Trial Thanksgiving Run

Turkeys are not my "thing" in cooking

They appear to be easy to cook

They appear to be low maintenance

But first, you have to clean out all that shit inside them

You have all seen your mothers do it

They reach inside and pull that crap out

Personally, after being an eyewitness

Thanksgiving Turkey Dinner is RUINED for me

My darling husband loves turkey

And after our First Thanksgiving together

in which I managed to turn into a BBQ

He is now the man in charge of cooking the turkey

On that lovely First Thanksgiving together

I pretended that I already cleaned out the turkey's innards

So I left it in

I couldn't bear to ruin his Thanksgiving too

Well I did anyway

When the fire department sent truck number 26

My mother never told me that innards could cause a fire

A big Fire in old appliances

We remodeled the kitchen during the Christmas holidays!

a laborious life

And you thought it was because I eat healthy!

creativity in the kitchen

So I was feeling a little bit creative this morning at 5 am.  Who else is awake at this hour (besides those of you who reside here)?  I pulled out the ole' pot'o'crock.  It is a perfect rainy, chilly, dreary, gray day to plug in this magical appliance!

I opened up the refrigerator and I threw in a random sample of whatever was within my reach:

carrots
celery
half an onion
chicken breast
potatoes (2)
half a bag of frozen green beans
noodles
lentils
black beans (raw, not from a can)

Then onto the spice cabinet

cumin
ginger
chili powder
minced onion
garlic

Then over to the sink

water poured over the entire contents
enough water to cover everything

Timer set for 8 hours
Pot set on Low

Now... let's see how it turns out... The POT SURPRISE!  And if we don't get some sort of gastrointestinal situation or swine flu -- I will be back to let you know how this turns out.  Don't you just love surprises.  And if this surprise is less than desirable like my new-best-friend then we go to plan B.  FROOT LOOPS.

Assuming is a very bad thing

ESPECIALLY IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST, LUNCH OR DINNER!

I am not much of a cook, let alone a 'short-order' cook. I don't even pretend to be! If you come to our house... you'll probably be served the same thing you had last time. And the time before that. And the time before that.

Please don't ask my children what are their favorite foods... you may be surprised to learn that their favorites include: salmon, shrimp, tofu, spring rolls, edamame (please pronounce it 'ay-dah-mah-may'), tilapia and broccoli.

Shhhh! Now you know my secret (I really do cook) but it is better to pretend I don't - so you won't want to come and visit us!

Just one more hour...

are you sleeping, are you sleeping
mommy dear, mommy dear
babies cries are deafening, babies cries are deafening
boo hoo wah
bin ky now

are you cooking, are you cooking
mommy dear, mommy dear
everyone is starving, everyone is starving
chop stir mix
feed your self

are you cleaning, are you cleaning
mommy dear, mommy dear
house is a dirtying, house is a dirtying
dust dirt grime
kiss my a$$

are you writing, are you writing
mommy dear, mommy dear
my life is driveling, my life is driveling
blah blah blah
yak yak yak

are you listening, are you listening
mommy dear, mommy dear
y'all are annoying, y'all are annoying
nag nag gripe
ir ri tate

are you hiding, are you hiding
mommy dear, mommy dear
family time is pending, family time is pending
go a way
far a way

are you imbibing, are you imbibing
mommy dear, mommy dear
i continue drunking, i continue drunking
gulp guzzle gulp
beer wine beer

(sung to "are you sleeping, brother john")

Sugaritarianism

Allows only the ingestion of ONE food group: FATS - sugary and sweet junk foods for all your daily meals and snacks. All FAT foods are delivered to your plate directly from a prepackaged box! No prep! All eat!

I am contemplating a change in my current dietary habits. Lately, I am having a problem with the process of food preparation and meal consumption.

It begins like this:
Raw Chicken, Beef or Poultry
Trim
Cut into smaller pieces
Cook via baking, grilling, sautéing, broiling, roasting, or boiling
Dinner is served

I cannot eat. I am having an odd aversion to any type of raw meat product.

IF I prepare it, I cannot eat it. IF I do NOT prepare it, I can eat it. Why?

Does ANYONE have this issue?

This is not new for me. It has occasionally occurred over the last twenty years. And it has been occurring more frequently in the past five years. The nausea symptoms are progressing with every meal cooked. I gag. I pass. I avoid.

Do I need therapy for this raw meat aversion?

Luckily, my husband prepares the weekly salmon meal. Thankfully, my husband prepares the yearly turkey meals at Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. The cleaning of the turkey is another blog for another time!

Maybe I need to explore vegetarianism options. But all I can happen upon is Sugaritarianism!

Eating Disorder at Eleven Months

Happy Eleven Months, Petra!

Your first eleven months have been extremely eventful. After all your laying around for the first four months, you have definitely made up for that idle time during the last seven months.

I am out of breath. I am tired. I am amused. I am confused. I am completely gray!

You have eaten the good stuff... ice cream, cookies, cake, chocolate... along with peas, corn, salmon, tilapia, chicken, carrots, potatoes (any form of spud). Your taste buds are delicate and you have tasted gourmet cuisine. (We even love watching Rachel Ray's mouth-watering creations together.)

So, my question to you, "why do I catch you shoveling handfuls of dirt, cat food and cat litter into your mouth?". You actually savor the taste. You are a daily food connoisseur of trash. I ask you, "how can ice cream possibly compare to dirt?" It is clearly not the same. It cannot even be in a similar delicacy category.

You eat plants, leaves, and sticks. You put every "floor morsel" you find into your mouth. I have pried balls, dolls, letters, plastics, pencils, paper, toilet paper, tissues, napkins, and cat toys from the insides of your cheeks.

Today, I found you fighting over a dead fly with your cat, Winter. Luckily, the cat won!

Tonight, Daddy wanted to know why you were making a funny sounding hiccup. I told him not to worry it was just the gallon of soapy bath water you ingested. Eventually, your suds-cups will cease.

I have witnessed your dislike of guacamole, waffles, pancakes, and broccoli -- it is spewed all over the floor. (We really need a dog for moments like this!) If you can toss delicious syrup-coated pancakes onto the floor, then you should be able to spit out the cat litter, too. How can cat litter taste better than waffles? I wish you had an explanation for me.

I recently paraded you in public donned in a newly purchased adorable smocked Anavini dress. Your cheeks and clothing were peppered with black spots. And, no, you had not been indulging in OREOS. An intruding fellow-shopper informed me how she put her dog bowls out of reach from her toddler. I smiled and announced that I don't even bother moving Petra away from the cat bowls any more ... my cats are happy, how unhealthy could those little kernels be anyhow?

Meanwhile I secretly pray and hope this peculiar eating disorder dissipates at some time during your second year. So, for a limited time only, I will accept your choice of desired food items - if you can accept my squandering your college fund on therapy for me.