Out to Lunch

Hurry.  Hurry.  Hurry.
Always in a rush.
Rushing for nothing, really.

Anybody else have those kind of moments?

After school, we were in a "rush" to start and complete homework.  We were in a hurry to start, complete, and eat dinner.  We were in a rush to finish a project.  To do dishes.  To make lunches. 

My daughter unpacked her backpack and brought me her lunch box.  I checked it.  Pretzels left over from today's lunch.  Check.  Water bottle replaced with a new water bottle.  Check.  I put the lunch box in the refrigerator.  To get it off the counter and out of the way.  And there it stayed.

Daughter:  "How was your day?"
Me:  "Busy.  And yours?"
D:  "Do you really want to know how my day was?  Because I am tellling you that it was great until 11:45am.  And do you want to know why it was horrible after that?"
Me:  "Wellllll...."
D:  "I'll tell you why.  BECAUSE I'M STARVING.  I MEAN REALLY STARVING.  LIKE SUPER, SUPER HUNGRY!" 
Me:  "Oh no!"
D:  "I wondered why my lunch box was so light.  I had no idea what was going on."
Me:  "It's an early April Fools!"  ha ha ha.  "Thank goodness you had pretzels and water still in there."
D:  "My friends couldn't believe their eyes.  How embarrassing!"
Me:  "You could have at least eaten your pretzels!"
D:  "I couldn't eat after looking inside my empty lunch box."

double. Or plus one?

I really really suck at my part-part-part-time job.

I am never punctual.
I am never consistent.
I am never remembering.

Being a "Tooth Fairy" is tough!!

My daughter has lost 5 teeth in three weeks.  Who does that?  And what does she have -- "Super Teeth"?  Or is it just a test of the reality of the "Tooth Fairy"?

OK, I know, being a "Tooth Fairy" is not difficult.  Actually, it's quite easy.  You wait until the newly detoothed child is asleep.  You slip into their room.  You grab the tooth.  And replace it with the monetary gift of choice. 

So, HOW can I possibly mess this job up ... each and every time??

1.  Totally forgot about the tooth.  Even though it was pulled at the Dentist office less than 6 hours ago. 

2.  The tooth fairy forgot again.  Tooth Fairy slipped money under pillow during breakfast.

3.  Tooth Fairy went to bed and never woke up ... until she heard the "SHE FORGOT AGAIN" scream at 6 o'clock in the morning.  Tooth fairy came the next evening.

4.  Tooth Fairy remembered the MONEY.  But she forgot to take the tooth.

5.  Tooth Fairy took the tooth but forgot the money!  She needs to revisit.

In our house, we have a tooth fairy rule that was established at the very beginning... 5 years ago.  "IF the TOOTH FAIRY doesn't come, then she brings DOUBLE the next night."  

So that brings us to the fifth tooth...
And that brings me to my question:
If the detoothed child receives one dollar, and the tooth fairy forgets one night, then the following night she brings two dollars.  But what is the amount to be received if the tooth fairy forgets to visit on the second night?  Does she double the two dollars, now making four dollars for the third night?  Or does she just add one dollar, making three dollars for the third night?  I know how to double.  But does an eight year old? 

Let's vote:
A.  Four Dollars    or      B.  Three Dollars

I now propose a toast to all past, present, and future "Tooth Fairies".    Because being a tooth fairy is tough!
And financially draining, in my situation!

wacky wednesday waffs - my all time favorite

wacky wednesday waffs

wacky wednesday waffs

Go and get yourself a bottle of wine.  Hurry, it is exactly:  1-11-11 at 1:11 a.m.

And open a second bottle of wine on 1-11-11 at 1:11 p.m.

{Pause "Days of Our Lives" and ... oh, wait a minute!  I realized it was the wrong year AFTER the second bottle of wine.  At least, I didn't remember before the first bottle was tapped.}

HaPpY fErMeNtInG dAy!

wacky wednesday waffs

Now that the holiday season is officially over, I say, "Screw the New Years Resolution"!

wacky wednesday waffs

My New Years Resolution:  MORE LAUGHTER! 

Screw fine lines.

I am looking forward to craters!

Oh, and new panties!

Merry Christmas

wacky wednesday waffs

To honor and cherish the upcoming holiday:

wacky wednesday waffs

What I Have Realized

...that on school holidays, when all 5.3 of us exist in one common area called the "home", I have realized this:

There is NOT enough CAFFEINE in the house to get me through a day!  Coffee, hot tea, iced tea, diet coke... really, it's just NOT enough!   My body does not even respond to anything less than 52 ounces of some sort of caffeine. 

But on the flip side, my bladder is probably thankful.

wacky wednesday waffs

wacky wednesday waffs

wacky wednesday waffs

give.thanks.two

I love celebrating holidays.

'Tis the Season!

I am thankful that I have three sweet girls to help me plan, prepare, create, and celebrate. 

The girls have chosen picture #2.  An edible turkey.  

We will be making this adorable turkey to quench our appetites as we prepare the big meal.  

