Wednesday, December 28, 2011

wacky wednesday waffs


My New Years Resolution:  MORE LAUGHTER! 
Screw fine lines.
I am looking forward to craters!
Oh, and new panties!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

wacky wednesday waffs

To honor and cherish the upcoming holiday:

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Happy December 1st


Hope your 1st of December is extra sweet!
And as the old cliche goes:  ONLY 24 more shopping days til Christmas!

December also means that we are on the downhill slide to an end of another year.  2011 will be closing another chapter in everyone's personal book of life.  I want to cherish the memories.  The laughter.  The love.  Because in 20 years time, I don't know if I will remember the "little things" that make each day special.  And frankly, that makes me want to cry.  The kind of crying that can only make one look absolutely and dreadfully UGLY. 

So, there are also plenty of moments I don't want to remember either or for you to remember.   Like the time I had surgery.  Three surgeries, to be exact.  Just 6 weeks ago.  Three incisions.  This was so NOT elective.  I had two hernia repairs and another prolapsed something or other.  For some unknown reason, my 45 minute surgery was 180 minutes in length.   And my wakeup was not easy.  In fact, I did not want to wake up.  The recovery nurse spent five hours trying to get me to wake-up and go home.  Apparently, I had overstayed my welcome.  Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I only slept three hours the night before surgery.  I sure was tired! 

Now that I am somewhat healed.  I ventured out on a 5K with my family.  The Turkey Trot was a great way to begin the Thanksgiving holiday -- running before a day of feasting.  It was a beautiful morning and I believe that is what the other 11,995 people were thinking too as they donned their running shoes.  The crowd!  I don't believe the streets in my city are wide enough for that many people.  Perhaps, 2000 runners wore chips to actually try and compete... while the other 10,000 runners were just there for the *fun*.

At the race's end, my darling husband and elated eldest daughter were waiting for me and my two riding littles to cross the *finish* line. 

Me:  "How did you do?"
DH:  "We did okay, but there were a lot of people to *run* around?  How was your run?"
Me:  "I don't know... WHY don't you try SHOVING 120 POUNDS UP SIX HILLS?  Oh, and did I mention that the front wheel sprung off its quick release hinge and I had to carry the wheel while balancing those 120 pounds of children and stroller?"

Other than the mishaps and the hills, it was a great run.  Luckily, the endorphins were kicked in and I was just happy!  And then the results:  My eldest placed in her age group.  I am so proud of her. 

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

What I Have Realized

...that on school holidays, when all 5.3 of us exist in one common area called the "home", I have realized this:

There is NOT enough CAFFEINE in the house to get me through a day!  Coffee, hot tea, iced tea, diet coke... really, it's just NOT enough!   My body does not even respond to anything less than 52 ounces of some sort of caffeine. 

But on the flip side, my bladder is probably thankful.

wacky wednesday waffs

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving


What we're really talking about is
a wonderful day set aside on the fourth
Thursday of November when
no one diets.  I mean, why else
would they call it THANKSGIVING?

{Erma Bombeck}

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

give.thanks.seven



Today I am thankful for sounds.  The gift of hearing.  Selective or Not. 

*I am thankful for the humming of purrs. 
*The gentle breathing of children and pets. 
*The music streaming from the radio.  Well, preferably my radio and not the radio of the car who is three lanes over.
*The ringing of the telephone.  The consistent tone that reminds you to give a silent nod of thanks to Alexander Graham Bell.  With all the texting going on, one can forget to be thankful for the simple non-ring-tone telephone rings.
*The familiar sound of the garage door opening.  It tells me that my husband is home.  Family time begins.  The memories flow as we sit down to dine together and share our day.  I am thankful for the garage doors.  And particularly thankful that I have only hit two out of three. 
*The pitter patter sound of rain on the rooftop. 

Today, I am thankful.

Only two more days until Thanksgiving Day!
And only three more days until BLACK FRIDAY!!
{Is your shopping list ready?}

Monday, November 21, 2011

give.thanks.six

Because life is so busy ... and my kitchen floor ALWAYS has *stuff* on it from every meal, every in-between meal, every pre-meal and every post-meal.  I am THANKFUL for SWIFFER.  The quicker mopper.  Because God and I know that it is impossible to spend three hours thoroughly-on-my-hands-and-knees mopping every day!

One day, not that long ago... I used 24 Swiffers in one mopping.  Is that a record?  It should be a record!!  It's not like I used 24 Swiffers in an entire 5,000 square foot, all-tiled, home.  It was in ONE room; the kitchen, with 24 Swiffers, and the Mother. 
{CLUE should have a new domesticated theme for MOMMIES!}

I am also thankful for the smooth, rich, creamy, warm taste of Nestle Hot Chocolate.  Hot Chocolate is a great beginning to any day.  Add a handful of mini marshmallows.  Ahhh!  Perfect.

