Underestimations...

I just realized that I haven't been irritated, annoyed, mad, angry or belligerent in a very long time!!  I am way over due for some "words" to be flung around like monkey poo in the interior of a car.  (Carwords, as we call them!)  I am up for some dark moments.  Black moods.  Some unnecessary ranting.  Dispensable complaining.  Eye-rolling. 

However, it is quite difficult to be "pissed off" at this time of year.  There is so much jolly-ness all around!  I love the lights that come out at night.  The giant Santa that dons front yards.  The stars adorning treetops.  The candy-cane wrapped posts. 

I love Christmas Season!

Even when the *itch cuts in line ahead of me at the cashier.

Even when the *$$ cuts me off on the highway.

Even when drivers talk incessantly on their phone completely oblivious to their surroundings.

Even when telemarketers call each dinner time.

Even in-laws; if I had any available.  

Even with the 'mommy mafia' hovering around - everywhere.

And if it wasn't such a beautiful, blessed holiday season...

I would so not be above REVENGE.

REVENGE, let me count thy ways...

just like heaven

1001 places to go before you die:

1.  MACKINAC ISLAND

Mackinac Island (pronounced mack-ih-naw) should definitely be at the top of everyone's list.  Or, at the top IF you reside in Michigan and neighboring states of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Minnesota.  Logistically, a trip from Seattle would make it more difficult... although, worth the time travel. 

http://www.mackinacisland.org/

The island is small enough to run around -- even for an amateur, slow runner like me.  The island is perfect for biking around.  Rent a tandem and a honey and pedal through beautiful scenery... while laughing!!   Ride a horse.  Beware of the SMELL emitted from these island creatures -- it is a small island!

The no motorized vehicle ordinance makes this island very safe... unless you kicked in the head by one of the many horses in town.  And I don't think you can receive a 'ticket' for drunk-walking on the way home from a pub. 

The Grand Hotel ... as seen in the movie "Somewhere in Time"... is a lovely place to stay.  Share a special moment with your daughters, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, or aunts during Afternoon Tea at the Grand Hotel.

I am dreaming of a vacation on Mackinac Island!

School's out, school's out

It has been one day, and one day only...

Q:  Why is it that teachers are the only people NOT ready for September?

Our summer vacation officially begins.  The classes have ceased.  The classrooms are emptied.  The school doors are locked, I'm sure.  The school has a "one-way" door policy option at this point. 

School is OUT.

The entire school year has come to an end.  I must remember (hourly):  "The days may sometimes be LONG, but the years are SHORT".

What are we going to do for approximately 90 days?

Do you realize how messy my house is going to be?

Do you realize I cannot imbibe at this time?

How many summer camps can I register the children for?

OK, OK, It is NOT OK ... to wish away the days, which turn into weeks, which become months, which become years and that only adds another bloody candle to the cake and soon the bloody smoke alarm will ring.

It is going to be a great summer!  It is going to be a great summer!  Ahhhhh!

got MLK?

In honor of MLK, there is no school, no mail, no bank, and no government offices at work today!

Here in FW, we have our own version of MLK

(Due to the insanity of all children at home today)

                                 Martinis

                                 Long Islands

                                 Kamikazes

Coffee, Tea or Me?

 I am totally still in the holiday spirit of delusion.

My house is messy.

My kids are dirty.

My cats are ... somewhere.

The inlaws are _______________ .

My husband is _______________ .

Remember, I am still filled with the holiday spirit.

How many more days till everyone leaves the house - back to school, back to work, back to their hometown, back to Timbuktu, back to wherever they need to be????

Always a TICKER. Always a COUNTDOWN. Always WAITING.

God, I don't want to be wishing my days, weeks, months, years away.

My NEW YEAR RESOLUTION....

I WILL STOP MAKING COUNTDOWNS!!!

Fat and Happy...

... are the cats, the dogs, the kids, the hubby.  AHHH!  What a wonderful time of year! 

I hope everyone has had a memorable Christmas Holiday. 

Warmest Wishes for 2010!

PS  Santa, thank you for bringing me three karats worth of sparkly diamond earrings.  My husband swears he didn't buy them.  He has no idea where they came from.  But I believe.  So I know you were the one doling out this big, huge wonderful surprise!  Love you Santa!

Only 4 more days...

... until Christmas Morning! 

I am as excited as my children.  It is a magical day... ENJOY! 

