Friday, July 29, 2011



how many of us fret about yesterday?
the should have dones?  the should have beens?  the should have saids? the should have kicked?

you know what I say...
"who gives a flyin' flip, buttercup!!"

on a radio program, kidd kraddick in the morning, 106 fm for those of you in the dfw area.  and also for those of you who manage to be high-tech and listen on line or however you techies listen to radio programs (I sooo need a teenager under my roof), they have a similar call-in for the yesterdays and should-haves:  it is called "GET OVER IT!".

I get it. 
Get over it.
That is so yesterday.

We cannot control what other people think or say or do.  We are only responsible for ourselves.  But that is where the problem can occur.  Yes, amongst ourselves. "What?", you are wondering.  How can I possibly be responsible for saying or thinking or doing the wrong thing??

Well, sometimes we may do something unintentional.  But it happens.  And because of a lack of communication or misunderstanding -- words and actions can be misinterpreted. 

Like caller A:
I dated this girl, so I cheated on her... and you know what she did:  she shredded every shirt I owned. 
I say to her, "Get over I cheated, you were lousy in bed". 

So you know what I would say to Caller A:  you humongus a-hole.  you're lucky i wasn't your girlfriend, because you'd be saying more than get over it.  does "BOBBIT" mean anything to you?  And also, there is probably a reason for lousy in bed... she had you and tiny tim on top of her.   And shredding your shirts is the least of your troubles... get over it, yourself!!

Like caller B:
There's this girl who thinks that nobody likes her because she is too beautiful.  She is always talking about her beauty.  I say to her, "Get over are not that pretty."

Actually, I have to agree with caller B.  Pretty is so opinion.  What is pretty to one person may not be pretty to another.  And it is such a social faux-pas to announce your beauty in public.  That is what a mirror is for... preferably the mirror in snow white... so that it announces you're the fairest in the land any time you need an uplift.  So maybe caller B you can enlighten the beauty queen and let her know that her words are obnoxious and un-necesssary.  Sex and Beauty are like MONEY... Those who have it (really have it), DON'T talk about it. 

So "Get Over It" is kind of like my motto for today... don't let yesterday take up too much of today.  

Unless it is the good stuff.  The stuff that memories are made from.  The stuff we love.  The fluff we crave.  Who really cares about the bad stuff?  It's all good. 
Unless your bad includes living on the streets; jobless, homeless, familyless, and prideless.
An ill-fated comment from a friend... probably wasn't really what it seems.  A bad day on his/her end? 
People say things but the words can be interpreted in so many different ways.
Let's everyone have a "Get over it" kind of day.  Do what you want.  Say what you want.  Just not out loud.

Happy GET OVER IT day!
Happy Life is too short kind of day!
Happy cliche-sort of day!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

a few of my favorite summer things

First of all, this is at 8:00 am.  And it has been this way for days, weeks, perhaps since May.   Most likely, it will remain this way until at least November. 
Although, it is one of my favorite things... the heat, that is.  I love to see triple digits.  It amazes my inner weather person.
However, I promise, this will be my last weather reference (for today, anyway).

Oklahoma and Texas, we love "QUIK TRIP".  The best frozen drinks EVER. 

Paddle boats.  Or pedal boats.  Love them.  Minus the mosquitos.

Ahhhh.  The fragrance.  The color.  The splendor.  Lilacs! 

Wakes.  For a refreshing Splash and a Cool breeze.

And the best invention:  A SKATE MATE. 
Don't steal my idea without contacting me ... or lawyer Bob will be contacting you!!

Dog Walking. 

And Dog Sitting.

These are a few of my favorite summer things.  What are some of your summer favorites?

Happy Summer! 

Monday, July 25, 2011

speaking in tongues.

I just have to post these photos because they make me laugh.  I hope they make you laugh too.  Because it is Monday, and on Mondays, everyone needs a laugh or three.  by the way, the following photos are all real and completely untouched.  how is that for nature!!

Happy Everything Kind of Day!  Happy Monday! Happy July 25th! 

Friday, July 22, 2011

multiple choice.

1.  A.
2.  B.
3.  BOTH.

That is the question I am currently faced with.  Cliche upon cliche, time flies the older one becomes.   And everyone says so.  And everyone says to new parents or parents of young children, "Enjoy their childhood because it all goes by too quickly."  And yes, it is true.   Why does their childhood pass so much faster than our own?