GU is a great addition to any length of run.  GU gets me through when my legs feel like running home.  And my feet grow heavy.  And my knees start shaking.  And my lungs are exhaling faster.  And my head shouts NO.  But remember:  It's the run that counts!  A run to start your day.  Or evening.  I am thankful for GU! 
I love LED.  Love, love, love.  LED lights up my life!  These wireless LED portrait lights are a fantastic invention.   No more cords hanging above/below your beloved portraits or paintings or pictures.  {I found these on Amazon.com!!}  I am thankful for LED. 

And I am thankful for Kayak.com.  They are so sweet to send enticing travel adventures to my *inbox*.  Adventures I consider, contemplate, and dream about.  Did you know I can fly to Madrid for roughly the same price that I can fly to Milwaukee??  Madrid is sounding like an excellent travel destination.  I love Madrid.  Hmmm.... maybe I can take my daughter to Madrid for her birthday?!   And as a close second, Milwaukee would be *fun* too!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

give.thanks.five

Giving thanks. 
There may be days that it seems difficult to come with just one reason to be thankful.  Especially if a person is going through a difficult time.  A death?  An illness?  A divorce?  A funk?  A depression?  A hangover?

Or perhaps a dryspell.  Anonalcoholickindofdryspell.

So for day 5, I give thanks for laughter.   The sound of laughter.  The teary-eyed-effects of laughter.  The look of laughter. 

A:  What are you wearing?
B:  Shorts.
A:  What kind of shorts are those?  A brown kind?
B:  They are shorts.
A:  The UGLY kind?
B:  What?
A:  Well, they sure are AWFUL?
A:  Is AWFUL a naughty word?  Can I use that word?
***
B:  These shorts are also called 'hand-me-downs' AND you will see these in your room someday.

My youngest started walking at a very young age.  10 months.  Fluent walking.  And we find her in the strangest places on an hourly basis.  The bathroom sink.  The desk top.  The cat tower.  The fireplace hearth.  The beds.  The workbench.  The patio table.  The mini trampoline which is on top of the patio table (we moved it up there so the littlest little would not be tempted to jump on it after she escaped through the cat door).  And we laugh.  And take photos.

And if finding humor is a bit of a chore today... watch TV... the laugh tracks may MAKE YOUR DAY!!

HAPPY DAY FIVE OF GIVING THANKS!
FIND THE PIECE OF HUMOR IN YOUR DAY TODAY!!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

give.thanks.four



Today I give thanks for number Four... the oil rigs that create our skyline. 

Oil drilling is new to me.  It is not something I am familiar with since I grew up in a state that did not drill for oil in my neighborhood.  Oil rigs are fascinating because you do not have to drive far to see one or even, twenty-five. 

We can drive to Target, Costco, Chili's, McDonalds, WalMart, Sam's, and Taco Bell -- all in a two mile radius.  In that two mile radius, there are four oil rigs.  Neighborhood, Oil rig, Neighborhood, Target, Oil rig, Neighborhood, Long Horns, Apartments, Chilis, Oil rig, Neighborhood, WalMart, Sam's, Cattle, Neighborhood, Oil rig...

Giving thanks for the new skyline.  And the Long Horns (the cattle)!  For This is Home. 

Give Thanks for the place you call home. 

Saturday, November 12, 2011

give.thanks.three


Giving thanks for the little things today.  The small things.  The itsy bitsy things. 
The things that matter to you -- and possibly, only you -- nevertheless, they matter.

The quick, natural smile from your child.
The email from a friend, who just wanted to say hello.
The phone call from a cousin, who just wanted to wish you a "happy-anything-kind-of-day".
The muffins from a student who wanted to say "thankful for you...".
The snack from a coworker who just wanted to share (the calories).
The goodnight kiss from your spouse.
The goodnight hugs from your child.
The purr from your feline.
The lick from your canine.
The perfect trash find by the curb.
The "couldn't pass up" bargain while shopping.
The jeans that still fit.

And, giving thanks for even these little things...

The fleas from your neighbor's pet.
The curses from the driver who cut you off.
The driveling blah, blah, blahs from a friend amidst her third divorce.
The coincidence that a cousin married on her father's birthday (apparently she wants to remember that date forever even through her divorce proceedings?!)
The irony that another friend married her second cousin (is that even legal??)
The sarcasm that wants to get the last word.
The unsolicited help from people.

And I am Thankful on Day Three.

Friday, November 11, 2011

give.thanks.two


I love celebrating holidays.
'Tis the Season!

I am thankful that I have three sweet girls to help me plan, prepare, create, and celebrate. 
The girls have chosen picture #2.  An edible turkey.  
We will be making this adorable turkey to quench our appetites as we prepare the big meal.  
His name will be "sweetheart lippies".  
(I, honestly, cannot even begin to explain that one...)

What are your Thanksgiving Day plans?
Decorations?
Menu?
Games?

{Make a wish -- it is exactly, 11/11/11 at 1:11 am)
{Make another wish -- it will be, 11/11/11 at 11:11am, 1:11pm, and 11:11pm}

Thursday, November 10, 2011

give.thanks.one

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, which is coming soon -- I am fairly certain.  Because IF I knew the current date, without having to calculate back to August to get to today, then I would be able to inform you of the 14 days available.

And that brings us to ... TODAY.

Today, I give thanks. 

