the "Queen of Clean"

I love these books!  The Queen of Clean, aka Linda Cobb, has some great ideas and tips for cleaning almost anything.  The Baking Soda book by Vicki Lansky is also great!

Recently, I used a Queen of Clean tip because my fairly new shower door was showing signs of SOAP SCUM.  The dreaded scum.  The difficult to remove scum.  You can only keep a glass shower door scum-free for so long; even with daily cleaning and squeegeeing.  I tried every product available in the household cleaner aisle.  Expensive, inexpensive, good quality, bad quality, indifferent.  I spent three hours trying different cleaners.  Darling husband had read on the internet to use "oven cleaner" to remove soap scum.  Being almost 6 months pregnant, I didn't want to be around those harsh fumes.  And I knew that darling husband was probably not going to help me experiment. 

So, I referred to the Queen.  She said to use "mineral oil aka baby oil".  How can oil clean soap scum?

You know what, I tried it.  It's a MIRACLE!  And it WORKS!  I have the most beautiful glass shower doors in Texas, I'm sure! (... until the next shower!)

My wish list

Why is it so difficult to receive a little help?  I am asking.  pleading.  begging. 

I need a wife.  I need a stay-at-home wife who can work for free!  Included in this full-time job is room and board.  Plus, constant companionship with children, pets, and homeowners. 

I have my lovely bi-monthly Sandra ... but I just do not understand why her husband does not want her living in someone else's home.  I would totally agree to weekly husband visitation. 

hide and seek

HONEY .....

a.  how to buy a new vacuum
b.  husband is bailing out of "his" chores
c.  husband is "underfoot"
d.  how to get funding for hiring a maid
e.  all of the above

Home Maid III

So, there I sat at nine months and 5 days pg. And I had 3 weeks and 2 days to go. For those of you who are clueless or easily misled, pregnancy is 280 days which equals 10 months which means the completion of the ninth month. No, we pregger women don't get to reach the ninth month and rejoice... we have to complete the entire 4 weeks within that month. UGH!

I was still desperately seeking cleaning help. I started perusing classifieds in four different newspapers. I started surfing local classifieds. I called and begged friends. Apparently, nobody likes to SHARE their house cleaner. OR maybe you REALLY don't have one! HA! I even hauled my big belly to the corner and held a big sign that said, "Houseful ... of crap, Please help me clean it!" Nobody called. Well, actually, one person called but since he was already drunk I didn't think that would help my house situation.

Husband arrived at home to more dirt and mess. Surely, he isn't BLIND. Or oblivious. Or POLITE.

I handed him a bucket, sponge, cleaner, toilet brush, more cleaner, rags and a Coors Light.

He incredulously asked, "What's this for?"

"Um, I-dunno, maybe you can wash dishes? Or scrub the pool tiles? Or take one of the bathrooms?

Husband drank Coors. Husband misplaced cleaning supplies. Husband has disappeared.

Home Maid II

Can't find your socks? Check your closet floor!

Can't turn your clothes outside-in? Then they will be laundered, dried, and folded in the same way that you left them on the floor.

Can't find a clean bowl? Grab one out of the sink (mine are in the dishwasher)!

Now, can we discuss a maid?

Homemaid

'tis the handmade, homemade, diy generation. i cook, i clean, i launder, i take care of the children, i sew, i make, i paint, i create, i garden, i iron, i fix, i wash, i compost, i inebriate.
some time ago, i decided that i needed someone to come to my home and help me clean. not much. not thorough. not expensive. just the bathrooms and flooring. and so my quest for the unreasonable began.

my first attempt at 'hiring' a helper was "kate". her name and phone number arrived like destiny in my hand from friend A. friend A and i were on a play date with our children. she convinced me that this was the ONE.

i eagerly called and hired all in one breath.

me: kate, how much and when?

kate: $50 for a cleaning (not an hour, whew!) and i can come every other tuesday.

so, tuesday it is. husband's at work. daughter's at 'mother's day out'. the price of fifty was due to the amount of bathrooms in my home (three) and the total cleaning time would be at least three hours.

our first tuesday together was everything i had hoped it would be, and more. kate cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. my house was immaculate after three hours of scrubbing, scouring, washing, rinsing, polishing, and dusting. not that it was really very dirty since i have a bad habit of cleaning before 'help' comes to the rescue. (husband and mother would probably disagree). i was very blissful and googoo-eyed just as every newly infatuated relationship begins. i glowed and gushed, "see you in two weeks" as i handed over the very worth it money.

two weeks later, she cancels. reschedule. a week later, i cancel. reschedule. finally, a second cleaning to begin at 9 am. since this woman knows a friend of mine (for a few years now and they did meet at church), i decided to use her cleaning time to run a couple of errands that desperately needed to get accomplished. at 9:15 am, i left the money in an envelope and told her where it was just in case i didn't return before she was finished. i really didn't think i would be out until 12 noon. and i wasn't. i finished up my errands at 10:15 am and arrived at home ... to an empty home. no, she did not steal anything. she just wasn't there. she was gone. she didn't even leave a note. i knew she was not returning - it's not like she ran out of windex.

my house did not smell clean, it did not look clean, it was not clean. it was vacuumed. and for fifty green bucks, i sure as hell could push a vacuum. i was not mad, as in mean-revengeful-mad. i was just bitter. i paid a woman money to vacuum a small home. that was the fastest fifty bucks she earned, i'm sure. fifty bucks for thirty minutes (who thinks she stayed an hour?) -- that is one hell of an hourly rate. i am totally in the wrong business.

so my house stayed dirty for a very long time. perhaps my husband will suggest some help for me. when manatees fly. perhaps my husband will help out. when pigs dance. meanwhile, friend A got wind of my maidless home and called to remind me that "kate" only SURFACE CLEANS. what the hell is that? i do that daily! needless to say, friend A no longer employs "kate" as well. honestly, i didn't have anything to do with that. i just took a personal stand against hiring someone to surface clean.

my maidquest has continued over the years.

wanted: monthly cleaning

i'm easy -- i clean before you arrive

thorough cleaning preferred

i provide products -- drinks -- snacks

even friendly conversation, if you speak English

(se habla espanol tambien y nihongo o hanashimasu mo)

stay tuned for part II of my search for the perfect cleaning partner. does she exist?