wacky wednesday waffs

wacky wednesday waffs

Go and get yourself a bottle of wine.  Hurry, it is exactly:  1-11-11 at 1:11 a.m.

And open a second bottle of wine on 1-11-11 at 1:11 p.m.

{Pause "Days of Our Lives" and ... oh, wait a minute!  I realized it was the wrong year AFTER the second bottle of wine.  At least, I didn't remember before the first bottle was tapped.}

HaPpY fErMeNtInG dAy!

8 day countdown...

GAME: FIND THE HIDDEN PURPLE SPRINKLE!

... To the first day of school. Our summer is almost officially over. Finished. Ceased. Ended. Never mind that the thermometer still registers over 100 degrees F. And the students will be covered in a slick film of sweat by the time they walk 50 yards to the front school door. Summer 2009 is complete.

Luckily, my children are just beginning to feel the word "boredom". We are creating new games and activities. Hopefully, these creative strategies will occupy most of their afternoon. Or at least 10 minutes of it. Long enough for me to go stand in my closet and guzzle a silver bullet. AND For all you mommies; this one lasted long enough for me to drink 3/4 bottle of red wine!

Swallowed up by Sir Meanness

Victoria's school principal is retiring next week after a bazillion years of duty. And for ninety-five percent of those years, principal has been a Crank.

Victoria's classroom was instructed to make a Retirement card for said principal. The teacher wrote the exact wording on the chalkboard so that each student would copy the words verbatim yet add their own personalization in the form of "art work".

After school, Victoria told me all about the card and what she had to write (she still hasn't told me about the threat Crank recently issued).

God Bless You, Ms. Z, as you retire. I hope you have a nice time. From, Victoria

"But, Mom, I didn't really want to make that card for Ms. Z. I don't hope she has a nice time."

"I know, Victoria, but thank you for following the teacher's directions. And let's try and say nice things for the rest of the day because I think we're running out of daily allotted good luck. We might get in a car accident for saying those things. Or we might trip and fall and get a bruise the size of Montana. Or we might..."

Victoria interrupted, "Well, (I shudder) I also made another card. You know how we're always making up pretend stories?"

She continued on. "My other card was a funny."

I didn't know if there were humorous retirement cards available for purchase. I could only recall kind, considerate, or the best wishes type.

God Bless You, Ms. Crank d'Z. Thank you for being the grump of the school. I am going to miss your meanie face. Have fun at home and don't forget to smile at your pets or you might scare them and then they will run away. From, nobody

"Oooh," was all I could mutter. I think I have a migraine. I want to laugh. But that is not appropriate. I cannot condone meanness. Although it is tempting.

"Remember that funny card that Miechelle sent you for your birthday? It was a funny with the word I am not suppose to use, ya' know, the b-word. I didn't show my funny card to my teacher. I just slipped it in the pile for a surprise. I think Ms. Z needs a laugh!" Surprise, indeed!

I drove the speed limit or less all the way home. I didn't want to get stopped by a police officer for any type of incident. I didn't want to get into a car accident, either. Our daily allotment of good luck has officially been depleted, our niceness had been swallowed up by Sir Meanness.

Three houses to go -- until we are safely in our garage.

Then I looked to my right and saw a terrible teenager sight,

as three moons greeted us with delight,

It's wine straight from the bottle for dinner tonight.

Mommy's Day

"Happy Mommy Day"
(sung to the tune of "Mary Had A Little Lamb")

Mommy had a little wine,

a little beer,

with a lime,

a margarita

and more tequila,

some jello shots

and for lunch - sangria,

a lotta rum,

gin and crap.

And that's why mommy

takes a nap!


written by melissa (for melissa)