I am sincerely grateful for MR. CLEAN'S MAGIC ERASER!  Particularly thankful that they arrive in a package of two.  A six-pack would be desirable.  But since a few "6-pack cleaners" are minimally sporting two-packs after bearing children, a "two-pack" is more apropos!  Or could the two-pack symbolize the "one for each hand" cliche?  I wonder...

Mr. Clean has taken up permanent residence in my home -- he resides in a well-appointed closet.  Always within reach.  Always available.

Since Mr. Clean exists and delivers as promised, I am also thankful that my little one only covered 8 out of 323 tiles with a RED SHARPIE!!  Yes, that's ONLY 2% of the flooring.   A small number overall.  And, I am still smiling after this kind of day ... a close your eyes, count to ten, and be grateful kind of day. 

**The best news is that ... I was really growing weary of those tiles.**  

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Daylight Savings

DON'T Forget TO Set BACK Your Clocks BY One HOUR! 

We get an extra hour!  Yay!  We deserve that extra hour!  What will you do with your extra hour on Sunday?  Relax.  The gym.  A longer run.  A more time-consuming recipe.  More TV.  A jigsaw puzzle.  A project.  Decorate for the holidays.
The good news is that we get to sleep an extra hour. 
The bad news is that we will have to begin imbibing later on Sunday.

Friday, November 4, 2011

It's Friday!

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?


And... "WINE O'CLOCK"... sums it up!

Sometimes, "Wine O'Clock" arrives earlier and earlier.  Especially after toddler days that are quite humorous.   And perhaps, a bit draining. 
"No, don't throw my keys in the toilet."
"No, don't scream and point -- use your words (the good words)." 

Although, I think I am being a downer with all the "No Words".  Let's try something new...

"Yes, let's see if the keys will float -- never mind that the remote will no longer work!"
"Yes, let's all scream and point -- I hope it works for me, too!"
"Yes, let's all pull out every single toy in our home and leave them out.  First one to break a leg -- gets ice cream every day for a week!"

Last night, according to my toddler -- any event that happened in the past is announced as last night, at bedtime the toddler decided to experiment with mouth noises.  Loud noises -- like distorted raspberries.  Loud obnoxious blowing bubblish kind of noises. 

After each newly created noise, she would ask, "Daddy, does the kitty like this noise?"
And after each question regarding her noise, Daddy did not respond.  Apparently, he thought that if he did not say anything then she would just stop with the noise making.  However, with this toddler, that does not work.  Because she is like the little energizer bunny... and she will keep going and going and going... until she receives an answer. 

We are up to the umpteenth noise and recurring question, "Daddy, does the kitty like this noise?"

And finally... AN ANSWER:

"NO, NOBODY LIKES THOSE NOISES!" responds Daddy.

{Toddler grew very quiet.  And she quietly said, "But I do!"}

And I laughed.  And laughed.  Because sometimes life is just really funny.  Well, maybe not to everyone...and I suppose you had to be there... but it was really funny.  And I still laugh.  And toddler, she is great at retelling the story!  And I continue to laugh every time she retells the "noise story".

Thursday, November 3, 2011

WebMedJournal


APPARENTLY, the FLU VACCINE does not cover this virus/ailment.



GET YOUR FLU SHOT TODAY!
IT JUST MIGHT CURE YOU!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

A NEW KIND OF ARTIST

THE WEEKEND ARTIST.
The BYOB art class that includes a bit of paint, a couple of brushes, and a blank canvas.

{plus... ice buckets, bottle openers, and glasses that clink are provided for your painting pleasure!!}

Recently, my darling husband and I celebrated an anniversary.  It wasn't the silver nor was it the golden, according to tradition, but I consider all of our anniversaries "golden" because it is such a delight to reflect upon and remember our special day.   I loved my wedding day. 

For a celebration in honor of our day, we decided to PAINT.  We were each given a blank canvas.  And one person painted the night scene while the other person painted the day scene. 

We had such a blast.  We painted, and painted, and painted.
And then we created, and created, and created.

We decided to create our paintings with personal touches...
We hid little symbols within our art...
Symbols that represented our other half...
That only "we" would know about...
Like a little secret...
With a smiling heart!



this is the perfect memory for an anniversary!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

HAPPY ALL SAINTS DAY!

I love All Saints Day -- today, November 1st -- because it reminds me of the eternal fun to come.  The Bonus:  more treats!  Oh, and a great way to teach children about some lesser known Saints. 

Trick or Treating in Heaven!

All the Saints have their porch lights on and they are ready to welcome us with a bit of their own personal history.  The fun part is guessing what "treat" the Saint is offering. 

Let's meet the Saints with their porch lights on: 

PS  Don't SPEND too much time knocking on DOOR #4!! Or DOOR #13!!