His name will be "sweetheart lippies".  

(I, honestly, cannot even begin to explain that one...)

What are your Thanksgiving Day plans?

Decorations?

Menu?

Games?

{Make a wish -- it is exactly, 11/11/11 at 1:11 am)

{Make another wish -- it will be, 11/11/11 at 11:11am, 1:11pm, and 11:11pm}

give.thanks.one

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, which is coming soon -- I am fairly certain.  Because IF I knew the current date, without having to calculate back to August to get to today, then I would be able to inform you of the 14 days available.

And that brings us to ... TODAY.

Today, I give thanks. 

I am sincerely grateful for MR. CLEAN'S MAGIC ERASER!  Particularly thankful that they arrive in a package of two.  A six-pack would be desirable.  But since a few "6-pack cleaners" are minimally sporting two-packs after bearing children, a "two-pack" is more apropos!  Or could the two-pack symbolize the "one for each hand" cliche?  I wonder...

Mr. Clean has taken up permanent residence in my home -- he resides in a well-appointed closet.  Always within reach.  Always available.

Since Mr. Clean exists and delivers as promised, I am also thankful that my little one only covered 8 out of 323 tiles with a RED SHARPIE!!  Yes, that's ONLY 2% of the flooring.   A small number overall.  And, I am still smiling after this kind of day ... a close your eyes, count to ten, and be grateful kind of day. 

**The best news is that ... I was really growing weary of those tiles.**  

It's Friday!

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

And... "WINE O'CLOCK"... sums it up!

Sometimes, "Wine O'Clock" arrives earlier and earlier.  Especially after toddler days that are quite humorous.   And perhaps, a bit draining. 
"No, don't throw my keys in the toilet."
"No, don't scream and point -- use your words (the good words)." 

Although, I think I am being a downer with all the "No Words".  Let's try something new...

"Yes, let's see if the keys will float -- never mind that the remote will no longer work!"
"Yes, let's all scream and point -- I hope it works for me, too!"
"Yes, let's all pull out every single toy in our home and leave them out.  First one to break a leg -- gets ice cream every day for a week!"

Last night, according to my toddler -- any event that happened in the past is announced as last night, at bedtime the toddler decided to experiment with mouth noises.  Loud noises -- like distorted raspberries.  Loud obnoxious blowing bubblish kind of noises. 

After each newly created noise, she would ask, "Daddy, does the kitty like this noise?"
And after each question regarding her noise, Daddy did not respond.  Apparently, he thought that if he did not say anything then she would just stop with the noise making.  However, with this toddler, that does not work.  Because she is like the little energizer bunny... and she will keep going and going and going... until she receives an answer. 

We are up to the umpteenth noise and recurring question, "Daddy, does the kitty like this noise?"

And finally... AN ANSWER:

"NO, NOBODY LIKES THOSE NOISES!" responds Daddy.

{Toddler grew very quiet.  And she quietly said, "But I do!"}

And I laughed.  And laughed.  Because sometimes life is just really funny.  Well, maybe not to everyone...and I suppose you had to be there... but it was really funny.  And I still laugh.  And toddler, she is great at retelling the story!  And I continue to laugh every time she retells the "noise story".

it's still a me week.

And according to the rest of the family, the week isn't going so well. 

I am receiving a lot of feedback, but the critiquing tones are not very pleasant. 

As one daughter says, "this is a mighty long week".  I had to remind her that it is only Tuesday.  The second day of the week.  Only three more days to go.

As another daughter says, quite regularly, "meanie, blahhhh!". 

And another daughter states, "I don't like this".  Probably because she is not being fed red dye #21 on a regular dietary basis. 

And hubby, he's hanging in there -- barely.  I have to admit, he still looks good even after sleeping in the kitchen last night. 

survival

Hopefully, you all survived your 5 day revamp week.  We will take a break this week and call it a "me" week.  Well, your week would be a "you" week not a "me" my 'my drivel' kind of week. 

For starters, hubby is in charge of the kids this week.  Morning, Afternoon, and Evening.  From sunup to sundown.  I wonder what he will look like by Friday?  Aw, hell, I wonder what he will look like by Tuesday morning?! 

Who is watching your children this week?!

5. Double Happy

Laugh.  A lot.
Smile.  Often.
Grin.  Always.

It is day five of my "revamp myself" week.  And I want to make sure I am living the Chinese Kanji Symbol of "Double Happiness".   I want to make sure I take several moments throughout my days to "enjoy the small things"... a meltdown, a tantrum, a scream from the discomfort of incoming teeth, a scornful look from the mommy mafia, a mumsy once-over from the Jones', or a glass of spilled milk. 

Because reality is... I will never have the opportunity to live this day over.  This exact moment in time will quickly become a part of the past. 

So, readers and friends...

EMBRACE today!
EMBRACE your life!
EMBRACE where you stand at this moment!

EMBRACE, people, EMBRACE!

Because, "WHY LIMIT HAPPY TO AN HOUR?"