So, I am preparing for my XX chromosomal future.   Probably inundated with excessive hormones.  The weepy, manic, clingy, distant, raging, uncontrollable, emotional, irrational, sane, insane, rollercoastery, and even-keeled kind. 

A.  Do my future hormonal XX's receive this one as a gift?  {I just love a matching trio!}

B.  Or this one?  Is it wrong to hope that we skip the hormonal drama and just prepare ourselves for their college life?  In which B would be very apropos!

Or A and B.  A to get us through the hormones.  And B to get us through college.  Hopefully, not A and B at the same time.  Then, I would have to start drinking!  And clearly, there is not a "BITCH 4/DRUNK 4" Tee to be found!!

Monday, July 18, 2011


I truly do not know what today is... until I post.  It gives me the day and time.  And for that, I am thankful. The only downside to that is when posting at night... because soon the day and time will be null and void.   I tend to lose track of time.  Perhaps, a therapist would have a name for this type of loss.  And I know it is not Alzheimers.  Is it? 

I do have an explanation for not knowing the date/time:  My favorite watch died a while back -- maybe a couple of years, maybe several months.  It had not left my wrist for twelve years or so and I haven't replaced it.  Because it is un-replaceable.

I suppose my sentimentality over a watch can be a good thing.

 Watch, sunglasses, house, children, husband.  My attachment is a good thing.  All mentioned attachments are irreplaceable.

Gotcha!  I correctly used irreplaceable... see, I do know how.   But I like to make up words (see all previous posts) yet there is one thing I have learned from having a child in elementary school:  According to certified teachers in the education system, "Using made up words is not a sign of creativity... it is a sign of 'who let you pass to the next grade?'"  But I am standing up to defend the CREATIVITY!!  And I would like to know who decided that unreplaceable is not a word?  And for that matter, why did he or she get to make that decision?  Why ir- instead of un-?   And what qualifications gave that decision maker the ultimate last say? 

Because in 1911, doctors and dentists did not have real degrees.  They just took a few classes and became titled with the moniker "doctor".   Perhaps, that is why middle-age was considered 25?!   So I would like to be an RE.  Why do I have to go to school for approximately 10 more years? 

So it is summer.  And it is hot. 
Don't you get tired of all the weather and food updates from random people?  Well, hot is hot.  And since it is summer in the northern hemisphere... most days are hot for everyone.
And food.  Really it is just food.  And taste is just an opinion.  

What I have learned this summer:

1.  Baby Powder.  Rub baby powder in your hair to rid your roots of shine (especially on these hot and humid days).  However, if your hair is dark (any hue containing brown) -- then do not try this at home.  Your hair will look funny!!

2.  Pool time is never long enough.  Whether it is 30 minutes or three hours.  It is never long enough.

3.  Your child will be bored at some point.  Hopefully, just not every day. 

4.  All the city parks close at 10:00am due to heat advisory and bad air.  (Trust me, this one is true!!  Well, in our house anyway!)

5.  SPF 50 every thirty minutes.

6.  All city activities resume after 7:00pm due to record high heat.  (Again, this is true in our house!)  

7.  Summers are too short. 

Happy Dog Days of Summer, Everyone!!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

According to Health Magazine

A British research states that you can lose 6 pounds a year -- just by SHOPPING.

Now that is my kind of research!

"The average woman burns roughly 385 calories each week scouring stores for best buys, which amounts to a whopping 20,000 calories a year."  This is a direct quote from Health Magazine, May 2010.

However, there should be a disclaimer for Americans who tend to drive on their shopping expeditions.  The British and the Europeans walk to their shopping destinations. 

Ahhh, one can only dream of losing weight while shopping.
Or losing weight while eating.

Sweet dreams!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

health 101

The plunge of a colonoscopy unveiled. 

Plunge, literally and figuratively, because once you get started there is no return. 

If poo grosses you out ... you may want to stop reading NOW.  But if gross doesn't effect you then read on.  And I really won't be too graphic.  Really.  Because for the worst part, I was asleep.  On a personal honeymoon. 