1.    Saint Therese of Lisieux - the patron saint of missions; her namesake "little rose"
TREAT:  a rose

2.    Saint Joseph - the patron saint of carpenters/workers
TREAT:  a toy hammer

3.    Saint Nicholas - the patorn saint of giving (he's the original Santa Claus!!)
TREAT:  a stocking filled with a spinning top and a tic-tac-toe game

4.    Saint Martin of Tours - the patron saint of drunkards
TREAT:  BEER!!!

5.    Saint George - the patorn saint of England and Catalonia
TREAT:  a little toy army man

6.    Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha - the patron saint of the environment
TREAT:  a feather (to honor her Native American heritage)

7.    Saint Martin de Porres - the patron saint of barbers
TREAT:  an elastic hair band

8.    Saint Martha - the patron saint of cooks
TREAT:  a cookie, or three

9.    Saint Frances Xavier Cabrini - the patron saint of immigrants
TREAT:  a small American flag (to honor the very FIRST U.S. citizen saint)

10.  Saint Lucy - the patron saint against eye diseases
TREAT:  sunglasses

11.  Saint Cosmas and Saint Damian - the patron saint of medicine
TREAT:  a bandaid

12.  Saint Cecelia - the patron saint of music
TREAT:  a recorder

13.  Saint James the Great - the patron saint of Spain
TREAT:  a gold coin (to support his wallet representation because MONEY is more fun than another flag)

14.  Saint Dorothy - the patron saint of Cappadocia
TREAT:  flowers (to represent the flowers sent to Theophilis - the man who mocked this martyr)

15.  Saint Peter - the patron saint of workers
TREAT:  a key (to represent "the keys to the kingdom of heaven")

16.  Saint Petronilla - the patron saint against fever
TREAT:  a candy bar (to honor her hunger strike that led to death)

Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy BOO-Day!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
IT'S THE FABULOUSLY FUN DAY OF TRICK OR TREATING!

I hope everyone has a fun-filled day and evening basking in Halloween traditions and decorations!

I just have to share these fabulous ideas for simple decor:
Pennants! 
Love them.
My family makes banners/pennants for every occasion:  birthdays, holidays, just-because days, pink days, blue days, summer days, etc.

This "Trick or Treat" pennant can be found at http://www.findingmyaloha.com/  It's printable.  So make yours today!  There's still time! 



Or perhaps this great banner?!  Find it at http://www.findingmyaloha.com/



I have to admit I had never heard of this holiday tradition before this year. 
So we added this neighborhood fun to our October calendar.
We booed!
We got booed!
O' how fun!

Put it on your calendar for next year! 
for printable letters and ideas!!

**your neighbors will appreciate "You've Been Booed"
so much more than the old fashioned "Ding Dong Ditch"!

BOO! 

Sunday, October 30, 2011

photographer

My middle little has a habit of finding a camera and taking photographs. 
Perhaps this is the reason I keep having to replace my camera.

Recently, I was downloading photos -- as all mommies do -- whenever they have a free moment.  I started to browse through the photos and delete the unkeepables because nobody ever needs to see that photo EVER, when I noticed a bunch of photos that I did not recognize or remember snapping.  Photographs of a book, the floor, Peek-a-Shoe the fun toy, the painting on the wall, a scene that stood still from "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" on tv,  my daughter's grin, another daughter's ear, another daughter's mole, a rock... 

Instantly I knew who had the camera!

And I laughed.  My dear hubby and I decided a couple of months ago that we would save most of middle little's personal photographs and make her a photo book someday... so her keepsake would remind her of her love for photography!   Perhaps she will be a photographer!

As I was finishing up the quick edit, my eyes caught a glimpse of this photo (see below) and I could not believe that my THREE year old captured this photo, on her own, no photoshop here -- just her real life photo:

Friday, October 28, 2011

fifteen.years.it.has.been. -- recap

REPEAT POST.

2011 is my fifteen year hand anniversary and I am on a personal-day-holiday.

The best part about my fifteen year anniversary -- is that for the first time in fifteen years -- I can "just breathe".  Inhale.  Exhale.  I am okay.  The pain is dissipating.  And I am thankful!

i.lost.ONE.finger.or.TWO
definitely ONE. definitely the use of TWO.

it was not the best day of my life.

october.3.1996
i had a cut that resembled a papercut. not open. not deep. not threatening. until I came in contact with a person with strep throat. the strep infection invaded my cut via coughing or sneezing. it became staph infection. THE FLESH-EATING BACTERIA. GANGRENE.

for those of you who know: you can skip this post.

for those of you who don't know, here are some "clean" tips:

1. WASH YOUR HANDS

2. NEVER KISS A "BOO-BOO", EVER! (KISS NEXT TO IT, AROUND IT, ABOVE IT, BELOW IT... NEVER, EVER ON IT!)

3. NEVER PUT YOUR FINGERS IN YOUR MOUTH AFTER A PAPERCUT OR ANY OTHER TYPE OF CUT!

4. PUT ON A BAND-AID. Or Plaster.  YES, EVEN ON A PAPERCUT!

6 months in and out of the hospital.

365 daily visits to a hand surgeon.

10 hand surgeries.

4 long years of constant doctor monitoring.

40 prescriptions for pain pills.

1200 codeine tablets. (not for sale)

1 prosthetic.

4 doctors.

1 special doctor who saved my life and my hand.

$1,000,000 dollars, at least.

