Thursday, September 10, 2009

definition of pining...

pining (v) 1. to suffer intense longing or yearning. 2. to wither or waste away from longing or grief. 3. intense grieving, mourning, or longing.

Boyfriend Z, Boyfriend's parents, and I were out to dinner. I was new to the workforce. I was new to the area. I was new to this particular family. I was new to the feeling of hatred!

Father-in-law wannabe announced, "I see you are PINING for my son."

Stunned into silence me could only utter, "HUH?"

Father-in-law wannabe continued, "You see, we like you better than Ex-A, Ex-B, and Ex-C. So please don't screw this up!"

Flabbergasted me wanted to PUKE, "What?"

"Honey," said Mother-in-law wannabe, "Can't you see, SHE doesn't know what PINING means? Oh, and son, she is of good size - she will never get FAT by eating greens - and she can always get silicone implants. (But make sure she gets them before you two get engaged so we don't have to pay for this one, you know I am still paying off the last girl's.)"

Silent me shouted in my head, "You all are Friggin' LUNATICS!"

Boyfriend Z just sat there like the A$$ hole that he was (and is, I'm sure). He loved the ridicule. He loved the one-sided banter. He flunked out of college and received pleasure by making others feel DUMB.

I remained in my seat throughout that long meal and never commented.

So here's my chance:

"HEY Z FAMILY ... I responded with WHAT because, frankly, I was speechless! I know what the freakin' PINING word MEANS. It just happens that I can't believe I sat there and took your ABUSE. Yes, ABUSE. And by the way, I am the one laughing now!

Father-in-law wannabe: You're a bitter old man who hasn't gotten "ANY" in years! Perhaps you actually meant to use the word PINNING. As in, my son is trying to pin a wife so people don't assume he is gay!

Mother-in-law wannabe: You're ONLY married because FATTY has MONEY!!

And as for you, Boyfriend Z: YOU ARE FAT AND BALD AND STILL A LOSER LIVING WITH MOMMY AND DADDY! AND STOP GOOGLING ME!!!! I can still finish a 100 mile bike race faster than you. I can run faster than you. I am still smarter than you. I still have more degrees than you. I still have smaller boobies than you. You are still competing with me, but go ahead because you will NEVER win! I don't need to google you (I have an acquaintance who occasionally fills me in on your one-sided competition with me). And I am still laughing!"

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