Part II, Costume Contest!

Continuation from yesterday's post:

We won the Costume Contest!  First Place. 
Prize:  more chicken!! 

I liked living a quiet, unknown, wallflower-kinda, introverted life ... until the 5K/1 Mile run, that is.  I saw a "quote" that was NEW to me.  But, it may NOT be new to you...

But I laughed when I read it, the kind of laughing where you could pee your pants!  Aw, maybe I did - just a little. 

So, based on the quote, I created T-shirts for my husband and me.  Actually the T-shirts are our NEW Halloween Costumes.  For all the extroverted parties we attend!  But since the run came first, I got my adrenaline rushing and my bum in gear to get the T-shirts done before the School Run.  And so this is how we got our new nicknames at my daughters' school:

"SPEEDBUMP" and "FASTLANE" 

(I think my oldest may be embarrassed by us, but I'm not sure, she doesn't seem to acknowledge us in public any longer.  Because when we walked into Church to attend the evening Mass and some unknown person in the pew across the way greeted us with "HEY, it's SPEEDBUMP and FASTLANE!!" our eldest went to the restroom and returned to sit with a new and different family.)

the quote: 

My T-shirt:  FASTLANE

My husband's T-shirt:  SPEEDBUMP

The backside of FASTLANE T-shirt was changed to accomodate the run; live was replaced by run.

The backside of SPEEDBUMP announces... "AND PROUD OF IT" 

PS  The running adults got a big laugh out of it.  Especially the "MOMS".  

PPS  I am so not doggin' my husband!  He thinks the quote is funny too... maybe not "pee your pants" funny, but "chuckle, chuckle" funny.  And he is used to my sense of humor by now.

PPPS  My husband is actually a FASTLANE kind of RUNNER with a sub 2:46 Marathon time.  Yup, that's right, I can brag about my husband running 26.2 miles in less than three hours.  Because I think his marathon time is approximately my HALF marathon time.   And I am proud of his running talent. 

PPPPS  To all my neighbors, yes, that was ME on the ground taking photos of speedbumps.  I apologize to those of you who did NOT know what I was doing lying in the middle of the street.  I am not upset at the phonecalls to the police.  But I did have a difficult time explaining myself. 

PPPPPS  Halloween costumes will be for sale soon!

Wanted: TTY/TDD large printing telephone for the hearing impaired

My sign language interpreting skills paid off again yesterday. I have this 'insane' habit of playing the role of a deaf woman. At home and away from home. Anytime really. It just takes over my whole body. We practice 'talking' deaf at home. We sign nursery rhymes and songs at home.

(If you read my blogosphere drivel, then you know I have the "no-hear-ums", I use closed-caption, I ignore, and I don't listen.)

My children and I were on our way to Target, just six miles from home, when sirens started wailing and thus, I was pulled over by a friendly policeman.

Child #1: "Were you driving the speed limit?"
Me: "Only five over... but that shouldn't warrant a pull-over!"
Child #1: "Oh NO!"
Child #2: Starts crying and announces the obvious, "Daddy's NOT going to be happy."
Child #3: Is already wailing, "Waaaaaaaa!"
Child #2: "If you get a ticket, does that count as your birthday present?"
Me: "Let me handle this... no laughing, no talking, NOTHING!"

Officer approaches car. Officer gestures to window. Officer gestures for my license and insurance papers. Officer pauses, rubs his head, and begins to fidget.

The window is down and I dramatically start fiddling with my ear. Adjusting my 'pretend' hearing aid. I gesture to my ear. I suddenly start using hand gestures and signs ... very quickly and efficiently (mainly I begin signing the "Pledge of Allegiance" because I am good at that one). I then put on my "DEAF" voice and start mumbling about nothing in particular.

Loudly I shout, "I'n horry oh-ih-her, I con ere oo."

The officer immediately comprehended the situation ... Oh, shit! This woman is DEAF. I am thrilled that he deduced my situation so quickly. He started to apologize and he definitely wanted to ESCAPE FAST! He held his hand up to interrupt my Deaf Driveling Voice.

"You were going over the neighborhood speed limit", the officer announced slightly frustrated. And then the officer added slowly with a loud shout, "I-m s-o-r-r-y m-a-a-m b-u-t y-o-u-r b-r-a-k-e-l-i-g-h-t-s a-r-e o-u-t."

I stare at him. "I'n horry..."

He uses a stop sign hand gesture. He goes to his police car and starts writing. Oh shit. I hope it isn't a ticket. Maybe he is on to me. What could happen to me 'for deception'? Maybe I will have to appear in court and continue with my charade. If my deception pisses off said officer, I suppose he could haul my ass to jail and call my 'mommy and daddy' or worse, my husband.

He comes back and hands me a hand written note stating that my brakelights are out.

I smile a big fake smile. I nod in acknowledgement. The officer looks in the back seat at the children. One is still crying. One is looking down, almost pretending to be asleep. And one is looking at the officer.

The officer speaks to child #1: "Hi there, you take care of your mother, OK?" (Like I need taking care of...)

Child #1 looks confused but she responds to the officer: "I'n horry, I con ere oo". She speaks in her perfect six year old deaf voice.