1 conclusion: disability.

1 future possibility: more amputation.

THANK YOU, DR. BOB! AND 'NURSES' CARLA AND DEBBIE! You're my heroes!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

what I learned today

I am grateful for my age.  This number that has been assigned to me on Earth. 

{Although in China, I would be one year older.  And for that, I am grateful for living in North America.}

So here is the fine print:

I was not grateful for my age before today.
But since it only takes 88 days for Mercury to rotate in its place in the solar system, I am thankful that I was not born on Mercury.
You see, today, I would be:
ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN YEARS OLD!
137 YEARS! 
100 + 30 + 7
12,054 DAYS

AND I CLEARLY DON'T WANT TO BE 137 YEARS OLD. 

ALTHOUGH, I AM LOOKING QUITE WELL FOR 137!

Me:  "I can't believe I am 137 years old!"
Person:  ?????
Me:  "On Mercury, that is!"

{PS the kids are studying the solar system ... and this is all I learned!}
{PPS if you want your age in Mercury years, email me!}

Thursday, October 13, 2011

my dog is bigger than your dog

Recently we were in public.  Unfortunately.  For me.  And twenty five other bystanders. 

One of my littles is social.  Not at all shy.  Not at all introverted.  {She must have inherited that trait from a distant family member.}  She enjoys meeting new people.  Everyone she meets is a new friend. 

Title:  "My dog is bigger than your dog"
Setting:  Doctor Office Waiting Area
Time:  Post-No-Nap
Date:  Current

Little:  "Hi, what is your name?"
New Friend:  "I'm Alisa."
Little:  "My name is P. 3."
New Friend:  "I'm Alisa."  Apparently confused by the P3.
Little:  "I'm Three.  And my name starts with P."
New Friend:  "Oh."
Little:  "How old are you?"
New Friend:  "Two."
Little:  "OH."
Little:  "WELL, MY MOM IS OLDER THAN YOUR MOM!"

And the waiting room with twenty five people, no empty seats available, all turned in my direction.
And LAUGHED.



Tuesday, October 11, 2011

It's A BOY!!

The days are shorter ... darkness comes quickly now.   Literally, my days feel shorter.  I need more hours.  A good thirty hours in a day would be sufficient.  24 to do it all.  And the last six to sleep. 

Recently, my long list of "to-do's" did not get accomplished in the daytime hours so the only time to make some progress was to do a few errands in the evening.

1.  Target -- need drawer liner paper
2.  Kohls -- use $10 gift card
3.  Dillards -- return/exchange shoes for littlest little
4.  Academy -- soccer gear
5.  Running shoes for middle little (she wants PINK NIKE -- specifically)
6.  Michaels -- Halloween decor (scarecrows, hay, etc...)

As I was running out the door, darling husband sent two point five children with me, and a cheerful warning, "STICK TO YOUR LIST, NO SURPRISES".  

Me:  "What could I possibly surprise you with?  It's Tuesday for goodness sake!"  {As if the day of the week has anything to do with surprises?!}

So, out the door with two point five girls in tow.
Stop 1.  Check.
Stop 2.  Check.

Oh shit, DETOUR!


SURPRISE!  Look what we found!
Our newest member!  And "It's a BOY!" 

PS  I thought darling husband would be thrilled! 
PPS  I am not sure when we will tell him that it took thirty minutes and five other people to help "find" this poor kitty.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Life is NOT Fair, take 2.

A totally overused cliche to describe something we WANT but do NOT receive:


bigger boobs


lipo'd thighs


botoxed lips


moneyed trees


Recently I discovered the true meaning of "Life is NOT Fair" when I accompanied my friend, Lander, to divorce court.

Wallace served Lander divorce papers as if she were the recipient of a Surprise 40th Birthday Party. After twenty-two years and two children, Lander was shocked, horrified, and bewildered.


Eight months later, Lander and I took our seats in front of the judge. Lander is in need of child support and alimony.


A few minutes later, a tall, striking woman approaches the bench. Wallace's lawyer? Wallace's new companion? Whoever she is, she is impeccably dressed with a definite air of plastic surgery-ness!


The judge taps her gavel three times (for effect). Lander Raney? Claudia Nicole Raney? Please stand!


I can no longer concentrate on the divorce proceedings. Wallace no longer exists. Wallace is now verified as Claudia Nicole on a social security card. Claudia Nicole has filed bankruptcy. There is NO money available to support their two children, presently or for college. Claudia has spent it ALL, having her "penis" chopped off.


(Lander is over the initial shock, but I am NOT! Claudia is lucky that I am not her ex-to-be. Because I have one word: REVENGE!)

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I'm a Happy Mommy, take 2

(sung to the tune of "I'm a Little Teapot")

I'm a happy mommy,
sober or drunk,
Here is my family,
friends and junk,
Don't forget it's mommy's day,
or see my spunk,
Flip you off ... and
stuff in trunk.

written by melissa (for melissa)

Happy Every Day to all mommies, grandmas, great-grandmas, meemaws, mimis, gigis, grannies, grammies, aunts, (female) cousins, sisters, babysitters, nannies, and caretakers.