I vowed I wouldn't write about this medical procedure.  But I have changed my mind.   I decided to do a colonoscopy medical review for all you wondering people.  And because nobody talks about it.  Nobody tells you about the prep. 

The prep is far worse than the actual procedure.

So, if you have reached the age of 50... make your colonoscopy appointment now.  Colon cancer is 100% treatable if it is found.  However, at the same time, it is 100% death if it is not found.  Personally, I prefer the 100% treatable to death. 

And if you are one of the lucky ones who have medically proven "family history" then you get to take the plunge into the colonoscopic world at the early age of 40!! 

Imagine my surprise when I made my husband an appointment to get "Cleaned Out".  The joke ended up being on me... I was the one who ended up with a "Cleaning Out" because of family history.  And my doctor who's name begins with "Caca...".  I mean really, Dr. Caca.  It's like he was destined for being the King of Poo.  I never did get beyond the Caca part of his name... I just call him Dr. Caca.   And secretly, I am hoping that his wife maintained her maiden name.  And that the mini Cacas actually have a different last name... or perhaps he did not add to the gene pool. 

So back to my husband's appointment.  Which became my appointment. 

A routine medical procedure.  I can do this.  Besides, I will be asleep.  A medicinal-induced sleep for a sleep-deprived mom.  I even asked the anesthesiologist to up the meds so that I could sleep for an additional 60 minutes.  Actually, I begged.  I pleaded.  I groveled.  "Just let me sleep!!"

The week before the plunge, one must stop taking all vitamins and meds (unless otherwise noted by your doctor).  One must not eat any corn, seeds, or nuts.  For obvious reasons.  But in case this one has escaped you:  corn, seeds and nuts are difficult to digest and take a lot of time to break down in the digestive system.

Two days before the routine procedure, one must stop eating.  The fasting begins.  A clear diet becomes your way of life. 

Chicken broth, beef broth, vegetable broth.
Gatorade.  No reds.
Jello.  No reds.
Popcicles.  No reds.
More water.

And for those of us who did not receive A's in Art 101 and Science 101... No reds also means NO PURPLES.  Because... blue plus red equals purple.

Reds are not easily broken down in the digestive system.  And you do not want to have the colon probe detecting red!!

So fighting off a major headache in 105 degrees of heat, in hindsight, I would opt to do a colonoscopy in December.  Cooler temps.  And a fast to prepare for that fancy black holiday dress. 

One day before the medical procedure, one must begin taking a PREP.  A PREP to cleanse you.  There are different preps.  Most doctors feel that a liquid prep is the best course of action. 

The prep is a powder to be mixed with water just before drinking.  It is 4 cups.  32 ounces.  And, let me tell you, it is the BIG GULP from HELL.  One must drink this liquid dynamite in one hour.  Yes, one hour.  Fill your gut with this PREP so your intestines can blow up.  This PREP that tastes like a bad salted gatorade drink from a kids science experiment kit that has gone bad and very wrong.

I have an extremely weak stomach.  Loose teeth make me want to vomit.     

So after choking down the first PREP, I went to bed and tried to sleep off the horrible lingering feeling.  The feeling as if you drank too much tequila and you just want to go to the ER and get your stomach pumped so that you feel a bit better. 

And when I woke up, it was time to complete the second PREP.  Another 4 cups.  Another 32 ounces. 

The smell is like one I have never smelled before.  Words cannot describe the taste or the smell, but I know my nose and mouth will never forget. 

I managed to get 1/4 of the way through the second PREP before my stomach went into serious convulsions.  Gag reflex in full force.  And the vomiting begins.  For the next five hours.  I am not sure how that was even remotely possible since I had not had any solids in almost 36 hours.  Just liquids. 

So panic struck.  Shit.  IF I don't have this PREP in me, I won't be able to proceed with the colonoscopy and then I will have to do all this prep again.  And I cannot.  I physically cannot ever drink the PREP or smell the prep or do the prep ever again.  Ever. 

I called Doctor Caca at 6:30 -- twelve hours away from my appointment.  And do you know what he said to his anxiety-ridden, vomiting, panic-stricken patient... "Don't worry, you will be fine, just drink slower."

So I sipped.  And vomited. And sipped.  And vomited.  For the next five hours. 

The goal here is to be doing number 2 in CLEAR.  Yes, CLEAR.  What exactly is clear?

