Sunday, September 20, 2009

another year?

anniversaries are like birthdays... they keep coming.  even if you are single, anniversaries keep coming.  you know, three years since the divorce.  two years since last boyfriend.  one year since last romantic interlude (yes, code for ... you know).   and the anniversary traditional gift list should be for the married and the single.  because really, who wants what's on that list anyhow?  if you're single, you can buy yourself a gift - one that you actually want.  and if you're married, you can ... i don't know ... compromise!?!

First - paper
(I think this means:  GIVE ME SOME MONEY!!  I AM TIRED OF SHARING!)
[singletons:  GIVE ME SOME MONEY!!!  quite universal]

Second - cotton
(Is it GRANNY PANTY season already???  The honeymoon really is OVER!)
[singletons:  new clothes because i am sitting at the bar, listening to my favorite song on K13]

Third - leather
(Don't buy that WHIP!!!  I want a trip to Italy!)
[singletons:  leather pants, leather mini, leather thong... woo hoo!]

Fourth - fruit/flowers
(What's that?  a blossoming peach tree?)
[singletons:  yes, i'll buy my own damn flowers!]

Fifth - wood
(Honey, yes, I really do LOVE that 6 foot carved totem pole you created with all our heads!)
[singletons:  money - it does grow on trees!]

Sixth - candy
(Don't even think about it... but what it really means, I think, is to go somewhere that is like going to a candy store and that place is called NEW YORK CITY!)
[singletons:  yes, i can eat candy for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert without guilt!]

Seventh - copper
(Only if it cost a LOT of pennies ... like at least 100,000 pennies!)
[singletons:  MONEY]

Eighth - bronze
(that translates as a trip to Tahiti, honest, it is the best place to receive bronzed skin!)
[singletons:  fake and bake!]

Ninth - pottery
(time to replace the kitchen and its dishes/utensils ... because once you replace the dishes, you will need a new kitchen in which to 'house' your wares.)
[singletons:  piggy bank]

Tenth - tin
(no, we are not wisking away to OZ ... maybe they want us to drink more caffeine and alcohol!)
[singletons:  beer]

Eleventh - steel
(the steel doors to replace the wooden doors so that we can lock each other inside when their is an "ITCH" going on.)
[singletons:  Everclear!  steel:tin as everclear:beer]

Twelfth - silk
(self explanatory ... to cure the ITCH.)
[singletons:  SILK, lots of SILK - sheets, pillow cases, eye masks, robes, blankets, pajamas, boxers, thongs]

Thirteenth - lace
(self explanatory ... still curing the ITCH.  BUT I don't think men should don lace.)
[singletons:  fredericks or victoria's? red or black? alot or alittle?]

Fourteenth - ivory
(isn't that illegal?)
[singletons:  not white!]

Fifteenth - crystal
(isn't that illegal, too?  But I will take that trip to Barneys for new stemware)
[singletons:  scotch comes in crystal?]

Sixteenth to Nineteenth - ignored, not acknowledged, must be crises years.
[singletons:  not ignored - botox, restylane, lipo, tummy tuck]

Twentieth - china
(are we too old to travel to the far east?)
[singletons:  trade china and other valuables in for new sports car]

Twenty-first to Twenty-fourth - once again, ignored.  unaccounted for.
[singletons:  not ignored, adding to list - butt lift, more lipo, face lift, eye lift]

Twenty-fifth - silver
(there is a silver lining!)

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