mom-itch

Recently, I read an article that emphasized that you should be doing what you want to be doing to be truly happy.

So, my 1st question is:
"How do you know if you are not happy?"
"Did somebody tell you or did you decide for yourself that the happiness truck has not made deliveries this month (or week or year or decade)?"

And the 2nd question is:
"What should you be doing to be truly happy?"
"Did somebody tell you what you should be doing or did you just decide that making mud pies and selling them on eBay would make you truly happy?"

When I read statements like my first sentence... it gets me thinking.  And since my mind wanders about quite a bit... I just wonder how these statements can be so general and nonsensical.

Or how about this magazine article statement:  "Do what you love and the money will follow."

Firmly planted on the sofa with a pillow prop, lying on my ass, with a coffee table set up with my reading material, the remote, snacks, and drinks in a nearby dormsized fridge... How will MONEY follow this scene???

I love to read.  Perhaps, money will follow.

 However, reading frequently gets me in trouble at my physicians' offices.  What?  You don't have several physicians on speed-dial??? 

Whenever I read a disturbing article, I have overactive dreams that awaken me with the possibility that something might in fact be wrong with me.  I place an urgent call to my doctor so that I can verify my dream or discredit my dream as well as the article I have memorized. 

Like the time I wouldn't sleep for three weeks -- because I was sure I was carrying a "dwarf" baby during pregnancy.

Or the time I insisted I had an underactive thyroid.  Total denial about the leftover baby fat.  And the hostess twinkie addiction. 

Or the time I .... well, you get it.  I suppose my OCD interferes with my hypochondriac tendencies. 

So, now that I have checked in with all my doctors I have discovered that I need three surgeries this fall.  How can I possibly find time to take care of that??

I will no longer be calling my physicians.  I will be looking for newdoctor friends to call with my "issues".  Because I am quite sure my new friends won't be recommending surgery for fixing... they will hopefully be suggesting "brown bottle tonic".

for the love of...

SLEEPING!

I may have mentioned a time or two that I am sleep deprived. 

Not to be confused with insomnia.

What baby expert, doctor citing, mommy handbook advisor

said "TO SLEEP WHEN BABY SLEEPS"?

Because, frankly, they are delusional.

Actually, my first adjective was "full of shit". 

What am I missing?

Do they have a nanny, maid, and another mommy living with them?

I will sleep in 2029.

Not that I am counting.

Nor am I wishing.

I am just stating the OCD obvious.

Alexandra really does have a crib.  A place to sleep.

It's just that some days are entirely on the go...

that she just falls asleep as soon as we return home.

Wish I could do that!

OCD = obsessive compulsive disorder

And another

T H I N G S   I   S H O U L D   B E   D O I N G   
I N S T E A D   O F   D O I N G  
M Y   K I D ' S   H O M E W O R K

1.    lying on the couch
2.    eating bon-bons
3.    eating anything
4.    watching tv
5.    reading light/fluffy material
6.    gardening
7.    knitting
8.    wii
9.    texting
10.  surfing the internet

Another list, of course

T H I N G S   T O   D O  
W H I L E   I   A M  W A I T I N G  F O R   
T H E   K I D S   T O   M O V E   O U T

1.    sell the kids stuff on ebay
2.    sell the kids and their stuff
3.    redo their bedrooms into non-bedrooms
4.    travel far, far away
5.    lose my hearing aid
6.    lose my glasses
7.    lose my head
8.    buy a 2-seater sports car 
9.    prepare only tofu/veggie-laden meals
10.  get a job