change

PS
Dear Mom and Dad (and my two other readers):

Please note the upcoming change:

oops no change oops

side note:

I apologize to all of you who search "tennis" or "tennis racket" or some other word regarding tennis ...

and for some unknown reason you turn up at some drivel-full blog with no famous tennis players.  Expecting something somewhat relevant to tennis.  And worse yet, it's just a small blog written by someone who totally sucks at tennis.  Although I love wearing tennis skirts.

But I thank you for reading my "wee tennis" story.  Or any other story.

I guess it could be worse, you could be searching for words like "giada's boobs" and get dumped onto my drivel ... which would be very upsetting.  For you.  And I am sorry if that happens.

PS 
Dear Mom and Dad (and my two other readers):
Please note the upcoming change:
 oops no change oops

lice is nice

Dear God,

I promise to stop ingesting my entire day's worth of calories before I go to bed.   Because, I swear, the food makes me CRAZY.  I mean, CRAZY DREAMS all night long. 

* Forget about the heartburn.
* Forget about the potential weight gain.
* Forget about the tooth decay.

What about the dreams?  Please God don't let them mean something!!  Because I really do not have the required amount of time to deal with the following mishaps.

Hope you're listening,
Your fellow listener,
~ m

So, last night, I dreamt about LICE.  Lice that erupted from white dandelion puffs.  The puffs that you blow and instead of spreading pollen -- it spread lice!  They were everywhere and I couldn't get the lice out of my house or children's hair.  And as I scrubbed and tugged and pulled and combed and weeded and separated my little one's hair strand by strand she announced, "LICE IS NICE".  And I laughed.

I woke myself up laughing. 

The dream prior to lice was about someone breaking into my home... and I grabbed a pistol.  But I could not remember the "rules" governing southern law. 
Can I shoot them with their back to me? 
Or do they have to be facing me?
And should I aim at their feet to deter the flee?
Or their arms so they can't run out the doors carrying baby gear?
And I couldn't comprehend why someone would break and enter for a wooden highchair or a used baby bjorn???
So I put a sign on my door, "8423 has better stuff -- they have teenagers".

Once and for all, I believe I have learned my lesson, NO FOOD AFTER 5pm.  Or at least four hours before slumbering.

PS  Please don't analyze my dreams, it really was the food intake prior to sleeping!

Heat Waves bring Autumn Faves

Now that I (literally) have nothing to wear... (remember my 75% donation post??)... I have a shopping list.  A list that contains a few trends.  And not my usual "mom-tume" of tennis skirts or running tees
or low riding (thong showing) bootcut denim. 

I am dreaming of a white (very white) Christmas... because all of these boots are on my list:

The "DEE" Boot by "Me Too"

The Channing Boot by UGG

The Rainboot by Calvin Klein

Don't forget the cowboy boot for all you southern and not so southern fashionistas!

And, Thank You Heavens, for TARGET who has a few of their own 2011affordable fashion trends (because you just spent all your money on BOOTS.)

 

What is on your list???

I am anxiously awaiting the cool morning  I can don a college sweatshirt.

Perhaps, this autumn my favorite one will be a Vassar College sweatshirt. 

 

drivel, drivel, drivel

blah, blah, blah...
yak, yak, yak...
la, ti, da...
oh, la, la...

I am in the mood to DONATE.  That's right.  Open up the closets, chests, and cabinets.  Fill trashbags full of stuff.  Take stuff to Goodwill or any other drop-off donation site. 
I wonder...
IF my husband and children will notice that half their stuff is GONE?  Given away.  Donated.  How sweet of them to unknowingly be so kind!

I am inspired by Jill Martin's "I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR" after viewing her ambush on the TODAY Show.  Jill's advice:  "You only wear 25% of the items in your closet -- GET RID OF THE 75%".

So, I did.  And it was easy to dispose of hubby's (and children's) items.
Now, I just have to apply this concept to my own closets. 

Good Luck on lightening your loads by 75% !!

worth my weight in gold

and I am quite sure I would be RICH.  However, worth my weight in chocolate and I am still RICH, just not the desirous kind of RICH.