Enjoy your day -- meant just for you!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

wednesday cleanseday

LIFE IS CRAP
(minus the photo)

I know it is all because I wanted to take a SELFISH "ME" WEEK...

I wanted to cleanse:  the house, the drawers, the cupboards, the cabinets...

INSTEAD, I got a computer cleanse.

CRASH.
BOOM.
ARGHHHH.

Computer hard drive went down ... big.
Actually, it is still down.

So, my "ME" week was completely interrupted.

And, enjoy some older repeat posts until my life is technologically re-enhanced! 


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

it's still a me week.


And according to the rest of the family, the week isn't going so well. 
I am receiving a lot of feedback, but the critiquing tones are not very pleasant. 
As one daughter says, "this is a mighty long week".  I had to remind her that it is only Tuesday.  The second day of the week.  Only three more days to go.
As another daughter says, quite regularly, "meanie, blahhhh!". 
And another daughter states, "I don't like this".  Probably because she is not being fed red dye #21 on a regular dietary basis. 
And hubby, he's hanging in there -- barely.  I have to admit, he still looks good even after sleeping in the kitchen last night. 

Monday, September 19, 2011

survival

Hopefully, you all survived your 5 day revamp week.  We will take a break this week and call it a "me" week.  Well, your week would be a "you" week not a "me" my 'my drivel' kind of week. 

For starters, hubby is in charge of the kids this week.  Morning, Afternoon, and Evening.  From sunup to sundown.  I wonder what he will look like by Friday?  Aw, hell, I wonder what he will look like by Tuesday morning?! 


Who is watching your children this week?!

Friday, September 16, 2011

5. Double Happy

Laugh.  A lot.
Smile.  Often.
Grin.  Always.

It is day five of my "revamp myself" week.  And I want to make sure I am living the Chinese Kanji Symbol of "Double Happiness".   I want to make sure I take several moments throughout my days to "enjoy the small things"... a meltdown, a tantrum, a scream from the discomfort of incoming teeth, a scornful look from the mommy mafia, a mumsy once-over from the Jones', or a glass of spilled milk. 

Because reality is... I will never have the opportunity to live this day over.  This exact moment in time will quickly become a part of the past. 

So, readers and friends...

EMBRACE today!
EMBRACE your life!
EMBRACE where you stand at this moment!

EMBRACE, people, EMBRACE!

Because, "WHY LIMIT HAPPY TO AN HOUR?" 

Thursday, September 15, 2011

4. Retail Therapy

Day 4.
Have you taken Jill Martin's advice yet by ridding your closets by 75%?


You will feel so liberated and so depleted and so excited to indulge in some pick-me-up-retail-therapy!  Although I am not sure this was Jill's idea behind disposing of 75% of your clothing.  I am quite sure she said to wear the 25% that is already in your closet.  So, people, let's go fill another trashbag to donate. 
And then we can do some "GUILTY-FREE" shopping! 

New Jeans?  Jill says that if you hardly ever wear jeans, then you ONLY need 2 pair!  But what about all of the Jean-Mamas who live in daily denim?!  And we don't want to wear the MOM jeans!
I say, LEVIS for everyday.  And "Not Your Daughter's Jeans" for any mommy over 40.  And "Sevens" ... are those still in?

Boots.  I have my several pair selected.

Peacoats.  Tan.  Navy.

A new scarf.  I am loving me some PASHMINAs!

But, Don't Forget to Accessorize with New Handbags!  Make it a Ginormous, Huge, Fantastically Large handbag.  Because take it from me...this is some darn good advice:

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

3. Know thyself

DAY 3.

With the year 2011 three-quarters behind us... resolutions long forgotten, diets long started and ceased, exercise regimens long readjusted... let's devote today to know thyself - thy true self. 

So you know you are never going to go to the fitness center on a daily basis, then do something that you will do daily -- wii fitness, take a walk, abs of steel dvd, or INSANITY. 

Make your list today. 

BE TRUE TO THYSELF:

A.   Thrives on organization
      1.  develop a laundry system... I am SOOOO tired of washing clean clothing.
      2.  post a sign on dryer: 
ANYONE WHO ATTEMPTS TO EMPTY DRYER MUST FOLD ALL  CURRENT DRIED CLOTHING.  NO EXCEPTIONS.
      3.  post a sign on dishwasher:
 "YES, I AM CLEAN -- PUT ME AWAY!"
OR
"NO, I AM NOT CLEAN -- WASH ME!"

B.   Creates an idea-oriented home... use art supplies to create, create, create.  Perhaps even attack that large stack of fabric!

C.   Maintains an active lifestyle for self and family... do something fun and active everyday.  Take a walk Monday.  Or Tennis lobbing Tuesday.  Shuffling Wednesdays.  Obstacle course Thursdays.  Imbibing Fridays.  Just Wii Dance Saturdays.  Sleeping Sundays.  j-u-s-t-d-o-s-o-m-e-t-h-i-n-g.

D.   Cleans house only when absolutely necessary... get maid to come more often for less money. 

E.    Drinks well with others!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

2. build chrysalis


Autumn is upon us.

