wacky wednesday waffs

To honor and cherish the upcoming holiday:

wacky wednesday waffs

Dear Readers,

There was a Mommy who got knocked up and

SOBER she became-oh

*S*O*B*E*R*

*S*O*B*E*R*

*S*O*B*E*R*

and *L*A*M*E*-oh was her name-oh!

Is it merely a coincidence, or is it irony, that SOBER contains the acronym S.O.B.? 

For example, "S.O.B.-er, I forgot where I placed my wine glass?"

Dear Readers,

{aka Dear Mom and Dad,}

I apologize for my recent hormonal/emotional/thoughtful/insightful/nice blogs.  It is so "CHICKEN SOUPY FOR THE SAPPY".  It is so unlike me.  It is so unmedicated.  I believe it is menopausal and I see my life flashing before my eyes.  I never dreamed I would be "middle-aged". 

I am totally mellowing out with age. 

And I can prove it:  Daughter #1 arrived into toddler-hood with her first word being SHIT.  It is documented in her babybook as "sit".  "Your first word, 'sit'.  You loved giving commands to your dog, Fluffy."  {now, only IF we had a dog!} 

Daughter #2 arrived into toddler-hood with her first word being BUBBLES.  And it is documented in her babybook accurately as "bubbles".  {now, we will just believe that it was for her love of taking bubble baths or blowing bubbles outside.  However, I believe it had to do with the hops and ale carbonation that she found so appealing in bottles, cans and glasses throughout her days.}

We will anxiously await Daughter #3's first word!

When I lost the use of my two fingers, I was asked to write a meaningful story to be published in "Chicken Soup for the Soul" ... only two bad for me, losing two fingers did not push me over the edge into sentimental sap-ville.  The editors changed my story.  The editors changed my life. 

Just being pregnant pushes me over into craps-ville.  Hmmm... Is there a "Chicken Soup for the Hormonal Soul"??

Love,

~ m

Waiting for Oprah to call!

SIX MORE days till the First Day of School! SIX more days till the First Day of DETOX!

It IS Summer

Hair TODAY. THONG Tomorrow.

I am off to a 'laser' appointment with promises of 'thongs and going commando' in my future. (As if I have ever needed a reason.)

Better than waxing.
Better than ignoring.
Better than shaving.
Better than electrolysis.
Better than denying.
Better than tweezing.
Better than shearing.
Better than granny pantying.
Better than alcohol. Probably not.
Better than chocolate. Doubt it.

Chocolate, alcohol and thongs. NOW, that's GOOD!

Fly the Sober Skies

American, Delta, United, Northwest (which is now considered Delta), and Continental ... All airlines who claim to fly the friendly skies.

The post 9-11 craze and subsequent economic crisis has caused the airlines to cut costs. Cut the meals and snacks. Cut the travel opportunities. Cut the award miles. Cut the award redemption program. Cut the peanuts. Cut the quantity of flights from DFW to LA (two per day instead of the hourly departure).

BUT DO NOT CUT THE ALCOHOL!

Take out the friendly and we fly the bitter-blue skies.

Business and First Class continue to imbibe in the skies. But what about the rest of us stuck in "Third Class"?

And thank you airlines for calling our class "COACH"!

Yes, we know we have to pay $7.00 to imbibe on the high. But remember, we are in THIRD Class. If we could afford FIRST or SECOND (business), then we would be sitting in the FREE alcohol seats. If we are in THIRD, then it is safe to say that $7.00 beers are a luxury. (That equals seven beers during happy hour at Reno's. Slugging seven in an hour is definitely a luxury and a talent.)

But what about Mommies?

Mommies (with children in tow) should be greeted with a beer at check-in. A glass of wine at the gate. Another beer once seated. And another glass of wine upon take-off.

Happy Mommies make Happy Babies!

Yes, mommies should be exempt from this alcohol rule! Mommies should imbibe to survive!