Because ... this weekend I believe I ate my weight in chocolate covered almonds.  At least.  I have been trying to eat more nuts -- the healthy fat group -- almonds, pistachios, walnuts.  I am not sure why I chose nuts as my target food group, but there you have it... I chose nuts.  Although, I am quite confident that my dietician/nutritionist (IF I had one) would not agree to the nuts being smothered in a thick, yummy, coating of milk chocolate or dark chocolate.   And I did get my quota of healthy fats met, as well as my quota of unhealthy fats for the ENTIRE month!!

So for the next three days or three months ... no nuts.  Which won't be too impossible considering I spent a good portion of the weekend being ill from ingesting too many chocolate covered almonds.  I almost wish I was having a colonoscopy next week. 

Meanwhile ... the rest of the weekend went something like this ... 

Daughter:  "Mommy, do you think her family likes OKRA?"
Me:  "I suppose."  (Who is she talking about?)
Daughter:  "Do you think they grow OKRA in their backyard like we do?"
Me:  "Probably."  (Who?)
Daughter:  "I said, DO THEY GROW OKRA OR NOT?"
Me:  "Who?"
Daughter:  "OKRA."
Me:  "What are you talking about?"
Daughter:  "You know, that lady on tv."
Me:  "HUH?"
Daughter:  "OKRA WINFREY."

My daughter wants to know why OKRA WINFREY is named after a vegetable.  I smiled because after all isn't OKRA WINFREY from Mississippi??
{I believe that Oprah's parents who claimed to have made a spelling error and meant to name her Orpah is another mistake, I believe my daughter is correct, they meant to name her OKRA.}

Soccer season has begun.  Let me tell you this is one soccer mom who is excited for this season.  But not nearly as excited as the soccer mom who was on the field this morning giving countless directives and competitives.  And it was only practice.  This is going to be a great season... must remember to sit next to that soccer mom so my cheers will be overshouted. 

Have I mentioned that I have a new obsession?  Yes.  It's name is _______.
 
Me:  "I think we should travel to _______."
Me:  "Oh, and adopt a child as long as we are there."
Him:  "WHAT?"
Me:  "I think we should travel ..."
Him:  he interrupts, "I heard you, I just wasn't sure if you were kidding or not."
Me:  "No, not kidding.  No fake laugh."
Him:  "What is this about?"
Me:  "Well, since you are not in favor of getting a puppy from the humane society  -- I thought maybe a child from X?!"
Him:  "That is not even the same thing.  Where are you from?"


Well I passively mentioned my plan to my husband, only because I felt that he should be forewarned before the social worker arrives to do our homestudy. I would really not be happy if he blew the homestudy by feigning SURPRISE!!

I was thinking how nice number 4 would be as an addition to our fun!

And the last part of our weekend, oh how I hated to end the fun we were having....
I was thinking about curb appeal.  And indoor appeal.  Details that make a home.  Not just a house.
I need some ideas.  My big time consuming focus is on a sliding glass door.
What do you do to cover a sliding glass door?

Here's the requirements:
1.  I need sun blocking from 7am to 11am.
2.  After 11am, I can open to let the afternoon sun in because the sun will be high enough that I won't have to worry about glare or furniture destruction. 

Some suggestions I have heard:
1.  solar film on the window part of the sliders. 
    a.  does this work?
    b.  does this ruin the windows?
2.  Drapes.
    a.  where on earth do you buy drapes that wide?  each window is 37 inches.  it is recommended to double the width.  so two panels at 74 inches each?  where does one buy 74 inch panels??? 
    b.  most shops only sell panesl at 50 or 54 inches wide.
3.  Sheers.
    a.  will sheers keep my morning sun off my furniture?
4.  A new sliding door with low e and 366 UV blockage.
    a.  I cannot find that kind of door with that type of glass.  I found a new door but it just has glass.  Which means I still have my morning sun problem.
5.  Vertical blinds.
    a.  I really do not want these.  Nothing personal.  Just don't really want them.
6.  Spray fake snow on windows.
    a.  Not really fond of this idea.  At all!
7.  Anybody have any new ideas???
    a.  I peruse many catalogs, and not one catalog shows a sliding glass door.  Their drapes always cover just a window.     

Stay tuned for more adventures from our crazy household...
Have a great week, everyone!

