speaking in tongues.

I just have to post these photos because they make me laugh.  I hope they make you laugh too.  Because it is Monday, and on Mondays, everyone needs a laugh or three.  by the way, the following photos are all real and completely untouched.  how is that for nature!!

Happy Everything Kind of Day!  Happy Monday! Happy July 25th! 

Lost.

I truly do not know what today is... until I post.  It gives me the day and time.  And for that, I am thankful. The only downside to that is when posting at night... because soon the day and time will be null and void.   I tend to lose track of time.  Perhaps, a therapist would have a name for this type of loss.  And I know it is not Alzheimers.  Is it? 

I do have an explanation for not knowing the date/time:  My favorite watch died a while back -- maybe a couple of years, maybe several months.  It had not left my wrist for twelve years or so and I haven't replaced it.  Because it is un-replaceable.

I suppose my sentimentality over a watch can be a good thing.

 Watch, sunglasses, house, children, husband.  My attachment is a good thing.  All mentioned attachments are irreplaceable.

Gotcha!  I correctly used irreplaceable... see, I do know how.   But I like to make up words (see all previous posts) yet there is one thing I have learned from having a child in elementary school:  According to certified teachers in the education system, "Using made up words is not a sign of creativity... it is a sign of 'who let you pass to the next grade?'"  But I am standing up to defend the CREATIVITY!!  And I would like to know who decided that unreplaceable is not a word?  And for that matter, why did he or she get to make that decision?  Why ir- instead of un-?   And what qualifications gave that decision maker the ultimate last say? 

Because in 1911, doctors and dentists did not have real degrees.  They just took a few classes and became titled with the moniker "doctor".   Perhaps, that is why middle-age was considered 25?!   So I would like to be an RE.  Why do I have to go to school for approximately 10 more years? 

So it is summer.  And it is hot. 
Don't you get tired of all the weather and food updates from random people?  Well, hot is hot.  And since it is summer in the northern hemisphere... most days are hot for everyone.
And food.  Really it is just food.  And taste is just an opinion.  

What I have learned this summer:

1.  Baby Powder.  Rub baby powder in your hair to rid your roots of shine (especially on these hot and humid days).  However, if your hair is dark (any hue containing brown) -- then do not try this at home.  Your hair will look funny!!

2.  Pool time is never long enough.  Whether it is 30 minutes or three hours.  It is never long enough.

3.  Your child will be bored at some point.  Hopefully, just not every day. 

4.  All the city parks close at 10:00am due to heat advisory and bad air.  (Trust me, this one is true!!  Well, in our house anyway!)

5.  SPF 50 every thirty minutes.

6.  All city activities resume after 7:00pm due to record high heat.  (Again, this is true in our house!)  

7.  Summers are too short. 

Happy Dog Days of Summer, Everyone!!

a summer fix

SISTERS

A day spent in the sun with old-fashioned fun;  the "slip-n-slide".  Slurping colorful popcicles before they melt into a puddle of rainbow colors.   Sticky hands rinsing away under a green hose.  Laughter echoing in the yard.  Smiles as wide as a dualie. 

(and yes, I have lived in the south for a long time... and I just learned the definition of a dualie.  in fact, I believe I just saw my first one!  never even noticed them before!  dualies seem to be everywhere.)

A great read for sisters:  "Sisters" by David McPhail

PS please follow the enclosed directions and pick up the slip-n-slide when the water is turned off... or else your hubby will come home to a 16 FOOT BURNT PIECE OF GRASS.  BROWN as DEAD.  DEAD as a Doornail.  And the laughter will all be a distant memory!!

It's Raining!

Leave those umbrellas at home.

The humidity is rising.

The temperatures are getting high.

It's raining BEACHBALLS, Hallelujah!

It's raining BEACHBALLS!

We are going to go outside and get ourselves soaking wet.

We pumped up enough beachballs to last all summer long.

Our pool resembles a Jimmy Buffett concert in Margaritaville!

The colorful beachballs are just what this neighborhood needs.

Along with Patriotic flags donning the sidewalk from Memorial Day to the 4th of July.

Happy First Day of Summer to All! 

twinkle twinkle

There are little fireflies that light up our front yard every night.

We spray ourselves with 'OFF',

The girls grab the nets,

And an empty jar with holes in the lid.

We stand watch on the front porch,

waiting to spot the first firefly near the oak trees.

Firefly Light

Firefly Bright

The first Firefly I see tonight

I wish I may, I wish I might

Have the wish, I wish tonight

We catch fireflies and place them in our jar.

The release of the fireflies occurs in the backyard,

so that our yard becomes full of twinkling lights.

The release of fireflies is like watching 'fireworks'.

The fireflies fly up into the night sky,

releasing their TWINKLE.

We make our wishes!

We hope your firefly wishes come true, too!

wee tennis

Feeling overly confident and athletic since my LASIK surgery ...

surely, I have the BEST eye-to-hand coordination NOW.

LASIK not only fixed my eyesight, it fixed my ability to play TENNIS. 

I went to the club and signed up for TENNIS LESSONS. 

Lessons before ambitious Team.

Team of attractive, tanned, leg-toned, club women.

After registration, I quickly drove to the "athletic boutique",

which specializes in outfitting the "perfect" tennis player.

I walked out with some very cute tennis skirts.

FIRST LESSON:  I suck.

And the coach was extremely patient.

SECOND LESSON:  I still suck.

And the coach was helpful but awed.

THIRD LESSON:  I really suck.

And the coach offered to refund my "tuition" IF I never returned.

FOURTH LESSON:  I really really suck.

I picked up my refund.

