Eight more weeks

There are only eight more weeks of school for the 2010-2011 school year. 

The days are long but the years are short. 

I am not sure where the entire school year went.  All I know is that I have been in a fog since my little "little" was born on the first day of school. 

The year has gone something like this:

Lost uniform jumper.  Not sure how that happened nor am I sure why it was removed in public??

Ruined uniform sweater.  One thread unraveled into a ball of yarn.

Lost shoes.  In the home or outside of the home?  That is the question.  And how?

Forgotten lunches.  Actually they were never made.

Eaten homework.  This is accurate.  Baby likes paper.  So do cats.

Tardiness.  The keys were missing.  Among other lame excuses.

Laundry.  In a lot of little piles all over the house.  

Clean laundry.  In a lot of little piles all over the house -- may be confused with the dirty piles?!

Meals.  Pretending to have "backwards days" so that we can have 'Cheerios' for dinner (sans guilt).

Chaos.  Always.

Broken things.  Frequently.

Smiles.  Always.

Laughter.  Priceless. 

The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the SIXTH day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

SIX BOTTLES OF WINE
Five carats gem

Four suggestions

Three pixies

Two chocolates

And a holiday memory

The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the THIRD day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ...

THREE PIXIES

Two Chocolates

And a holiday memory

* a.k.a. parent goggles

recaps of the last six weeks

3.  the big brown truck

I received the oddest phone call from the automobile dealer where we purchased one of our vehicles.  Since this happens to be the vehicle I drive most often, I did NOT hang up on this caller.  I actually listened to the caller's shtick.

The dealership has a small supply of preowned vehicles available for purchase.  They are looking for excellent used vehicles to build-up their inventory and lot.  I am proud to announce that I fit into that category!  The dealer wants my vehicle for a trade-in.  I have no accidents on my VIN number.  I have low mileage.  I have a clean vehicle.  I have proven maintenance records.  Wow!  I feel ... very maternal ... toward a piece of sheet metal that emerged from a factory. 

Until...

The great big brown truck slammed into my car-ass. 

To ice the cake, we all love a "man in uniform" but too bad for me the brown-uniformed driver was a "she"!

Now who wants my vehicle?

nesting neuroses

Once upon a time, girl meets boy

boy falls in love and proclaims "the one"

so girl falls in love and claims "this is it"

Girl and Boy get married

Buy an old historic home to renovate

and test their "love" during demolition and restoration

Boy wonders where "his space" is placed

Girl informs said boy that he has "a drawer"

And luckily for said boy and small drawers,

said boy gets "two"

side by side

also known as:

The JUNK drawers

Occasionally, girl enters boy space and cleans out the JUNK

The Snooze Button

I am queen of the snooze button on my fourteen year old clock-radio combo.  Remember those?  Actually, I set three different morning alarms:  5:46am; 6:11am; 6:27am.  And then I quickly slap the snooze button.  Or the sleep button, as it may be called.  The button that lets you continue sleeping for exactly seven more minutes. 

Except for this morning:

I woke up to a mysteriously new radio station.  I am not sure who was playing with the dials, but I am glad they did.

I woke up and I thought I was 21 years old -- all over again.  I have this whole Saturday ahead of me... with no concrete plans... just ME... just 24 hours of no lists, no schedules, no appointments, no work, no classes... just ME. 

I reached over with one hand and instead of slamming the snooze button, I rotated the volume button: UP HIGH!

I jumped out of bed.  Shocked by my flannel pajama donned appearance and baggy sweatshirt.  Not quite what a 21 year old would wear.  But I did jump up and start dancing.  The kind of dancing from the "dance club" stage.  I danced around the room (avoiding mirrors) and danced my way into the shower.  I sang at the top of my lungs.  I sached across the tiled floor and ...

... collided with a strange man holding two children. 

(They are claiming to be my astonished looking husband and equally shocked sleepy-eyed daughters.) 

ARGHHH!

I'm NOT 21!  I'm NOT alone!  I'm NOT irresponsible!  I'm NOT underscheduled!  It's NOT even SATURDAY! 

Yet, the music continued...

When I'm walkin' I strut my stuff, man I'm so strung out

I'm high as a kite I just might stop to check you out

Let me go on like I blister in the sun

Let me go on big hands I know you're the one

Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femmes

open houses

My husband and I loaded up the car with two point five children, three bags, one snack bag, three DVDs, and three blankets.  We went to a few open houses.  We are collecting new house ideas for the house we build (someday). 