T.G.I.Fibromyalgia

Anyone in need of a few laughs today? 

Auto Correct is hilarious... it somewhat reminds me of the new (well, not so new) Google instant.  I try to type in Chi... and I start getting facebook.com, youtube.com, chase.com.  A bit further in my spelling.. ca... and I get chic, chiclets, and fashionista. Just let me type CHICAGO!!!  The Google instant is not funny -- just very annoying.  But, relief is here, you can turn off the instant.   Go to upper right hand corner to the flower looking icon.  Click on it.  Then click on "search settings".  Scroll down a bit, and turn it OFF.

Back to the Friday laughs!!

wine vs. whine

honesty is always the best policy?

Today, my crew and I were doing errands... in a motley fashion, I might add.   The kind of style that hopefully won't turn too many heads.  One was dressed in a bathing suit with a coverup and donned wet hair to complete the "just came from the pool and I am not embarrassed" look.   Another, in a dance leotard and the biggest pink and orange tutu you have ever set eyes on.  And yet another, in a loud pink and green tutu with a blue polka-dot onesie because she is wearing her lunch in splots all over her mismatched outfit.  (Girls are in no particular order.)  And me, the "MOM uniform". 

It is only like 146 thousand degrees outside, so who really cares what we are dressed like?  Right?

After two stops, we decide to take our "party" indoors to a coffeeshop and purchase much needed refreshments.  "Caffeine" is on my mind.  After all, I only have about 18 hours left in my day. 

We spent a few minutes perusing the option board.  Finally, we made conclusive decisions on items to purchase.  Upon ordering, the cashier gave us the once over and asked, "For here or TO GO?"

I answered, "TO GO."

She replied, "THANK YOU."

I thought to myself, Is she thanking me for the small order or is she thanking me that we are NOT staying?

So, for a joke, I fake laughed and said, "It would be best if my lively bunch ate and drank at home."

And she said, with a straight face, "I appreciate it!"

(PS  I think she will not be having children in her future)

a day for thoughts

Tuesday.
What does this Tuesday bring you?

Goodness.
I hope.

The world needs a bit more goodness and kindness to be spread.

I (for once?) do not have much to joke about today or in fact, talk about.

Please send thoughts and prayers upward to the heavens for a dear friend of mine who was recently diagnosed with Stage IV Melanoma.  She has children.  She has her youth.  Not yet 40.  She has her positive attitude. 

 But she doesn't have her health at the moment. 

Unfortunately, she did not have any warning signs.  No illness.  No lingering fatigue.  Just no sign.  Until her diagnosis. 

So another plea, coming from me:
Go and Get checked by a dermatologist.  Check everything.  Nails, feet, scalp, palms, etc... Everything. 
Everyone make an appointment today.
And wear your SPF 50!!

multitasking.

Multitasking is something I do.  It is what a lot of people do.  But honestly, we all suck at it. 

This summer, multitasking took a back seat to real life.  And real stuff.  But now with the start of school (a week ago), I have begun to multitask all day long.  And screw a lot of stuff up on a daily basis. 

My multitasking kind of morning start (6:30am - 7:00am):

check email (mainly school messages)

boil eggs

clean the smallest bathroom

start a load of pink hued clothing -- because we have a lot of PINK

listen for the littlest little

hold the middle little

pack oldest little's lunch

* email (nothing from school or teacher but got sidetracked with Pottery Barn Kids Gear Sale)

* eggs are boiled (for longer than 10 minutes... and harder than shit to remove from their shells)

* smallest bathroom (reloaded the toilet paper)

* washer loaded and started (forgot several articles of clothing since they were strewn from one end of the house to the other)

* littlest little still sleeping (as far as I know)

* middle little in a puddled heap on the floor next to me

* oldest little got a smorgasbord of leftover crap to eat for lunch

So, multitasking -- it works, just not very well for me!

mybabyisoneicantbelieveit!

My baby.  My third baby girl.  My final baby (yes, the prank was truly a prank).  She is ONE.  Today!

What a fast and amazing year it has been!

A baby in the house.   We have gone from napping/feeding every two hours to napping rarely and grazing always.  We have gone from cuddly to on-the-move in a blink.  We have gone from dark brown hair to 'to-be-determined' hair color.  We have gone from very blue eyes to 'maybe they are still blue? with a hint of green, and mom's golden native american flecks'. 

