite sure my new friends won't be recommending surgery for fixing... they will hopefully be suggesting "brown bottle tonic".

memory loss

2011-06-05T00:17:00.005-05:00

by choice. perhaps? study is inconclusive.

Certain moments trigger my memory. Random thoughts. Obscure moments. At one time I high-fived myself for having an amazing memory, and then I had children. And have totally lost my mind, memory - short and long term, and the brain appears to be stuck in pause mode.

The only person out there doing the "happy dance" is my husband. Yup, that's right ... wife loses brain and husband is happy-dancin' around town. And that is only because I now cannot dredge up some unfortunate past situation regarding his family.

You know the kind of family that finds itself into every conversation:

him: "I really would appreciate it if you could help me with the pool."
me: "Well, if your lazy ass sister hadn't visited ten years ago... then, maybe, ...."
him: "What does SHE have to do with the pool?"
me: "Well, if she didn't swim in it, then, maybe..."
him: ????????
me: "It's totally related!!!!"

Discussion is CLOSED. I think I may have WON.

But one night, I had a recollection. In public. In company that I don't know well. And this company surely doesn't know me.

The group began to tell stories. Stories that I listened to... as any wallflower would do. I like to listen. Participating is something I do not do well. But the conversation turned to DWIs and Police Encounters. Why?
I do not know.
And for some unknown reason, I felt the need to chime in with my "secret".

"What I do when confronted by an officer while speeding:
Why, I talk DEAF, of course.
Doesn't everybody?"

And so, in a group of about 20 people, I spoke in my DEAF voice.

And the entire room of 431 people fell silent. Dead silent. And as 862 eyes rolled in my direction... considering that everyone has both eyes... I laughed. Nervously. And then, I ran. Out the door. And to my home.

Upon arriving at home, a friend (among the small group of 20) called to say, "You're Good. Were you ever deaf before?"

"Thorry...ong number. CLICK".

where's the beef?

2011-06-03T00:15:00.001-05:00

OK. C. this one is for you. I am back from my mental vacation... although I am officially on vacation. Well, the children are anyway. And since they are on summer vacation, I think I will revert back to my early years and think of myself as on vacation too.

No dinners, lunches, or breakfasts. Well, on a schedule anyway. We are going to be so far off schedule. Mainly due to the fact that I am being detained for being a smartass.

One of my favorite parts about growing up ... other than daydreaming I was an only child ... was the visitation rites to military bases/facilities. So, now that I am considered a non-dependent, the only way I can visit a military base/facility is to attend with my parents. I cannot believe the military has cut me off!!!

Recently, I had the opportunity to visit a base. Name of base is unknown due to security reasons. And my name.

I arrived with a very eager- to- follow- the- directions attitude. No misinformation. I was trying to be serious... as in NOT using the B-word (bomb) at an airport even if you are just totally joking around. Because as I have been warned THAT is NOT a joke, AT ALL!!

Military person: "May I see your ID?"
Me: "Yes".
Me: "Here it is".
Military person: takes ID and appears to be studying it a bit too closely. "HMMMMM."
Me: "I am definitely over 21"
Military person: "I AM NOT CHECKING YOUR AGE."

And so that is how I ended up in "detainment".

I suggest not joking with anyone who has the authority to screw your day over.

on vacation.

2011-05-11T23:40:00.000-05:00

gotcha!!!

Not really a vacation, but a mental vacation. A mental no-blogging vacation.

So we have been to six birthday parties, one soccer post-season party, one tennis post-season party, one gymnastics party, one ranch (a glorified farm -- for those of you from the north/midwest) party, two church parties, one mommy party, two mommy events, 14 doctor appointments ... all in eight days.

And to add a cherry ...

I discovered that one of my girls is a scientist. Yes, at this early undefined age, she is performing science experiments. And. I drink.

Recently, one of her experiments involved CAUSE and EFFECT.

WHERE?
WHY?
HOW?
WHEN?
WHAT?

Where will an object go ... IF I SWALLOW IT? ON PURPOSE.

Why does the object NOT resurface immediately upon swallowing it? Why doesn't the object just drop out my bottom? You know, like a straw?? In one end and out the other end.

How come I can't see my object?

When will I find it?

and the effect of mommy's plea:

What in the HELL did you swallow?

How many Matrushka Dolls tell me do you see?

one. two. three. four. five.

five Matrushka Dolls.

they are orange.

How many Matrushka Dolls tell me do you see?

one. two. three. four.

four Matrushka Dolls.

they are red.

Four? Four? Oh My God!

