tomorrow

I learned a very difficult lesson today.  It's painful, really.
About tomorrow.

I have a friend -- more than just an acquaintance.  The kind of friend that you can call and pick up where you left off... two months ago, ten months ago, two years ago.  That kind of friend.

And she was my hand surgeon's assistant.  I lost two fingers and gained a friend.  I call that "lucky".  I saw her daily for three years as my hand was being reconstructed.  Her smile lights up a room and on some of those dark mornings, I needed a smile thrown my way.

And then life happens, it returns to normal - marriages, kids, jobs, etc.

So this year was the first I did not receive a Christmas photo card. I did not put  much thought into it -- but it occasionally crossed my mind... because she was the type of friend that always sent holiday greetings. Consistently.

And then I learned that "tomorrow may never come for someone you care about".  

In just a few short months, while I was busy managing the nine-month-flu, placenta previa and a newborn, my friend managed to get cancer, go through chemo, and die.  All in a blink of an eye. 

I am so sorry Carla S.  I am so sorry.
I wasn't there.  At all.  I didn't even know.  I wasn't there.  Oh God, I wish I had known.  She is gone.  And I didn't even say good-bye.  I didn't even say anything at all.  Carla passed the day my baby was baptized; four months ago.  I didn't even know.  Until today. 
I am so sorry.  Gut wrenching sorrow.  Nauseating sorrow.  It hurts.  I would have said something, anything.  I would have smiled at her in return. 

Carla, I miss you.