She walked at 10 months.
She has 8 teeth... almost completely through.
She can throw a great tantrum.
She has mastered the "fake cry".
She can out-shout the other two girls.
AND as of today, SHE ESCAPED OUT THE CAT DOOR.  Into newfound freedom... this next year is going to be busy! 

Yes, a lot has happened this past year.

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY, LADYBUG!

Stay tuned for ladybug pictures... as well as hello kitty party pictures... as well as... oh well, I will get caught up one of these days.

And this says it all...

1st day of school.

5:45am.  Littlest little awakes.
6:00am.  I insist hubby get littlest little and change her diaper (remember the prank?).
6:05am.  I jump in the shower... surely hubby will change littlest little.
6:25am.  I stayed in the warm water for a very long time.

The first day of school always produces some big event unrelated to school, but so big that we will never forget the first day of school.   So eight little words written on a diaper will be something we remember forever. 

"I AM GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER"

6:30am.  Hubby isn't moving.
6:40am.  He's still not moving.
6:45am.  I think we got him.  I'd like to shout "APRIL FOOLS" but it's a bit early.
6:50am.  I poke him.  Nothing.
6:55am.  I stop staring at him.
6:59am.  Do you know how old I am?
7:02am.  We thought it would be funny.  A great way to start the year.
7:05am.  How?  DEAD?

a little addiction.

Coming up on my six month dental appointment, and can you believe my dentist has failed to implement my botox idea??  I mean, like not even give my idea a second thought!  Botox is not even on his radar, at all!

What am I going to do? 

(hence, the "life is crap")

And then a thoughtful friend turned me onto GROUPON.  And let's just say, "I do have my GROUP ON".

I am addicted.

I love getting those daily emails with the specials du jour. 

It's a little piece of shopping heaven waiting for me when I finally get a peaceful moment to log on. 

I have an inbox filling up with "laser hair removal specials".  Underarms, lower legs, bikini ... anywhere else you want to be lasered? 

"Heat transfer lipo something or other" ... what is this?  Must look this procedure up... how fun!

"Jamaica for two"... ahhh, doesn't another HOT locale sound great about now??

"$10 for $20 dinner at Chilis"... who doesn't ever have a reason to eat at Chilis?

"$60 for 12 weeks of bootcamp classes" ... another gym to frequent, why not?

"Anti-aging skin procedures"... how did they know?
"$100 for six to Zip-Line at a locale two hours from my home" ... is this a good deal?  It must be, Groupon says so!
"$50 for a two-hour boat rental on Lake Whatchamacallit -- three hours from my home"... what a great way to take the kids on a boat!  We don't even have to take ours out of its slip.  Yahoo.

I am fatigued just reading about all of the money I can save doing all the activities that I may or may not get around to completing before their expiration date. 
And my hubby is exhausted at hearing me shout from the computer about all of the money we can be SPENDING!

Ahhhh,  Groupon.  Thank you for visiting my inbox... but I must hit DELE.

meet the teacher.

I would like to say that "meet the teacher" was uneventful.  Rather forgetful.  However, I am aware that there are some people who would beg to differ. 

It began like this....

late, late, and more late.

We missed the entire "Principal Welcome".  Which probably included a lot of "GIVE more MONEY".  And "Please support our school".  Oh, and "Give more MONEY".  We missed the other speakers.  We missed the entire "Welcome back to school". 

However, we arrived in time to discover my child's classroom placement and to learn the names of her homeroom students.  We quickly walked to room 17.  We met Ms. M.  And then the chaos began.

Apparently, my middle little wanted to "read" the 'Welcome to Ms. M's Class' Speech.  Because she shouted through most of it... interrupting at a non-stop pace.  Then she wanted to sit at a desk.  Then she wanted to take the school supplies off of a real student's desk.  Then she wanted to shout again.  SO... We shuffled out into the hallway... where middle little continued her tantrum.  And littlest little decided to join in... just for fun.

This is what happens when two out of three littles do NOT receive an afternoon nap.