Where's the baby Russian Doll?

"She's sleeping in my belly."

world news

2011-05-05T01:24:00.002-05:00

First there is the national coverage on the tornadoes that have devoured regions of the south.
And this is a very sad reality.
Plus, how can one really be safe in the south when basements do NOT exist??

Then there is the Royal Wedding. William and Catherine.
With round-the-clock coverage.
It was a beautiful wedding.
And for all you with your own wedding opinions, that is just what they are, opinions.

Now, Osama bin Laden has died?!
And this is a very happy reality.
If it is true?
Is it?
I have heard so many differing accounts as to his death that I stopped listening to the news after the first three hours and that was three days ago. So my post may be totally incorrect. And I am aware of that possibility.
So, do they have his body?
Was it, in fact, lost at sea?
And if not; who, what, where, when, how need to be addressed. I believe the "why" has been covered. What type of proper burial will take place? What is proper for an evil, crazed maniac?

Just give us the facts. No probabilities. No maybes. No supposes. No ifs.

Back in 2008 during the Presidential Campaign, bumper stickers were produced and adhered to many vehicles. The democratic campaign: Obama / Biden

And the only thing I could see in that bumper sticker:

An anagram. Yes, an anagram.

Osama bin Laden = Obama / Biden

no caving in

2011-05-04T01:11:00.003-05:00

For six days, I tried to get my "Middle Little" to visit the Easter Bunny.

We would dress up.

We would have a special treat.

We would bribe.

We would be hopeful.

Because...

"Middle Little" did dress up.

She did inhale her special treat.

She accepted the bribe.

We were still hopeful.

Then...

We would all load into the car.

We would complete the anticipated drive.

We would locate the bunny.

Then...

"Middle Little" would retreat to fear.

And lay on the floor with her eyes covered.

Six days. And I got nothing.

Maybe next year???

Or maybe not. Because somehow, "Middle Little" believes the

Easter Bunny is going to put her in the FIRE.

i.love.bluebonnets.

2011-05-03T01:15:00.004-05:00

every year, I say the same thing... "I love bluebonnets". They are such a beautiful sight in spring as winter disappears for another year and as summer begins to heat up.

if you ever get the chance to go to Texas, take it from me, don't pass it by...

although... I do have a crush on Texas.
But... I also have a crush on thousands of other places to call home.

actually, I love every town/city/state/country that I visit. I imagine myself living there. I peruse classifieds for homes to buy and jobs to obtain. I learn the layout of the land... because you never know... I may just find myself living in Paris, Arkansas. Or Hell, Michigan. Or Bend, Oregon. Or New Heidelberg, Minnesota. Or Timbuktu, Vermont. Or New Smyrna Beach, Florida.

But for now...
Here's to the Texas Bluebonnets!

mooooo. moooo.

2011-05-02T01:04:00.002-05:00

My view in Texas does not include highways or skyscrapers.

It's city living with Cows and Oil Rigs. That's right!

Cows next to WalMart. Yup!

It's oil rigs across from JoAnn Fabrics. It's true!

Even saw a coyote ... at WalMart. Really!

And a camel next to Home Depot. Honest!

God Bless Texas!

how to avoid the flu

2011-04-29T01:15:00.000-05:00

In order to avoid the flu...

* Eat right!   Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies.

* Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

* Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system.  Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the lift, etc.

* Wash your hands often.   If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.

* Get lots of fresh air. Open doors & windows whenever possible.

* Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

* Get plenty of rest.

OR

Take the doctor's approach.

Think about it...

When you go for a flu shot, what do they do first?

They clean your arm with alcohol...

Why?

Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.

So...

I walk to the pub. (exercise)

I put lime in my vodka. (fruit)

Celery in my Bloody Mary. (veggies)

Drink outdoors on the patio. (fresh air)

Tell rude jokes and laugh. (eliminate stress)

Then I pass out. (rest)

The way I see it...

If you keep your alcohol levels up,

flu germs can't get you!

As my grandmother always said,

'A shot in the glass is better than one in the ass!'

time flies like an arrow

2011-04-28T01:59:00.000-05:00

fruit flies like a banana.

Spring is the beginning. The beginning of bug season, that is. Bugs, bugs, bugs. UGH.

Naturally, we see bugs all year long. But spring introduces our yard to some bugs we have never seen before. I love new things... but those things do not really include 'bugs'.

Unless, it is the lovely ladybug.

And as for the bugs, I really do not have enough time in my day to scream in terror, run, figure out a way to remove the bug from the home after cats deposit said bug next to my foot, try, struggle, remove, sigh!!