lax or lazy?

I have not been very consistent at updating my blog because:
a.  I have the ten month flu (haven't you been keeping up)
b.  My children are dull
c.  My fingers are cold and numb from all the snow in Texas
d.  All of the above

I have no real excuses because:
a.  This is all fiction, remember?
b.  I got a job
c.  I live in the UAE now and the time change is killing me
d.  None of the above

My days are filled with:
a.  Drivel
b.  Nonsense
c.  Work
d.  All of the above

My schedule is full because:
a.  I spend 6+ hours walking due to my 'no shopping' rule
b.  I waste an exorbitant amount of time playing solitaire
c.  I watch too much daytime tv
d.  None of the above

I procrastinate because:
a.  I can
b.  Nobody is keeping tabs on me
c.  I do better with hour time limits not month time limits
d.  All of the above

My wish list

Why is it so difficult to receive a little help?  I am asking.  pleading.  begging. 

I need a wife.  I need a stay-at-home wife who can work for free!  Included in this full-time job is room and board.  Plus, constant companionship with children, pets, and homeowners. 

I have my lovely bi-monthly Sandra ... but I just do not understand why her husband does not want her living in someone else's home.  I would totally agree to weekly husband visitation. 

Save water, Drink beer

I have been without water in my kitchen for FIVE (5) whole days now.  And perhaps, I have another FOUR (4) more days to experiment with no water.  For a grand total of NINE (9) whole days without kitchen water.  No dishwasher, No refrigerated filtered dispenser water, No dishes in the sink, No dishes/utensils (I am throwing everything out), and NO cooking...

Maybe this isn't all bad.  No cooking... It's a dream come true, Cinderella!

A pet portrait

My cousin is an awesome artist/painter.  She paints pets.  These portraits are amazing!  I am in awe of her talent.  And I am now gathering some photographs of my pets to have their portraits made as gifts to my children and husband.  It is truly the perfect gift for people who love their pets and for people who already have everything!

Ash Wednesday

On Ash Wednesday, my family was adorned with ash forehead crosses.  It is a Christian Holy Day that is observed by a large number of religious orders, not just mine.  Especially here in the Southern Bible Belt. 

Ironically, we had a visitor appear at our door about 4pm.  It was a visitor from "UNITY MANAGEMENT".  You know, the bible-toting-"I believe in God"-magazine-SCAMMERS!!  Actually, I opened the door... normally, I just don't answer.  But it is Ash Wednesday and all, I should at least be polite.  A new Lenten promise? 

After twelve minutes of this scammer-girl's speech which included 55 "God" words and 34 "I am a Christian" phrases and 29 "I am a good person" statements {by the way, yes, I did count!}, scammer-girl still hadn't gotten around to "WHAT" she was selling/scamming. 

So, I finally told her, "Thanks, but NO thanks". 

Defensively, she had nothing else to exclaim EXCEPT...

"By the way, did you know y'all have some BLACK SHIT on your foreheads??"

I replied with a smile, "It's Lent!"

Scammer-girl {remember the Christian-Claiming, God-Loving, Holy Roller} questioned, "Can you please enlighten me?  What's SLENT?"

I smiled back at her and told her to "GO TO CHURCH"!  It just might save her from ending up in jail.

open houses

My husband and I loaded up the car with two point five children, three bags, one snack bag, three DVDs, and three blankets.  We went to a few open houses.  We are collecting new house ideas for the house we build (someday). 

The first house we visited was the dream house ... on paper.  It was built using ICF (insulated concrete forms) which I must say is AWESOME.  IF you ever build a house, spend 5% more and use ICF!  Your 3000 square foot home can be heated for $100 (instead of $375).   The owners had knocked out a wall and added a sun room.  And inside the sun room, the owners put a 'hot tub'.  I am so NOT kidding.  It was like having a huge bathtub inside your living room.  And since the owners had knocked out a wall, that was like putting a HUGE hole in concrete.  The home was inefficient.  And the electric bills were over $300 monthly.  Moral of Story:  DON'T PUT A HOLE IN YOUR ICF WALLS.  LOSER!!!  Oh, and by the way, house number one was GHASTLY! 

The second house was a dream house ... in Billy Ray Redneck's dreams!  It was hard to see the carpentry work behind all of the trophy heads taking up every square inch of wall space.  I am sure the arts and crafts era trim was beautiful but I could not take my eyes off of the floor.  If I dared to look up I was sure to meet an elk, moose, grouse, dove, deer, antelope, emu, raccoon, squirrel, big fish, ostrich, fox, coyote, hyena, or jackalope in the eyes.  And the wood plank floors were quite nice! 

The third house was a dream house ... in New York City's upper east trendy loft district.  Minimalist.  There wasn't a thing in the house.  Literally.  No cabinets in the kitchen.  No trim.  No woodwork.  No ironwork.  No closets.  Barely a door in sight.  No light switches.  No doorbell.  Nothing.  Very odd. 

The fourth house was a dream house ... in Texas, of course.  The Floors were all Concrete.  Just concrete.  Do they do this anywhere else in the USA?  The builders pour a slab of concrete.  And that is it.  That concrete becomes your floor.  Your floor is just the slab.  I am having a difficult time wrapping my brain around schlepping my feet all over a slab.  I feel like this house is naked and incomplete.  Although a central vacuum system would probably work excellent!  So this slab can be stained.  The most popular color for staining concrete:  "COCA-COLA".  Yup, Coke.  Not even "DR. PEPPER".  Nor "MOUNTAIN DEW" (but then again who wants to schlepp over piss-yellow floors?)  Is using your slab for flooring a way to save money?  I guess it cuts down on carpeting, hardwoods, and tiling.  Besides slabs crack in Texas, so why bother with other flooring.  Add flooring after your slab settles and cracks. 

We finally returned home... completely depleted of excitement over picking out interior features for our future build.  Completely and totally depressed.  Picking a house is kind of like picking a mate... it takes a lot of time.  And the house (like the mate) must be perfect ... for you ... just not perfect for everybody else!

Fat.Tuesday.And.No.Bar.Too.Far

Mardi Gras is a wonderful day.  A great day, in fact.  Junk food. Drinks. Overabundance.  Indulgence.  Heaven. 

This brings me to my favorite bar... a slurpee bar:  Fat Tuesdays.  There are many locations in the US, and my favorite slurpee location is in Key West. 

There isn't a bad drink at Fat Tuesdays.  And the colorful assortment is so much fun.

Here's to hoping everyone has recovered from Mardi Gras.

Mystery Monday

But at least I smile!

the Age of Aquarius!

hApPy BiRtHdAy to MEEEEEE!

hApPy BiRtHdAy to MEEEEEE!

hApPy BiRtHdAy dear....  MEEEEEE!

hApPy BiRtHdAy to MEEEEEE!

AND... HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL OF YOU !!!

Shopping Update... almost 10 weeks

I have been so busy drowning in my own "10 month" illness that I haven't even seen the calendar pages flipping by.  AND, yes, pregnancy is TEN months.  This is something they definitely don't tell you until it is too late.  280 days.  40 weeks.  10 months.  One pregnant woman must fulfill the ninth month in its entirety, if at all possible. 

Update on my shopping:

My "10 month" illness is keeping me out of the shops, off the computer, and at home.  Horizontally couch-bound.  My family barely gets fed.  Unless you count cereal, macaroni and cheese, sometimes just the macaroni, and spaghettiOs. 

Other than my IKEA breakdown (outdoor toys for the kids)... I have saved lots of money.  But I think my husband keeps spending it. 

I've just go one question...

Who's playing in the Super Bowl?