I quickly phone husband:

me:  WHERE are YOU?

him:  I'm just parking.  Be there in a minute.

me:  YOU ARE 3 and a HALF SECONDS LATE.

him:  I'm here.

me:  I am standing in the hall... I have MISSED everything.

him:  silence.

me:  EVERYTHING.

him:  continued silence.

me:  These TWO are relentless... going at it since 2pm.  For four hours now.  NONSTOP.  Screaming. 

him:  UMMMM....

He's here.  I pass off the two busy littles and silently sneak back into the classroom.  Where in fact, the teacher is wrapping up her "we are going to have a great school year" speech.  UGH.

me:  I would be very EXPENSIVE tonight IF I drank!!! 

Once we arrived at home, we recapped the evening.  What did I learn?  Well, nothing important that pertains to the school year.  Acquaintance A is getting a divorce.  Classmate B went to a different school.  Classmate C is new this year.  Mother A got a boob job.  Father A got laid off.  Mother D is stressed out over her child's broadening rear end.  Father L got his driver's license back (dui??).   I swear I wasn't listening...

Upon getting the girls ready for bed, I decided to write the prank on my littlest little's diaper:

"I AM GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER"

Then the thought occured to me... children have a sixth sense in knowing when mommy is knocked up... their behaviour turns for the worse.  Oh no, did I just sign my own fate on my little's diaper?!  Surely, it cannot really be true!  But... there is not a full moon to explain their behaviour.  Oh no, I must do some calculating of days.  Fast. 

If I could have captured the teacher's face (and attending parents),

then this is what it would have looked like (see woman's face in top right corner).

joplin

I have been wanting to post about Joplin since May 27, to be exact... but words nor photos can really describe the city.  And I have been wanting to write the right words.

Ironically, I was in Joplin exactly five days post-tornado disaster.  And all I have to say is "unbelievable".  Obviously, according to the 24 hour news coverage, you know it is bad.  But it is really horrific.  And terrifying to see the damage caused by mother nature.

The entire city was smoking. 

The highway signs were twisted and bent in half.

There was twisted metal wrapped in trees.

Missing rooftops.

Trees with only their remaining trunks.

And then, not so ironically -- because now I knew my return route -- I was in Joplin again, one month after the tornado devastation.

And other than the new highway signs being replaced, not much had changed.  The skies were brighter.  The air was heavier with summer temperatures.  But the city of Joplin still devastated. 

The city is so much worse than what I have captured on film.

My prayers continue to go out to the city of Joplin.

Please note the next photo:  Burger King.  I believe it has been proven that the safest place within Burger King ... is the play area.  Notice the untouched play structure.  Unbelievable.

Blessings.

A- B- C- D- E- F- G-...
THANK YOU GOD FOR FEEDING ME.

But somehow in our home the children's prayer has become a routine requet:
A- B- C- D- E- F- G-...
DON'T FORGET TO FLUSH YOUR PEE.

There is never a dull moment in our home.  Or yours, I bet.  With children or without.  There is always humor and a story.  Whether, your children are of the furry variety with four legs.  Or your children are grown up.  There is always a daily memory.  Sometimes, you just have to find it!!

My middle little loves to whine for attention.  The bellowing, annoying, earbreaking kind of whine.  The kind of whine that is difficult to ignore because it is grating in your head and causing a split--Grand Canyon size .  And you wonder if this is a stage?  Or will this continue for the next 15 years? 

One day, recently, middle little was in a full blown whine tantrum lying flat on the ground with the loudest of bellows coming from her wee vocal chords.  I let her know that I was ignoring her.

middle little:  "When is daddy coming home?"
me:  "later".
middle little:  "I want my daddy."
me:  "later."
me:  "please stop whining, it's hurting my ears."
middle little:  "my daddy loves my whine."

Daddy arrives.  Finally. 

middle little:  "daddy, do you love my whine?"
daddy:  "what?"
middle little:  "daddy, you love my whine."
daddy:  "of course, i lov.....
me:  "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT SAYING THAT... EVER... THIS IS NOT A JOKE!"
daddy:  "i love you but you don't need to whine."
middle little:  "I SAID, DO YOU LOVE MY WHINE?"
me:  glare from hell peering into husband's big brown eyes.

A- B- C- D- E- F- G- ...
Thank you God for blessing me!