And don't forget to "ELBOW" any Grinch-bitch who doesn't smile or share in the holiday spirit!

Saturated with the Christmas Spirit

We attended my husband's "department" Christmas Party last night.  I know, I know - the rule is to NEVER imbibe in public OR in the presence of people who can effect your future.  Definitely your husband's future. 

How was I to know that the beautiful red punch with floating cranberries and wreath-shaped iced cubes was spiked?  It's not like I own any tastebuds.  Those disappeared long ago ... during my AFRIN addiction!  AND, besides, the "hostess-bitch" said it was NOT spiked. 

Apparently I was intoxicated after two red drinks in 20 minutes because I ventured over to examine the exquisite ice sculpture.  It was flowing a beautiful pink colored watery substance.  Only too bad for me because I started guzzling the waterfall and that turned out to be MORE Vodka. 

We departed when I could not locate a safe place to hang my leg off the floor.  I was completely saturated with the Christmas Spirit.  Probably still am. 

Happy Thanksgiving

so many wonderful memories to be grateful for

so many memories to be made

here's to giving THANKS!

Trial Thanksgiving Run

Turkeys are not my "thing" in cooking

They appear to be easy to cook

They appear to be low maintenance

But first, you have to clean out all that shit inside them

You have all seen your mothers do it

They reach inside and pull that crap out

Personally, after being an eyewitness

Thanksgiving Turkey Dinner is RUINED for me

My darling husband loves turkey

And after our First Thanksgiving together

in which I managed to turn into a BBQ

He is now the man in charge of cooking the turkey

On that lovely First Thanksgiving together

I pretended that I already cleaned out the turkey's innards

So I left it in

I couldn't bear to ruin his Thanksgiving too

Well I did anyway

When the fire department sent truck number 26

My mother never told me that innards could cause a fire

A big Fire in old appliances

We remodeled the kitchen during the Christmas holidays!

sixty.two.days

1/6 of a year.  8 weeks and six days.  1493 hours. 

Christmas is coming!  Santa is coming!  The Griswolds are coming! 

Halloween is not even over and the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa decor have hit the store aisles. 

Must start making lists.  Must start thinking about gifts.  Must start making more to-do lists.  UGH.  double UGH UGH.

The children have their lists already started (frankly, since the 26th of December 2008).  And this is a few of their minor requests after much contemplation and collaboration of three little minds:

* piano (since our family is totally ungifted/untalented/unmusical in this area)
* pony (a real live hairy stinky carrot-eating gigantic-dunging mammal)
* hermit crab (only if a pony is out of stock and undeliverable) - with its shell painted pink with green polkadots!
* puppy (preferably not stuffed)
* an art room (because it should not be located in the play room)
* a slide and heater for the pool (so we can swim year round)
* a home school (so we don't have to go to school)

What ever happened to simple gifts from the heart?  Homemade paper dolls?  Handmade skirts?  Hand knitted slippers?  Hand painted boxes?

What ever happened to easy simple gifts of Barbie, Little People, Legos, and Blocks?   The wee ones do get an A+++ for creativity.  I just hope they aren't too disappointed!

no.school.no.mail.no.money.

Happy Columbus Day!

Thank God somebody discovered America so we could have another HOLIDAY! 

Oh, what to do today:

1.  visit a pumpkin patch?

2.  stay home?

3.  go to the park?

4.  stay home and pull weeds?

5.  schedule a play date?

6.  stay home and sleep?

7.  celebrate Columbus Day?

8.  stay home and hide?

9.  eat corn, tortillas, and popcorn?

10.  stay home and clean?

Check out:  www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/columbus for FUN stay-at-home activities!

It's not even September...

And the talk around school is... Halloween Costumes! Already. Seriously.

Can't it wait another month? Or another six weeks? Halloween?! We still have 4th of July paraphernalia hanging on the front door. We still light snakes on the sidewalk at night (leftover from the 4th).

The children are excited by the selection of costumes available in August. And they will be definitely less excited by their available choices in October.

What happened to making your own costume? Like, being a "Gypsy" or an "American Indian" or a "Hobo" for the fifth year in a row? There weren't a whole lot of choices back in my 'trick or treating' days. And it wasn't THAT long ago.

The girls are thinking of "OZ"... one will be Dorothy, one will be the Scarecrow and the other one will be the New Toto.

And, hopefully, a "little" costume for mommy - as she hands out candy to all the neighborhood children. At least, Daddy will be happy.