And I now JUST wear the tennis outfits. 

Keep the racket in my car.

And use the tennis balls as STOP indicators in the garage.

THEN...

Wii Tennis came into my life.

I don my tennis outfits.

I attempt to play tennis with my Wii remote.

I COMPLETELY SUCK AT TENNIS.

EVEN Wii TENNIS.

I CANNOT EVEN MANAGE TO GET BEYOND - 

SERVE !

After each attempted Wii Tennis Game,

I receive the "polite, or not so polite"

YOU LOSE

School's out, school's out

It has been one day, and one day only...

Q:  Why is it that teachers are the only people NOT ready for September?

Our summer vacation officially begins.  The classes have ceased.  The classrooms are emptied.  The school doors are locked, I'm sure.  The school has a "one-way" door policy option at this point. 

School is OUT.

The entire school year has come to an end.  I must remember (hourly):  "The days may sometimes be LONG, but the years are SHORT".

What are we going to do for approximately 90 days?

Do you realize how messy my house is going to be?

Do you realize I cannot imbibe at this time?

How many summer camps can I register the children for?

OK, OK, It is NOT OK ... to wish away the days, which turn into weeks, which become months, which become years and that only adds another bloody candle to the cake and soon the bloody smoke alarm will ring.

It is going to be a great summer!  It is going to be a great summer!  Ahhhhh!

Just hot air ...

Eggs for breakfast, anyone?

It's 6:19 am and it is 81 degrees! It's 8:17 am and it is 89 degrees! It's 10:46 am and it is 96 degrees!

100 degrees and the temperature is climbing...

103 degrees and the temperature has stabilized...

This is not even including the heat index. Screw the heat index. What do we need a friggin' heat index at 103 for?

So, join us gathered 'round the cement pond for some fried eggs! We are doing an experiment and hopefully, we'll get breakfast out of the deal!

The rest of the day will be spent in a horizontal NAKED position, unmoving, afraid to stir up any hot air. (Yes, there is a/c in Texas but at 103 plus the heat index does it really help when you have to move around? And I'll put my clothes on IF anyone dares to come over!)

It IS Summer

Hair TODAY. THONG Tomorrow.

I am off to a 'laser' appointment with promises of 'thongs and going commando' in my future. (As if I have ever needed a reason.)

Better than waxing.
Better than ignoring.
Better than shaving.
Better than electrolysis.
Better than denying.
Better than tweezing.
Better than shearing.
Better than granny pantying.
Better than alcohol. Probably not.
Better than chocolate. Doubt it.

Chocolate, alcohol and thongs. NOW, that's GOOD!

400 Channels to Boot

Recently, as in five days or 120 hours ago, I finally entered the world of cyberspace. I have high speed Internet. I believe I may have been the last one in my city to upgrade to this fast world of 'anything at my fingertip' universe.

Within the past three months, my modem hiccuped during an electrical storm and blew. Twice! I was cruising up to the library to use their computers to check email. Well, it would take me the entire reserved fifteen minutes to DELETE all my junk mail. In a month, I received 572 junk emails and only eighteen real emails from real people. My LIFE has got to change.

I would receive fliers in the mail advertising their high speed Internet services. But all this did was confuse me and keep me from making a decision. I have been planning on upgrading to DSL or Fiber Optics or something other than dial-up for about five years now.

Consumer Reports does NOT cover this problem for me!!!

So, after the last blown modem... I made a decision. I called company #1 and hung-up more confused than before.

I called company #2 and decided that their prices were clearly from another planet (I just want to connect and view an email without having to log-on at 5:00am to view a photo that a friend sent).

Finally, company #3 helped convince me that they indeed had just the 'speed' I needed. AND, this is a big AND, they had a FREE month of TV.

Flashback: we bought our first TV two and a half years ago. It is a real regular TV. Not too big, not too small. Not even a plasma TV. Just a TV box with a flat screen. On a good day, we get five channels: Fox, NBC, ABC, CBS and PBS. Sometimes, we get them all at the same time if the wind is blowing in the right direction. And sometimes, we get just two channels.

I decided to go with company #3. The tech came out to our house and installed the computer and TV line. We opted for the most expensive package since it was FREE. We have 400 or more channels. I can watch anything at anytime.

I have had my ass glued to the couch for 120 hours. I eat, sleep, direct and delegate from the far right side of the couch. If I have to take a 'potty' break, I can pause my TV and not miss a thing. This is amazing. I had no idea that this type of TV service existed. Yes, I guess I do live under a rock. In fact, I think I have gained seven pounds in these five days. My widening couch potato ass is justified because of the 'hotter 'n' hell' sun that is torching outside.

I haven't quite got this whole remote thing figured out yet. It will probably take the entire thirty days to do that. Hell, I haven't even figured out the original TV remote that accompanies the TV or the DVD/VCR machine or the Camcorder or my cellphone or the DVD in my car or the headphones or the options for driver one (since I am going to be completely honest when it comes to my lack of technology)... I haven't taken the time to figure any of it out.

In 120 hours, I have watched chick movies: "The Holiday", "Nurse Betty", "Home for the Holidays", "Because I said So", "Home Alone 2", "Incredibles", "Scooby Doo2", "Legally Blond", and "Must Love Dogs". I have watched the SOAP channel -- to catch up on twenty years of missed soap opportunity. I have watched cooking shows just to learn how to pronounce some newly popularized food items.

I have 25 more days to discover more channels.

I have only 25 more days to completely and thoroughly ROT my brain.

I will explore the Internet when my TV opportunity expires! Right now I have to go and watch the highly advertised Oxygen channel. The one I have read about in O Magazine.