the tooth fairy

I forgot that the "tooth fairy" needed to visit our home last night.  I inadvertently locked her out.  She had no access to our home.  Therefore, no money!  And the "tooth fairy's helper" was unavailable to aide in the delivery as well.  I am not sure what "his" excuse was!

Victoria lost a tooth... a long-awaited tooth.  The tooth fell out at 7:16 am.  And by the time 8:45 pm rolled around, we had long forgotten about the tooth.  Or at least, I had forgotten about the tooth.  A lot of action had occurred in the thirteen and one-half hours between lost tooth and bed time. 

Victoria placed her tooth fairy doll next to her pillow which held her tooth safe and sound.  All the tooth fairy had to do was replace the tooth with a gold dollar coin.  Easy, right??  Well tooth fairy fell into a deep slumber and never woke up.   Victoria was up by 6:00 am to seek her treasure. 

Only too bad for me and the tooth fairy.

Victoria was elated.  Excited.  Jubilation rang out from her pepto-bismol pink sanctuary:

"I GET DOUBLE!  THE TOOTH FAIRY FORGOT TO COME!  IT'S MY LUCKY DAY!"

Because we all know that when the tooth fairy has a momentary memory lapse or a very busy flight night, the toothless child gets double.  It's a rule.  At least it is a rule in this home.  And there are no unhappy tears as a result!

Tooth Fairy holder doll is from North American Bear Company.  Pink, Lavendar, and Yellow.  Girl pirate also available.

Tooth holders for boys from North American Bear Company:  Pirates!  Baseball player!  Super Tooth Hero!

Check out:   http://www.nabearstore.com/

Click on Dolls.

Click on Toothy Treasures.

These tooth holders are ADORABLE KEEPSAKES. 

based on my erudition...

... there are some things my daughter has learned in first grade this year.  

1.   the definition of b***h
2.   the meaning of "break-up"
3.   the idea of "bullies"
4.   the concept of money
5.   the reality of schooling
6.   the impracticality of cloning
7.   the disliking of uniforms
8.   the disregard for authority
9.   the likelihood of socialness
10. the probability of a good school lunch

However, it is number four that disturbs me.  The word "allowance" has seeped into daily after-school conversations.  It is a word we have avoided for some time.  We like the concept of "helping" without being paid.  Afterall, IT IS WHAT I DO!! 

So, ALLOWANCE, what's that?

Daughter #1 took it upon herself to seek out "something" that needed to be done without asking, begging, or pleading from me.  It did NOT entail the method of cleaning.  She chose:  setting the table with her choice of dishes and flatware. 

And, she even went the extra mile by adding a CENTERPIECE.  I love it!

Her allowance:  the GUMBALLS!

Shopping Update... almost 10 weeks

I have been so busy drowning in my own "10 month" illness that I haven't even seen the calendar pages flipping by.  AND, yes, pregnancy is TEN months.  This is something they definitely don't tell you until it is too late.  280 days.  40 weeks.  10 months.  One pregnant woman must fulfill the ninth month in its entirety, if at all possible. 

Update on my shopping:

My "10 month" illness is keeping me out of the shops, off the computer, and at home.  Horizontally couch-bound.  My family barely gets fed.  Unless you count cereal, macaroni and cheese, sometimes just the macaroni, and spaghettiOs. 

Other than my IKEA breakdown (outdoor toys for the kids)... I have saved lots of money.  But I think my husband keeps spending it. 

thirty day countdown

On December 1st, this blog will not only tell short stories but it will also publish the misgivings of a shopper-wannabee.  A shopper who has given up all impulse shopping.  A shopper who wants to see if there is really a savings to be made.  A shopper who reads about other families saving money... but the families never report the actual savings.  And then they spend their savings.  One family bought all new camping equipment... for a one-time deal... and now they probably vacation inside the marriott.  So much for camping gear rotting away in the garage, basement, or attic!!

Rules:
1.  ONLY Shop from a list
2.  USE coupons on every shopping trip.
3.  Extra food items can only be bought IF they are on sale (Extras as in snacks, or beef that is buy one get two free, or canned food supplies that are actually used on a regular basis)
4.  Children's snacks will only be purchased on sale. 
5.  No shopping for use "SOMEDAY".
6.  No extra shopping (extra, in this case, meaning:  we already have three rolls of ribbon and two rolls or wrapping paper, no more until it is gone!)
7.  Gifts will still be purchased!
8.  We will not scrimp on the basics:  toilet paper, tissues, detergent, etc.  But more effort will be made to hunt down coupons to use!
9.  Will not go to any store, boutique, outlet, or mall unless shopping for a SPECIFIC item for a GIFT.  Or my children have outgrown a SIZE.  Or something that is totally negotiable and deemed absolutely necessary.  Imperative. 
10.  Will not stoop to washing plastic bags or plastic containers if they are a threat to our health and well-being.  For example, there is mold growing inside.
11.  Will keep track of savings.  IF I pass on those cute matching girl pajamas (because each child already owns 8 sets each), then I save $$$.  Even IF they were pink and green polka dots and super preppy and totally adorable! 
12.  Will add more rules as they arise!

