Fort Worth Serengeti

I keep checking the endless plains that lay beyond my back window. I keep hoping to see a wildebeest or zebra wander into view and drink from the pool...

But all I see are creatures that don't belong anywhere except my backyard, of course.

(photos by melissa, above: at fossil rim (animal park), below: backyard)

Small Farm Animals in Question

Dear HOA,

We would like to inquire about the small farm animal policy per HOA [home owner's association]guidelines.

How many chickens equal a small farm animal?

Sincerely,

Melissa
Lot #9


Response:

Dear Melissa,

We at the HOA regret to inform you that we are a very busy volunteer group and do not have sufficient time for questions/riddles. This may come as a shock to you, but we do have full-time employment and the HOA is in addition to our regular life duties. Please contact us when you have a legitimate question/concern.

Sincerely,

HOA
of _____________.


Response:

Dear HOA,

I am sorry if I appeared to be mocking your duties. But, I seriously would like to know "how many chickens equal a small farm animal?". I am not ridiculing with the old "how many chickens does it take to ....?"

My daughter, Victoria, has been trying to decide which small farm animal she would like to have on our lot #9. And recently, she decided that she would like to house chickens. So, according to policy, can we have ONE chicken only? Or can we have a couple of chickens? Victoria is flowing with empathy. She feels that only ONE chicken will become lonely. She would like the chicken to have a sibling. And possibly some 'eggs'.

So, once again, how many chickens equal a small farm animal?

Thank you,

Melissa
Lot #9


Response:

Dear Melissa,

Please have your husband contact us at his earliest convenience!

Sincerely,

HOA
of __________

It's A Jungle Out Here!

First Birthday: Jungle Party Theme.

* Jungle invitations
* Monkey envelope stickers
* Jungle thank you notes
* A variety of animal print helium-filled balloons
* Giant monkey mylar balloon
* Zebra-striped table linens
* Monkey favor bags tied with zebra print ribbon
* Zebra whistles
* Elephant bubbles
* Giraffe inflatable balls
* Lion masks
* Elephant, monkey, giraffe, lion lollipops
* Lion shaped gummies
* Assorted jungle animal plates and napkins
* Monkey sippy cups

Favorite cake lady (of six years) has been commissioned to create the cake. Must give every detail to cake lady -- must be very specific. No detail left uncovered. Or you may be in for a surprise!

"One large JUNGLE cake, please!" I order. I offer a Jungle invitation as an example. The invitation is accepted and noted.

"Jungle?" asks surprised cake lady. "Not a princess, or a ONE, or bears, or Hello Kitty party?"

"Yes, a jungle with monkeys, zebras, elephants, giraffes, vines, trees. Perhaps, a toucan. But definitely a JUNGLE!"

"OK!" disgruntled cake lady agrees with a huge sigh. (I suppose we have differing opinions on what a little girl's first birthday party should be!) "Cake will be ready for pick-up at 10:00 am."
1. Pick up cake. Look at cake. Thumbs up. It looks great. Pay for cake. In a big hurry. Brows furrow. Mind is churning.

2. Drive to party destination. It is at a park ... somewhat similar to a jungle setting, just add lots of monkey children!

3. Set up party. Place cake on table. Remove cake from box. Admire. Study. Admire. Question. Admire. Utterly Confused!

The JUNGLE cake looks great, nicely decorated and smells of intoxicating delicious sugar.

But, tell me, WHAT JUNGLE on this PLANET HAS PONIES ???

Cake Lady has placed little plastic ponies all over my jungle. Like a farm. Cute... elephant, pony, monkey, pony, zebra, pony, pony, toucan, pony. UGH! I should have ordered the Princess cake!

One Cow Please!

We’re building a home (some day, like in 2019) on a two-acre lot in a small city, thirteen miles southwest of Fort Worth’s city limit.

I’m not even sure it is really considered a city. Perhaps, a town? A village? A municipal? Colony? Commune? Hamlet?

Population 726.

When my family moves there (upon completion of said home), we will increase the population (that is, if nobody happens to move out). I never dreamed I would reside in a town equivalent in size to Victoria’s Elementary School (student population is 720).

There is one stop light. Two major roads. One gas station (which, thankfully, has a supply of diet coke and an available restroom). And four gated neighborhoods. That is it!

The neighborhood covenant is written in drivel (much more boring than mine!). Minimum home square footage, blah blah, maximum number of buildings on property (only one shed or barn, ya’ll, not four), mailbox placement, garage placement, masonry façade, blah blah blah… And yet in small print – one farm animal, per acre, permitted.

I vote for a pot-bellied pig.
Victoria’s hoping for a horse.
Petra moos for a cow.
And husband – of course, just prefers the deer, wild turkey and scorpions that are pre-existing.

What about a goat? That would solve the mowing situation. I might trade my pot-bellied pig for a goat. OR, perhaps, I will just teach Petra how to bleat! [I should have bought that pig in Ho Chi Minh City for ten dollars. How I would have gotten the pig to Texas is another blog for another time.]

After perusing the fine print, I discover that we can own two farm animals (remember, one per acre)! I vote for the goat and pot-bellied pig! Maybe I'll win, after all, it is Mother's Day Weekend!

We visit our land each month. We blow bubbles, we run around, we receive cacti pokes, we inherit chiggers, we host bug bites, we swat bugs, we step in fire ant hills, we smuggle scorpions into Fort Worth, and we admire the Texas bluebonnets.

The bluebonnet sight in spring is worth all the other mishaps!

God Bless Texas and its Bluebonnets!