Underestimations...

I just realized that I haven't been irritated, annoyed, mad, angry or belligerent in a very long time!!  I am way over due for some "words" to be flung around like monkey poo in the interior of a car.  (Carwords, as we call them!)  I am up for some dark moments.  Black moods.  Some unnecessary ranting.  Dispensable complaining.  Eye-rolling. 

However, it is quite difficult to be "pissed off" at this time of year.  There is so much jolly-ness all around!  I love the lights that come out at night.  The giant Santa that dons front yards.  The stars adorning treetops.  The candy-cane wrapped posts. 

I love Christmas Season!

Even when the *itch cuts in line ahead of me at the cashier.

Even when the *$$ cuts me off on the highway.

Even when drivers talk incessantly on their phone completely oblivious to their surroundings.

Even when telemarketers call each dinner time.

Even in-laws; if I had any available.  

Even with the 'mommy mafia' hovering around - everywhere.

And if it wasn't such a beautiful, blessed holiday season...

I would so not be above REVENGE.

REVENGE, let me count thy ways...

Life is NOT Fair

A totally overused cliche to describe something we WANT but do NOT receive:

bigger boobs
lipo'd thighs
botoxed lips
moneyed trees

Recently I discovered the true meaning of "Life is NOT Fair" when I accompanied my friend, Lander, to divorce court.

Wallace served Lander divorce papers as if she were the recipient of a Surprise 40th Birthday Party. After twenty-two years and two children, Lander was shocked, horrified, and bewildered.

Eight months later, Lander and I took our seats in front of the judge. Lander is in need of child support and alimony.

A few minutes later, a tall, striking woman approaches the bench. Wallace's lawyer? Wallace's new companion? Whoever she is, she is impeccably dressed with a definite air of plastic surgery-ness!

The judge taps her gavel three times (for effect). Lander Raney? Claudia Nicole Raney? Please stand!

I can no longer concentrate on the divorce proceedings. Wallace no longer exists. Wallace is now verified as Claudia Nicole on a social security card. Claudia Nicole has filed bankruptcy. There is NO money available to support their two children, presently or for college. Claudia has spent it ALL, having her "penis" chopped off.

(Lander is over the initial shock, but I am NOT! Claudia is lucky that I am not her ex-to-be. Because I have one word: REVENGE!)