Good Luck! 
365 days is a long time to 'control' my impulse shopping control. 

Upon completion, November 30, 2010, what should we do with the savings? 
I guess that is what the next year is for, contemplation and planning on how to spend money well-saved!

Time is ticking, must get to Dillards and Nordstroms... shopping to do before my time is up.  hee hee hee.

Back to my project ...

I have been shopping NON-stop.  All day in stores.  All night on-line. 

I scored ANAVINI dresses at Boutique S.  Can you believe it?  ANAVINI easily cost $80 per dress.  [Husband if you are reading this, that is probably a typo, I know I said they only cost about $8 - but that was for one sleeve.] 

ANAVINI on sale.  ANAVINI at 75% off.  I bought a lot of ANAVINI today!  Baby P needs some pretty dresses to detract from her forehead gash and scar. 

SQUEAKY SHOES... LOVE THEM!  I bought pink size 6, brown size 7, black size 8 and white size 9.  When your toddler walks, the shoes SQUEAK!  LOVE THEM!  And Baby P will probably hate them by the time she gets to size 8.

LILY PULITZER for everyone in the house [minus hubby - pink and green are so NOT his colors].  Who can resist the preppy colors and fabrics of LILY?  It's like being on vacation all the time!  So many nights I just dream of the ocean... and then I get attacked by a shark [but it's really just the cat biting and pulling the skin between my knuckles!].

Don't forget the catalogs that arrive at 12:30 everyday.  Aaahhhh.  Should I order completely unnecessary winter gear from Lands End or LLBean?  Is there Free Shipping at Chasing Fireflies to offset their printed prices?  Need any home decor from Horchow?  Any birthday crap from Birthday Express?  Is that a 10% off at Posh Tots? 

I ordered printed Christmas Wrapping Paper.  Its implied monogram really says, "this cost money, rip open with care from the T family".  And monogrammed ribbon.  And personalized labels.  And personalized envelope seals.  And personalized toilet paper (not really, but if they had it - I may have considered it). 

Ahhh, euphoric shopping.  I have 77 days left until the start of my NO SHOPPING for ONE YEAR project begins!  That is 11 weeks.  NO, I am not going to continue to go crazy with more shopping.  I am just trying to finish my to-do list before I AM DENIED (by my own will) the process of shopping.  My husband is anxiously awaiting December 1st.

A Skewed Survey

I recently took a survey regarding shopping. I honestly answered the questions and I was feeling very proud of myself. Until... husband walked in and peered at my answers and results.

Husband states, "YOU do NOT shop LESS than other people! You 'POSSIBLY' shop less than a personal shopper! You spend as much as a professional shopper! ARGGHHHH"

I could discover a way to get paid to shop!?

I thoughtfully consider his rage, "Is it the bazillion dollar playroom? Is it the $72 T-shirt? Is it the $851 receipt from Gymboree (I bought the entire new collection and received 17 Gymbucks)? Is it the $590 receipt from Justice (I did receive 11 Justice Bucks Cards)? Is it the $334 receipt from the Uniform Store (the kids MUST wear uniforms to school)? Is it the $442 receipt from Boutique A (the one with the most 'adorable = expensive' smocked dresses)?"

I should have passed on the $72 T-shirt (right). I guess that was a difficult purchase to justify. However, a much better justification than the $300+ Gorilla Tee (left)!!

Friendless in FW

Children enjoy playdates. They look forward to them. They get excited about them. At the thought of them. Pre. During. Post. The thrill of playing with a BFF. The thought of having devoted playtime. Play at home, outdoors, at a park, or at a playdate venue (which there is no shortage here in Texas for money-paying mommies). Playdates can cost money... especially if you take your children and their friends to a water park, Disney World, the Bahamas, or your playroom.

Playroom? Yes, your own playroom. You know, the one you spent $15,000 on in just the 660 square foot addition alone. Plus the $2500 for the muralist to paint a most fantastic scene. The one filled with just the right storage shelves, located on page 24 of Pottery Barn Kids catalog (Averaging $3,499 for storage) The bins of the storage shelves filled with the PERFECT toys. Baby Einstein toys (because, yes, we are smart!), Leapfrog toys (because, yes, we are NOT technologically challenged!) and Imported toys! The mini coaster to the right. The ice hockey game to the left. The toys that NOBODY is allowed to touch UNLESS there is a playdate scheduled! (Because they cost too damn much!)