I have learned that CLEAR can come in many shades depending on the person.   So if you are in the midst of a colonoscopy or about to have a colonoscopy... clear is a shade.  Clear can be clear.  Clear can be lemon-lime gatorade color.  Clear can be tea color.  

Well, the advice from Dr. Caca did not work.  So I had my dear husband go to the pharmacy and buy enemas.  Yes, I believe that purchase is way more humiliating than asking him to pick up tampons.  I would have preferred tampons -- those don't even register on the humiliation scale. 

So, people, if you are vomiting, an enema is your only hope of moving on to the final step. 

It is vague, mainly because I have blocked out this moment of my life, but I managed to do the big E.  And finally hours later, I managed to fall into a slumber filled with thoughts of "I have colon cancer" and "I have colon polyps". 

The best part about this procedure is that my arrival time at the hospital is 7AM.  I am the first scheduled appointment with Dr. Caca.   I did not have to spend too much time wondering about my shade of CLEAR or the fact that I hadn't eaten in days, or the fact that I vomited for five hours, or the fact that I may have to repeat the entire prepping stage and reschedule my colonoscopy.

I prayed.  I took the Buddhist approach and prayed to every living thing I laid eyes upon. 

And then I got to take a nice sleep.  The nurses were telling me about their recent anniversary vacations so I fell into a lovely vacation paradise slumber.  My personal honeymoon to Koh Phi Phi.  I am sure it was a lovely trip.  I just wish I could remember it.

The only souvenir I received was a photo post card.  Not to be viewed by the queasy!  If you know what I mean. 

And the good news is that I am healthy!
And the bad news is that I need to be seen again in two years due to family history. 

Next time, I will be asking for Prep PILLS. 

WARNING:  if you have a sensitive stomach be forewarned about the taste and smell of the PREP. 

Please get your routine colonoscopy today!


Monday, July 11, 2011


Hey, everyone!

You have exactly 1 hour and 1 minute CST (or 1 minute EST) to get yourself to 7-11.



I love 7.11.2011

And if you are unfortunate to be stuck in an EST locale... remember this day for next year.  7.11.2012

I just love a FREE SLURPEE DAY!

I have to run... need one last slurpee here in CST.
Good night!

what is in a date?

I love 7.7
It's the star lovers day in Japan.  How great of a celebration is that?  All about star-crossed lovers that can meet only one day out of the year; weather permitting.   I have to say it is one of my favorite days of the year.  Not that I am star-crossed.  Nor do I have a lover.  But if I did, we would be star-crossed. 

However on this day (7.7), I have to admit, I look quite silly running around the yard with sparklers and poppers shouting my wishes and dreams upward into the waning blue sky. 

"I wish for 75 degrees year round"
"I dream of landing myself as an extra on NCIS"
"I wish for a sign... any damn sign"
"I dream of singing backup with Jimmy Buffett"
"I am wishing for edamame flavored popcorn to arrive in America!"

One year, my neighbor called my husband at work the following day to let him know that they are still working from home and that they could keep a closer eye on me if needed.  He told them something about my fascination with Asia.  So now every time I see neighbors A and B, they bow to me and speak very slowly and loudly. 

Or the time Neighbor C returned our RIP tombstone sign from Halloween.

Or the time a passerby circled around the block and reminded me that it's the seventh not the fourth.

Hey, thanks!!

I celebrate 7.7!  Alone. 

It's the sumo day that my neighbors should worry about.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

effervescent shitstain

I love this color.   
I want to paint every wall this color.  I even love how the name just rolls off my tongue; effervescent shitstain.  Effervescent shitstain.  Effervescent shitstain.

"Hi, and welcome to my home.  It has been custom painted with effervescent shitstain." 

The heat has set in the south.  And holy guacamole, it is HOT.  Possibly on the verge of brain-fry over here. 

So, I highly recommend painting indoors as a way to spend your days.  And surely you know what color I am going to suggest:  effervescent shitstain. 

More importantly, for all of you in the depths of dog day summer, check out the best of "Damn You Auto Correct".  This is a most hilarious website. 

For more fun and laughs:

Seriously, you will bust out laughing and ... then have to explain your fits of laughter to your children.  or husband.  or whoever.

Are you hooked yet???