The first house we visited was the dream house ... on paper.  It was built using ICF (insulated concrete forms) which I must say is AWESOME.  IF you ever build a house, spend 5% more and use ICF!  Your 3000 square foot home can be heated for $100 (instead of $375).   The owners had knocked out a wall and added a sun room.  And inside the sun room, the owners put a 'hot tub'.  I am so NOT kidding.  It was like having a huge bathtub inside your living room.  And since the owners had knocked out a wall, that was like putting a HUGE hole in concrete.  The home was inefficient.  And the electric bills were over $300 monthly.  Moral of Story:  DON'T PUT A HOLE IN YOUR ICF WALLS.  LOSER!!!  Oh, and by the way, house number one was GHASTLY! 

The second house was a dream house ... in Billy Ray Redneck's dreams!  It was hard to see the carpentry work behind all of the trophy heads taking up every square inch of wall space.  I am sure the arts and crafts era trim was beautiful but I could not take my eyes off of the floor.  If I dared to look up I was sure to meet an elk, moose, grouse, dove, deer, antelope, emu, raccoon, squirrel, big fish, ostrich, fox, coyote, hyena, or jackalope in the eyes.  And the wood plank floors were quite nice! 

The third house was a dream house ... in New York City's upper east trendy loft district.  Minimalist.  There wasn't a thing in the house.  Literally.  No cabinets in the kitchen.  No trim.  No woodwork.  No ironwork.  No closets.  Barely a door in sight.  No light switches.  No doorbell.  Nothing.  Very odd. 

The fourth house was a dream house ... in Texas, of course.  The Floors were all Concrete.  Just concrete.  Do they do this anywhere else in the USA?  The builders pour a slab of concrete.  And that is it.  That concrete becomes your floor.  Your floor is just the slab.  I am having a difficult time wrapping my brain around schlepping my feet all over a slab.  I feel like this house is naked and incomplete.  Although a central vacuum system would probably work excellent!  So this slab can be stained.  The most popular color for staining concrete:  "COCA-COLA".  Yup, Coke.  Not even "DR. PEPPER".  Nor "MOUNTAIN DEW" (but then again who wants to schlepp over piss-yellow floors?)  Is using your slab for flooring a way to save money?  I guess it cuts down on carpeting, hardwoods, and tiling.  Besides slabs crack in Texas, so why bother with other flooring.  Add flooring after your slab settles and cracks. 

We finally returned home... completely depleted of excitement over picking out interior features for our future build.  Completely and totally depressed.  Picking a house is kind of like picking a mate... it takes a lot of time.  And the house (like the mate) must be perfect ... for you ... just not perfect for everybody else!

14 day update

Only 341 days to go!

Every time I get an urge to "run" to the store, I have decided to take a walk.  The walk lasts until the urge passes.  The urges are becoming less frequent.  After all it has been 14 days.  And it takes 1 to 2 weeks to retrain yourself when overcoming bad habits.

Today, only 8 urges... so far!

8:00 AM      take a walk
8:25 AM      return home
                    use the bathroom
                    grab some more water
8:29 AM      take a walk
8:44 AM      return home
                    make/eat breakfast
9:03 AM      take a walk
9:27 AM      return home
                    watch Rachel Ray
10:01 AM    take a walk
10:42 AM    return home
                    clean home
                    prepare/eat lunch
11:09 AM    take a walk
11:37 AM    return home
                    children to nap
                    listen to TV
                    clean out two closets
                    call "L"
                    clean oven
                    children still napping
                    cannot shop online - avoid computer
                    clean out junk drawers around the house
                    children finally awake
1:48 PM       take a walk
2:25 PM       return home
                    drive to school to pick up older children
                     return home - with NO stops
3:23 PM       take a walk
3:59 PM       return home
                    thinking about holiday sales
4:25 PM      take a walk
5:30 PM      return home
                   prepare/eat dinner
6:45 PM     reading/homework/sharing and BED
                   I am exhausted.

PS  tomorrow, I will wear a pedometer!
PPS  I walked for 243 minutes
PPPS  doesn't that equal like 16 miles if you're walking approximately 4MPH?
PPPPS  the good news is that I did not venture to one store today.  Or for the past two weeks other than groceries = necessities.

Commiserate or Celebrate?

It's the first day of school and my conscience said to me, "don't call the principal!"

It's the first day of school and my mind reminded me, "don't start complaining!"

It's the first day of school and my brain quoted me, "they're not all dumbasses!"

It's the first day of school and my cerebrum called to me, "you're paying a lot of tuition!"

It's the first day of school and my noodle bamboozled me, "three martinis waiting!"

It's the first day of school and my cranium challenged me, "children are adaptable!"

It's the first day of school and my heart cried to me, "they are growing up!"

Happy First Day of School to All and to All a Grand School Year 2009-2010!

8 day countdown...

GAME: FIND THE HIDDEN PURPLE SPRINKLE!

... To the first day of school. Our summer is almost officially over. Finished. Ceased. Ended. Never mind that the thermometer still registers over 100 degrees F. And the students will be covered in a slick film of sweat by the time they walk 50 yards to the front school door. Summer 2009 is complete.