Attack your to-do lists. 
Accomplish your lists of someday I will get around to this.
Finish your unfinished projects.

So, DAY 2 is build a chrysalis (this word is so much more fun than "cocoon").
And emerge next spring, as a gorgeous butterfly. 

Or at least a very organized butterfly who needs new projects.  and new lists.  and a new life, perhaps.  ha ha ha. 

I don't know what I was thinking but I have given up all WHITE CARBS.  OH, BROWN CARBS, TOO. 
So, if I seem a bit scattered, delusional, nonsensical -- it is due to the "LACK OF CARBS I CRAVE" effect.

I gave them up ... not to lose weight but to give me more energy.  I tend to eat a lot of carbs, good - bad - or indifferent.  You know, cereal and toast for breakfast.  A sandwich for lunch.  Pasta and a salad for dinner.  So there you have it -- a carb addict in her glory. 

So nary a carb goes into my body unless it is from a vegetable, a bean, or a fruit family.   Not even a whole wheat carb goes into my body. 

And I feel great.  I glow.  I have so much energy I can run neverstopping laps from 5am to 11pm. In fact, I am driving my husband NUTS.  I never sit down.  I should surely be able to build my autumnal chrysalis without any doubt and finish all my projects by the springtime.

So GO FORTH and BUILD your CHRYSALIS with or without CARBS -- it is your choice!  I will be going forth carbless.

Monday, September 12, 2011

1. clean pantry

Moving forward.  I am on a FIVE DAY CLEANSE.  A Clutter Cleanse. 

Day 1.

I am replacing bottles with cans sippy cups (for baby).  It allows me to reorganize the pantry.  Well, ONE shelf, anyway.

As I was organizing, I realized that I am lacking important kitchen utensils like "MOMMY SIPPY CUPS"! 

Must get to Target right away.  Or Pottery Barn.  Or Anywhere that sells Mommy sippy cups. 

Sunday, September 11, 2011

9-11-11

Let us all take a moment to pause and reflect and remember today.  And what happened to our land, our friends, our families, and our lives... ten years ago today.

AND...
after your pause...
Can you identify the hidden object in the following photo?


Friday, September 9, 2011

i.love.quotes


The "281". 

You go out to a club thinking you are definitely an 8, perhaps a close 10 with your new black stretch pants, oversized "benetton" sweater, and ankle boots (circa 1984).  And he is styling in his new "structure" vest, 501 levis and black reebok hightops (once again, 1984). 

You take one look and give him a high 2.

After slamming shots with your sisters, brothers, best friends, second best friends, runner ups, and acquaintances... you take another look at "him" and he is closing in on a high 8. 

And then...
after a few sloppy dog kisses that sober you up -- instantly -- like a pot of black coffee,
Oh, shit!
He's a total ONE!

OMG, did anybody just see me swapping spit with that dude?

AND more importantly "WHERE did all the Benettons in America go?"

Thursday, September 8, 2011

"mommy, mommy"

Mommy, Mommy -- not so ordinary
How did your day go??

With a silver can
It all began

I went for a ginger-ale
Took a big gulp and went pale

At 9:00 am, Do YOU KNOW WHAT is in YOUR CAN of a refreshing beverage?
This is what was in my can: 


PS look before drink!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

500.

five hundred.  onehundred times five.  twohundredandfifty times two.  this is my five hundredth drivelish post. 

five hundred.  wow-za!  yay!  holy cow (for all my friends from India -- the country)! 

Happy Anniversary!

And for all my readers, I give you all five-hundred-post-old edible undies!  Don't forget to read the "fine print".  The wording makes me laugh!  I hope you all have a good laugh today!  Screw laugh lines, the rest of your body will enjoy the rejuvenating laughter... that is what keeps us young (even if you look OLD!)!!!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Labour of Love

Happy Labor Day to All!  Enjoy your day off of everything!  No work, no housework, no chores, no errands, no bills to pay, no cooking, no to-do lists.... just sit and do nothing.  Well, maybe throw in a sit-up or two ...



Sunday, September 4, 2011

why doesn't this work for me?


I wish I could play possum... effectively. 

I silently lay upon my pillow, covers pulled up to my nose, and heavy snory breathing.   But it never fails that someone in my family always wakes me up.  On the one day that I get to sleep until 6:45am instead of 5:45am. 

The day I get to play possum... is the day I won't be playing. 

And on that note, I would much rather be stirred awake by someone in my family. 

Sleep is overrated!

Just keep me caffeinated!

Thank you, God, for supplying three McDonald's restaurants in a 2 mile radius so that I may quickly rejuvenate with $1 Diet Cokes and $1 Coffees... all day long!

PS  This possum lives in my fig tree. 

Friday, September 2, 2011

change did not go well...

So... the http:// remains the same as it was before all the forewarnings.  UGH...  nothing is as easy as it seems in blog world.

So....

