Just one more hour...

are you sleeping, are you sleeping
mommy dear, mommy dear
babies cries are deafening, babies cries are deafening
boo hoo wah
bin ky now

are you cooking, are you cooking
mommy dear, mommy dear
everyone is starving, everyone is starving
chop stir mix
feed your self

are you cleaning, are you cleaning
mommy dear, mommy dear
house is a dirtying, house is a dirtying
dust dirt grime
kiss my a$$

are you writing, are you writing
mommy dear, mommy dear
my life is driveling, my life is driveling
blah blah blah
yak yak yak

are you listening, are you listening
mommy dear, mommy dear
y'all are annoying, y'all are annoying
nag nag gripe
ir ri tate

are you hiding, are you hiding
mommy dear, mommy dear
family time is pending, family time is pending
go a way
far a way

are you imbibing, are you imbibing
mommy dear, mommy dear
i continue drunking, i continue drunking
gulp guzzle gulp
beer wine beer

(sung to "are you sleeping, brother john")

detoxification

I am craving. I am wanting. I am desperate. I am lonely. I am needing. I am wishing. I am hoping. I am desiring. I am detoxing.

Diet coke, people!

It has been six very long hours. Perhaps if I just resort to staying in bed, then the desire will dissipate. Has anyone ever been bed-ridden due to a caffeine-detox?

I admitted myself to the detox house after I found myself rising from a deep sleep at 3:47 am to go and slam an eight ounce Diet Coke (in the dark kitchen, ALONE).

And the day got worse. At 5:56 am, I had my first twelve ounce Diet Coke because I convinced myself that the 3:47 Diet Coke was a "DREAM".

At 10:16 am, I started my list of errands. But before I could REALLY begin, I had to stop at the convenience store for a 32 ounce Diet Coke (because for the next thirty days, the 32 ounce drinks are ONLY 49 cents!). I have a talent for making this large drink last. I took my last sip at 2:37 pm.

At 3:37 pm, I felt as IF I was slipping into a non-caffeinated abyss. I impatiently waited for the craving to fade. I chewed off eight of my ten finger nails. At 5:18 pm, I caved. I opened a twenty ounce bottle of Diet Coke (that I bought at Target on one of my errands -- just in case, but with the sincere thought of drinking it the following day).

By 9:12 pm, I was wired. I ran for an hour on the treadmill. I organized my daughter's birthday photos. I cleaned out the junk drawer (which really isn't a junk drawer because I have OCD). I reorganized the toy box. I mended all the shirts in my pile that had missing buttons. And by 3:33 am, I was finally able to admit that I was tired.

At 6:30 am, a mere three hours later, the children were awake and ready to go for the day. But not ME. I could barely lift one eyelid. I swayed in bed, pondering yesterday's caffeine consumption, when I realized that I have a caffeine hang-over. Total: 72 ounces. That is a hell of a lot of Diet Coke.

If I can make it through today without a single drop of Diet Coke, then I might make it through Detoxification.