based on my erudition...

... there are some things my daughter has learned in first grade this year.  

1.   the definition of b***h
2.   the meaning of "break-up"
3.   the idea of "bullies"
4.   the concept of money
5.   the reality of schooling
6.   the impracticality of cloning
7.   the disliking of uniforms
8.   the disregard for authority
9.   the likelihood of socialness
10. the probability of a good school lunch

However, it is number four that disturbs me.  The word "allowance" has seeped into daily after-school conversations.  It is a word we have avoided for some time.  We like the concept of "helping" without being paid.  Afterall, IT IS WHAT I DO!! 

So, ALLOWANCE, what's that?

Daughter #1 took it upon herself to seek out "something" that needed to be done without asking, begging, or pleading from me.  It did NOT entail the method of cleaning.  She chose:  setting the table with her choice of dishes and flatware. 

And, she even went the extra mile by adding a CENTERPIECE.  I love it!

Her allowance:  the GUMBALLS!

a proper sentence?

my oldest daughter is quiet by nature.  she is thoughtful.  she is introverted.  she is serene.  she is shy.  until recently.  it is the second semester of school - which also means - oldest daughter begins to come alive.  she becomes more animated.  she is more comfortable.  she is very interested in sharing her life with her class.

teacher:  "we are going to discuss proper and improper sentences today."
teacher:  "can anyone think of an improper sentence?  for example, 'cat running', that is improper."

oldest daughter:  "yes, ma'am, i know one.  'i is going shopping'." 

teacher:  "excuse me!"

oldest daughter:  "i said i is going shopping.  i is going home.  i is doing my homework.  i is happy."  "i is, i is, i is, i is...."

Spell check does not work in real life

On Monday morning, the teacher greets the classroom of twenty-four eager, happy students.

"I have the new first grade spelling list for this week. Ten fabulous new words and two bonus words. Let's introduce the new words!"

1. have - I have a new dog.

"Who would like to volunteer to spell the word 'have'?" asks the teacher.

"h-a-v-e", Brian confidently spells.

The teacher writes the word on the board and praises Brian.

2. funny - I laughed at his funny joke.

"Any volunteers?" questions the teacher. "Go ahead, Jake."

"f-u-c-k", Jake innocently spells.

The teacher ceases writing midstream f-u-.... and hides her face (creative, new, and very funny).

"Well, not exactly. Actually, there are five letters in this word. But ... Jake can I see you a moment. Class, please continue working on your reading handout."

Thank God the other twenty-three first-graders have not been weaned on the F-Word.

Going on a Fieldtrip

Heading out on a field trip to the local park, the teacher asks the children to imagine what they might encounter. Remember this park has a pond.

"Grass!" shouts Hyllary.

"Ducks!" announces Wyatt.

"Geese!" bellows Carter.

"Squirrels!" yells Aliya.

"Bugs and other yucky things!" insists Betsy and Windy.

"Good job, students! I love all of your answers. When we return to the classroom, we will record our findings in our journal," states the teacher. "And ..." an interruption occurs ...

"FLAMINGOS!" shouts Vanessa, who has obviously never been to a park in Texas!













(Photo courtesy of flickr.com and marymactavish)

Crank gets the Look!

Victoria reached a milestone today...

She has officially mastered the "go to hell" glare and she used it in an appropriate situation.

Victoria is a good student. She is diligent. She is serious. She is responsible. She is well-behaved. (Or so I think in my own delusional state-of-being.) Children always act differently when they are away from their parents. I know this from experience. And since she is a problem-child at home, then she must be perfect at school.

The principal is an old bitter woman who never married and never raised children. And not that you need to be married or have children to be an effective principal, I do believe it would have helped this woman. On the golden egg scale, she registers as a 'bad egg' (remember Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?). Cranky principal has one positive characteristic - she takes education very seriously. However, she is not a pedestal role model for children.

The "Crank" visited my daughter's Kindergarten classroom. Victoria's class was participating in a writing lesson. At that exact moment, the "Crank" selected my child to approach. The quietest, the most shy, the most sensitive, and the best handwriting.

In a coarse and unfriendly voice, Crank announced, "Victoria, if you keep holding your pencil like that, you won't be passing to first grade. How would you like to repeat Kindergarten?"

Victoria kept on writing. Pretending that this woman couldn't possibly be talking to her (another mastered action, perhaps, learned from me). Victoria's head is screaming at the Crank (I can hear it)!

Crank insisted, "Victoria, I want you to hold your pencil this way" (as she removed Victoria's pencil and placed it into her hand in a different position). It was so awkward that Victoria could not legibly write her name.

And this is where the "LOOK" was coming to fruition.

She glared at this woman (who remained quite oblivious), squinted up her big blue eyes, clenched her teeth, and drained her face of color. If actions could speak, "GO TO HELL" would have been screamed from the depths of her gut!

The school photographer had been following the principal for candid interaction photographs. Ironically, school photographer took a photo at the exact same moment that the "LOOK" was produced.

Crank demanded, "Victoria, are you paying attention? I told you to do it the correct way!" (Victoria had resumed her own successful pencil position, disregarding Crank's authority.)

Victoria looked up and shouted, "I heard you. AND YOU are hurting my Mother's feelings."

Crank was clearly confused. Victoria continued, "MY MOTHER LOST TWO FINGERS FROM SICK BACTERIA AND SHE CAN'T WRITE THAT WAY EITHER!"

Crank is retiring in seven days. We are looking forward to a joyful year in first grade.

Too bad school photographer deleted the photo! She is the one who informed me of the situation. For now, Victoria is keeping her secret about the scary principal encounter! And, me, I am trying to find a way to successfully model the balance between rebellion and independence!