BOOOOO!

http://melissatellier.blogspot.com/

change

I hope you have not made the minor change!  You are still at:
http://melissatellier.blogspot.com/

No, I have not been on a much-needed-wanted-desired vacation to India or Russia or Indonesia.  Although those destinations all sound fabulous.   I was just giving my parents and two readers ample time to note the change and make the change.  That didn't change... because all my posts would be lost. UGH.

So...
Now that you are all here.

BOOOOOO!

I swear I stopped eating before slumbering... so what happens last night??  Another dream!  Frankly, every sleeper dreams every night... it's just whether we remember our fantasies or not.  Perhaps it is the FOOD that makes me recall my dreams... because I know for a fact that I have dreamt for the last xxxx whole lotta years and I have never remembered any dreams.  

Get this one:

I was inhaling and exhaling and huffing and puffing as fast as I could... SMOKING!  CIGARETTES!  Oh My God!  I was practicing how to smoke.  What drags appeared the coolest (in front of a mirror).  And then simultaneously smoking while chewing gum so I could hide the smell.  Then smoking while driving with the window down so I could tap my ashes out the window... well actually the entire cigarette fell out the window.  Then I zoomed away as fast as I could from the other surrounding vehicles because I did not want my unextinguished cigarette to blow up some person's gas and/or oil leaking non-emission-passing-failed-inspection vehicle. 

And the dream came about all because of a trip to a general surgeon where upon I was asked FIVE times if I was a smoker.  The first time I said "NO".  And by the fifth time I said "NOT YET".  I was having my hernia consulted.  And I thought, "what does smoking have to do with a hernia?"  Surely, I haven't been lifting 75 cartons of cigarettes. 

Well, I never got my answer to the hernia-smoking relationship. 

And I don't even know how I got my dream cigarette lit because "I am afraid of matches and lighters"!  YUP, that's right... I don't even light candles! 

So, there's something that you didn't know about me.  Shhh!  It's a secret!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

change

PS


Dear Mom and Dad (and my two other readers):

Please note the upcoming change:

... there is no change ...
oops
... there is no change ...

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

change

PS
Dear Mom and Dad (and my two other readers):

Please note the upcoming change:

oops no change oops

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

side note:

I apologize to all of you who search "tennis" or "tennis racket" or some other word regarding tennis ...

and for some unknown reason you turn up at some drivel-full blog with no famous tennis players.  Expecting something somewhat relevant to tennis.  And worse yet, it's just a small blog written by someone who totally sucks at tennis.  Although I love wearing tennis skirts.

But I thank you for reading my "wee tennis" story.  Or any other story.

I guess it could be worse, you could be searching for words like "giada's boobs" and get dumped onto my drivel ... which would be very upsetting.  For you.  And I am sorry if that happens.

PS 
Dear Mom and Dad (and my two other readers):
Please note the upcoming change:
 oops no change oops

Monday, August 29, 2011

lice is nice

Dear God,

I promise to stop ingesting my entire day's worth of calories before I go to bed.   Because, I swear, the food makes me CRAZY.  I mean, CRAZY DREAMS all night long. 

* Forget about the heartburn.
* Forget about the potential weight gain.
* Forget about the tooth decay.

What about the dreams?  Please God don't let them mean something!!  Because I really do not have the required amount of time to deal with the following mishaps.

Hope you're listening,
Your fellow listener,
~ m

So, last night, I dreamt about LICE.  Lice that erupted from white dandelion puffs.  The puffs that you blow and instead of spreading pollen -- it spread lice!  They were everywhere and I couldn't get the lice out of my house or children's hair.  And as I scrubbed and tugged and pulled and combed and weeded and separated my little one's hair strand by strand she announced, "LICE IS NICE".  And I laughed.

I woke myself up laughing. 

The dream prior to lice was about someone breaking into my home... and I grabbed a pistol.  But I could not remember the "rules" governing southern law. 
Can I shoot them with their back to me? 
Or do they have to be facing me?
And should I aim at their feet to deter the flee?
Or their arms so they can't run out the doors carrying baby gear?
And I couldn't comprehend why someone would break and enter for a wooden highchair or a used baby bjorn???
So I put a sign on my door, "8423 has better stuff -- they have teenagers".

Once and for all, I believe I have learned my lesson, NO FOOD AFTER 5pm.  Or at least four hours before slumbering.

PS  Please don't analyze my dreams, it really was the food intake prior to sleeping!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Heat Waves bring Autumn Faves

Now that I (literally) have nothing to wear... (remember my 75% donation post??)... I have a shopping list.  A list that contains a few trends.  And not my usual "mom-tume" of tennis skirts or running tees
or low riding (thong showing) bootcut denim. 

I am dreaming of a white (very white) Christmas... because all of these boots are on my list:

The "DEE" Boot by "Me Too"



The Channing Boot by UGG

The Rainboot by Calvin Klein

Don't forget the cowboy boot for all you southern and not so southern fashionistas!

And, Thank You Heavens, for TARGET who has a few of their own 2011affordable fashion trends (because you just spent all your money on BOOTS.)




 
What is on your list???

I am anxiously awaiting the cool morning  I can don a college sweatshirt.
Perhaps, this autumn my favorite one will be a Vassar College sweatshirt.