Sunday, August 9, 2009

WANTED: fleas and dander and chiggers

Does a "Flea and Dander Shop" exist? Anywhere? Local? Cyber? Perhaps, a call to the local 'bait' shop could send me in the right direction.

We are expecting two visitors soon. Visitors who shall remain nameless and faceless, yet definitely thoughtless. The visitors just need a place to sleep while they are en route to their final destination. We are just a free hotel room for less than 15 hours. I don't mind. It is really no bother. It is family. It is not troublesome. That is, it wasn't an issue, UNTIL ...

I began receiving emails (NOT 1, BUT several) on how to make the visitors MOST comfortable during their stay. At first, I laughed. And then, I got irritated. NOW, I am just pi$$ed.

No, I will NOT provide breakfast for you before your departure at 6:30 AM.

No, I will NOT set the coffee maker to brew at 5:45 AM.

No, I will NOT provide STARBUCKS COFFEE only. (There are like 4 cafes down the street in a three mile radius and I will take a NF Mocha Grande with extra caffeine!)

No, I will NOT provide a pet-free room for you.

No, I will NOT vacuum before your arrival.

No, I will NOT insure that there is NO dust or dirt or anything else ... in the AIR.
No, I will NOT set my thermostat at 68 degrees.

No, I will NOT set my hot water heater at 140 degrees.

No, I probably won't be able to be very cordial. Even while imbibing.

I love visiting and being visited ... is this the NEW visiting protocol? HELP!?! One word frequently comes to mind: HOTEL!

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