Luckily, my children are just beginning to feel the word "boredom". We are creating new games and activities. Hopefully, these creative strategies will occupy most of their afternoon. Or at least 10 minutes of it. Long enough for me to go stand in my closet and guzzle a silver bullet. AND For all you mommies; this one lasted long enough for me to drink 3/4 bottle of red wine!

Have I mentioned...

that we are building a home? Someday? Near future? Maybe? Ten years max? Who the heck knows? And who cares (you're thinking)?

The hold up: we cannot finalize decisions together. Hell, we cannot even agree on the most mundane issues when it comes to the house. Husband starts droning on about the number of windows, their energy rating, low-e and their placement. I counteroffer a suggestion of slate flooring. Husband rolls his eyes and demands to know (1.) IF I am serious; we're discussing windows! and (2.) What does flooring have to do with windows? Well, duh, flooring is kind of important... as is the size and style of the new refrigerator.

I swear, IF we can pull this off without a divorce, I will quit drinking (I promise!).

He rarely changes his mind. And, me, I change my mind by the hour. On a whim. On a fancy.

One or two staircases?
four or five car garage?
three or four or five bedrooms?
two or no bathrooms? (I DESPISE cleaning toilets! Can't we just go down the street to the gas station?)
third story?
stucco or brick?

ICF or bust? Only ICF (Insulated concrete forms... the perfect solution to going green and having a 5000 square foot home heated and cooled for under $100/month!)

Today we met with our 'very patient' architect. He likes me. He gets my humor. He gets my ideas. Yes, I want a slide from the 3rd floor to the outside patio into a pit of sand. AND if that deems impossible, inefficient, impractical, or expensive... then I'll agree to the firestation pole and I'll be happy. Except sliding down into the game room doesn't sound like too much fun!

After three long, debilitating hours with the 'perfect' architect - I smiled with satisfaction as he reworked our plans for the ninth time this summer. And he even added the elevator I insisted I might need in old age. After all, I am of 'maternally advanced' age.

"I HOPE YOU AND THE ARCHITECT WILL BE VERY HAPPY WITH 'OUR' HOUSE!" declares 'out-numbered/out-voted' husband.

the definition of Choice

1. The act of choosing; selection.
2. The power, right, or liberty to choose; option.
3. A number or variety from which to choose: a wide choice of styles and colors.
4. The best or most preferable part.
5. An alternative

"I'm hungry!" echoes through the house on a consistent basis, like every twelve minutes.

"OK, we'll have lunch early," I give in. Who cares if it is only 10:17 am?

"What do you want?" I ask.

"I dunno," responds Child A. "What can I have?"

A lot of things come to mind... 'Cheerios', 'Popcorn', 'Snacksize Bag of Lays', 'Fruit Rollup'... but I have to consider nutritional value and the fact those items do not reside in my cabinet (really). Child A did not know what "junk food" was til I shipped her off to school. She came home inquiring about 'Pop-Tarts', 'Lunchables', 'Rice Krispy Treats', 'Chicken Nuggets', etc. And I properly reminded her that those snacks ONLY exist at school. Just like "CHUCK E. CHEESE" and "McDONALDS" -- they are ONLY a place to have a BIRTHDAY PARTY. It does NOT exist unless you attend or host a birthday party. HOW CLEVER! (I thought of that one all on my own!)

"Salmon or Taco-bake?" I offer as two choices.

"Well, yeah, BUT I don't think I really like any of those choices today!" Child A debates. "How about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

Now that I can do... "Good Choice!" I congratulate Child A.

Small Farm Animals in Question

Dear HOA,

We would like to inquire about the small farm animal policy per HOA [home owner's association]guidelines.

How many chickens equal a small farm animal?

Sincerely,

Melissa
Lot #9


Response:

Dear Melissa,

We at the HOA regret to inform you that we are a very busy volunteer group and do not have sufficient time for questions/riddles. This may come as a shock to you, but we do have full-time employment and the HOA is in addition to our regular life duties. Please contact us when you have a legitimate question/concern.

Sincerely,

HOA
of _____________.


Response:

Dear HOA,

I am sorry if I appeared to be mocking your duties. But, I seriously would like to know "how many chickens equal a small farm animal?". I am not ridiculing with the old "how many chickens does it take to ....?"

My daughter, Victoria, has been trying to decide which small farm animal she would like to have on our lot #9. And recently, she decided that she would like to house chickens. So, according to policy, can we have ONE chicken only? Or can we have a couple of chickens? Victoria is flowing with empathy. She feels that only ONE chicken will become lonely. She would like the chicken to have a sibling. And possibly some 'eggs'.

So, once again, how many chickens equal a small farm animal?

Thank you,

Melissa
Lot #9


Response:

Dear Melissa,

Please have your husband contact us at his earliest convenience!

Sincerely,

HOA
of __________