cats for sale

actually, you would return them because they are on the high maintenance end of felineness.  and I would not put any unsuspecting victim through the rigamarole that we endure on a daily basis --

so,

cats for rental ...

guaranteed to catch any critter that needs capturing in your home or yard

guaranteed to eat uninvited insects

guaranteed to be low maintenance for a short amount of time

guaranteed to perform properly and adequately

guaranteed to return to our home

ps... don't let their adoring furry feline faces deceive you

pps... the tennis ball is for me.  and parking.  and a guarantee that I stop. 

the equivalent of a litter

Occasionally, I have crazy, non-fantastical, disturbing, lunatic-like, wake up in a sweat kind of dreams. 

My latest nightmare:

I was at the obgyn's office for my first ultrasound because I thought I was pregnant.  "How can that be at my age?" is what you are really thinking!  [perhaps, I have not admitted my real age]  Well, I did fall pg ... and I am sure you all know how that *technically* happens.  And if you don't ... I am sure there is plenty of "how-to" literature on the 'net and blogosphere. 

So, at the obgyn's for the more favorable "check" ... an ultrasound to determine if I am truly pg.  As if the bloodwork is going to lie.  AND, the bloodwork numbers have been extremely HIGH.  Ultrasound tech #1 did the scan and abruptly stopped.  I questioned her reaction.  She reassured me that she just needed Dr. C's second opinion.  So Dr. C entered the room to review the ultrasound machine.  Shortly after viewing my internal baby holding cell, he exclaimed, "You are having the equivalent of a litter!" 

"So was it "SUPER SWIMMERS" or Was it "SUPER OVA"?  I curiously, quietly question.

"done with poo*!"

eldest daughter came home from the "Pet Zone" determined to convince her dad that our house needed one more pet.  the city limit is three.  and we do, in fact, have a vacancy for one more furry or not-so-furry resident.

"dad, i want a dog!"

"no"

"but this little dog WILL have little poop"

"no"

"little tiny whoopy doo-doos!"

"no"

"well i did see a mommy white mouse who just had babies.  nine babies.  can i have one of the babies?"

"no"

i interject, "she will even take an ugly little white feeder mouse as a pet -- now that is caring!"

"but dad, i know a lady who will come pick up the poop for only ten dollars - she's called the 'poop-n-scoop lady'". 

"and maybe the 'poop-n-scoop lady' will cost less if we have a teeny tiny white mouse."

"done with poop," my husband confidently expressed to his daughters. no dogs. no cats. no mice. no bunnies. no pets. none. nada. zip. nil. nothing. noone. nobody. zilch. nein. ie.

apparently, husband doesn't read the blog... because clearly we are SO not done with poop. (see 1/28 post)

Small Farm Animals in Question

Dear HOA,

We would like to inquire about the small farm animal policy per HOA [home owner's association]guidelines.

How many chickens equal a small farm animal?

Sincerely,

Melissa
Lot #9


Response:

Dear Melissa,

We at the HOA regret to inform you that we are a very busy volunteer group and do not have sufficient time for questions/riddles. This may come as a shock to you, but we do have full-time employment and the HOA is in addition to our regular life duties. Please contact us when you have a legitimate question/concern.

Sincerely,

HOA
of _____________.


Response:

Dear HOA,

I am sorry if I appeared to be mocking your duties. But, I seriously would like to know "how many chickens equal a small farm animal?". I am not ridiculing with the old "how many chickens does it take to ....?"

My daughter, Victoria, has been trying to decide which small farm animal she would like to have on our lot #9. And recently, she decided that she would like to house chickens. So, according to policy, can we have ONE chicken only? Or can we have a couple of chickens? Victoria is flowing with empathy. She feels that only ONE chicken will become lonely. She would like the chicken to have a sibling. And possibly some 'eggs'.

So, once again, how many chickens equal a small farm animal?

Thank you,

Melissa
Lot #9


Response:

Dear Melissa,

Please have your husband contact us at his earliest convenience!

Sincerely,

HOA
of __________

Coneheads, Fisheyes, Wideangles, OH MY!

Avon* was adopted from the humane society. One black ear, solid black tail, white body, pink ears, pink nose, very rat-like.




EARS?








Spunky* was also adopted. Two, for playmates. She is a quirky cat.

And what about her EARS?







In our very free time, we have this funny, odd habit of taking photographs with the cone lens. We can give everyone, and our cats, CONEHEADS.

We have also experimented with the FISHEYE lens.

I have started a therapy fund for our baby. She is going to need it. I wanted this photo to be our annual Christmas Card, but we didn't want to solicit any unwarranted sympathy (from those friends and family we only 'see' by mail).