Yup, we could have gone to McDonald's like 8000 times.

So, we DO a lot of Playdates. Like daily. During the summer.

ONLY twenty nine days till school begins. I am counting the days. I am exhausted. I am wishing we had no playroom. No pool. No fun. No friends.

Life is NOT Fair

A totally overused cliche to describe something we WANT but do NOT receive:

bigger boobs
lipo'd thighs
botoxed lips
moneyed trees

Recently I discovered the true meaning of "Life is NOT Fair" when I accompanied my friend, Lander, to divorce court.

Wallace served Lander divorce papers as if she were the recipient of a Surprise 40th Birthday Party. After twenty-two years and two children, Lander was shocked, horrified, and bewildered.

Eight months later, Lander and I took our seats in front of the judge. Lander is in need of child support and alimony.

A few minutes later, a tall, striking woman approaches the bench. Wallace's lawyer? Wallace's new companion? Whoever she is, she is impeccably dressed with a definite air of plastic surgery-ness!

The judge taps her gavel three times (for effect). Lander Raney? Claudia Nicole Raney? Please stand!

I can no longer concentrate on the divorce proceedings. Wallace no longer exists. Wallace is now verified as Claudia Nicole on a social security card. Claudia Nicole has filed bankruptcy. There is NO money available to support their two children, presently or for college. Claudia has spent it ALL, having her "penis" chopped off.

(Lander is over the initial shock, but I am NOT! Claudia is lucky that I am not her ex-to-be. Because I have one word: REVENGE!)

Homemaid

'tis the handmade, homemade, diy generation. i cook, i clean, i launder, i take care of the children, i sew, i make, i paint, i create, i garden, i iron, i fix, i wash, i compost, i inebriate.
some time ago, i decided that i needed someone to come to my home and help me clean. not much. not thorough. not expensive. just the bathrooms and flooring. and so my quest for the unreasonable began.

my first attempt at 'hiring' a helper was "kate". her name and phone number arrived like destiny in my hand from friend A. friend A and i were on a play date with our children. she convinced me that this was the ONE.

i eagerly called and hired all in one breath.

me: kate, how much and when?

kate: $50 for a cleaning (not an hour, whew!) and i can come every other tuesday.

so, tuesday it is. husband's at work. daughter's at 'mother's day out'. the price of fifty was due to the amount of bathrooms in my home (three) and the total cleaning time would be at least three hours.

our first tuesday together was everything i had hoped it would be, and more. kate cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. my house was immaculate after three hours of scrubbing, scouring, washing, rinsing, polishing, and dusting. not that it was really very dirty since i have a bad habit of cleaning before 'help' comes to the rescue. (husband and mother would probably disagree). i was very blissful and googoo-eyed just as every newly infatuated relationship begins. i glowed and gushed, "see you in two weeks" as i handed over the very worth it money.

two weeks later, she cancels. reschedule. a week later, i cancel. reschedule. finally, a second cleaning to begin at 9 am. since this woman knows a friend of mine (for a few years now and they did meet at church), i decided to use her cleaning time to run a couple of errands that desperately needed to get accomplished. at 9:15 am, i left the money in an envelope and told her where it was just in case i didn't return before she was finished. i really didn't think i would be out until 12 noon. and i wasn't. i finished up my errands at 10:15 am and arrived at home ... to an empty home. no, she did not steal anything. she just wasn't there. she was gone. she didn't even leave a note. i knew she was not returning - it's not like she ran out of windex.

my house did not smell clean, it did not look clean, it was not clean. it was vacuumed. and for fifty green bucks, i sure as hell could push a vacuum. i was not mad, as in mean-revengeful-mad. i was just bitter. i paid a woman money to vacuum a small home. that was the fastest fifty bucks she earned, i'm sure. fifty bucks for thirty minutes (who thinks she stayed an hour?) -- that is one hell of an hourly rate. i am totally in the wrong business.

so my house stayed dirty for a very long time. perhaps my husband will suggest some help for me. when manatees fly. perhaps my husband will help out. when pigs dance. meanwhile, friend A got wind of my maidless home and called to remind me that "kate" only SURFACE CLEANS. what the hell is that? i do that daily! needless to say, friend A no longer employs "kate" as well. honestly, i didn't have anything to do with that. i just took a personal stand against hiring someone to surface clean.

my maidquest has continued over the years.

wanted: monthly cleaning

i'm easy -- i clean before you arrive

thorough cleaning preferred

i provide products -- drinks -- snacks

even friendly conversation, if you speak English

(se habla espanol tambien y nihongo o hanashimasu mo)

stay tuned for part II of my search for the perfect cleaning partner. does she exist?