for the love of...

MONDAY.

My day began at 12:16 am.  That's right.  I just couldn't wait to start the week so I started Monday a bit on the early side.  I should clarify, not by choice. 

My middle little woke up vomiting.  Yup, that's right.  Vomiting. 

The good news is that it isn't flu related.  Nor cold related.  Nor virus related.  Whew!

Her illness is garlic-related.

"Poison Control, can I help you?"
"Oh, yes, please.  My daughter drank and ate an excessive amount of garlic."
"Ma'am, can you repeat that please?"
"M y   d a u g h t e r   d r a n k   a n d   a t e   a n   e x c e s s i v e   a m o u n t   o f   g a r l i c."  I repeat.
"Garlic?"
"Yes, G-A-R-L-I-C."
No response.  So I continued...
"She drank an entire large bowl of what could be called "garlic soup".   So that garlic was cooked.  But she also ate several cloves of garlic while we were gardening."
"Raw garlic?"
"Yes, I plant garlic bulbs next to my freshly planted flowers and vegetables.  It keeps the bugs away.  Apparently bugs do NOT like garlic like we do."
"I need to put you on hold."
"Hold?  What for, I need to know what to do?"
"For garlic poisoning?"
"Yes, for garlic poisoning.  You see, her vomit smells horrible!  She smells horrible.  I can smell her on the other side of the house.  I cannot even hear the phone ring from the other side of the house, but I can smell her.  She SMELLS bad!!!"
---- ON HOLD ----
"Well, garlic is not toxic."
"So, she doesn't have some Toxic Garlic Syndrome?"
"Garlic is really quite healthy in moderate dosages."
"We love garlic here, so what do you consider moderate?"
"One clove at the most -- for each person."
"Well, she must have had 8 or 9 raw bulbs and who knows how much when it was cooked?"
"Like I said, moderation.  All she will have is a very upset stomach.  Please try to give her bland foods over the next 24 hours.  No spices.  No sugar.  Nothing but plain rice.  Or plain potatoes.  PLAIN foods."
"Yes, bland foods, got it.  So, she is okay?  I don't need to take her into the ER to have the rest of her stomach pumped?"
"No."

Back to bed with a very smelly garlicky child.  The garlic is oozing out of her pores. 

By 8:00am, middle little has had three showers.  The first shower was at 12:31 am.  And she still stinks.  But, she's clean!

At 8:03am, the phone rings.  It is the pediatrician. 

"Garlic poisoning?" Dr. S bursts out laughing.
"Well, better safe than sorry."  I suggest.
"The poison control has to report the phone call with us.  In case I need to see your daughter for a follow up visit."
"I think we are doing okay.  She just smells soooo bad.  Can I bathe her in tomato juice like you would if you got skunk spray on you?"
"You can try it.   But it will just take time.  Remember, bland foods."
"Yes, I am glad it was just garlic and not lysol."
"Have a great week.  And call us if you need anything."

Off to school...
"Oh, my!" exclaims the teacher.
"Oh, yes, I should warn you that my middle little has an undesirable odor today.  She ate a lot of garlic yesterday.  And, well, now today... she just smells really horrible."
"Well, well, well..."  speechless teacher responds.

HAPPY MONDAY TO ALL!

recaps of the last six weeks

9.  Appointments have taken over my life.

Obgyn, Pediatrician, Dentist, Orthodontist, General Surgeon, Family Physician, Optometrist, Mammogramist, Podiatrist... I am kind of thanking God I don't have to visit a Proctologist.  Yet.  I suppose. 

My husband has been reminding me to make an appointment at an optometrist office.  I am not sure what his real motive is in bringing the subject up - recently, on a daily basis.  Our eldest daughter needs to visit one for this current year -- surely, that cannot be the reason for his daily watercooler chat regarding eyes.  And, really I am amazed at my husband's sudden on-going interest in optometry because he cannot recall any of my other one-sided conversations over the past six weeks. 

So, daughter #1 and I venture off to the "eye doctor" for a morning of dilation fun!! 

Sidenote: 

Surprise, Surprise... I am older than this doctor TOO !  Currently, I am older than all our doctors except my OB.  Seriously thinking about changing all doctors so that they are all older than me!  During my initial call, I need to ask how long these doctors have been practicing before I commit to an appointment.  This eye doctor probably graduated last May.  I am hoping he already passed his exams.

We had a few minutes of waiting time in the exam room.  We passed the time away by MEMORIZING the Eye Chart!  Yes, that's right.   I helped my daughter CHEAT on her eye exam.  

The eye doctor arrived and asked me to sit in the hotseat to demonstrate the proper way to read the chart without squinting, staring, or over-focusing.  No problem.  I have these letters memorized.  Plus, my Lasik is holding up well! 

Victoria passed with flying colors! 

But not me... OH NO... I need READING GLASSES.  The advanced-age eyewear.  Farsighted?  How can this be?  I was Nearsighted before... like I was considered legally blind for driving... with a 20/450 vision on a good day!  This conclusion was reached during my "demonstration", I was then sent for dilation, and reprimanded for memorizing the wrong chart!   What are there -- hidden cameras in the exam room?!

NO MORE READING FOR ME. 

PS These glasses make me dizzy.  I don't think they are working. 

PPS I have only worn them ONCE.

PPPS  I am really not reading anymore. 

in denial ...

Reclining in room number 5 of my OB's clinic.  I am admiring the blank monitor as it reads my name and birthdate and baby's estimated due date when the ultrasound tech enters room 5. 

She begins to prep me for my ultrasound to (a.) determine gender and (b.) verify that the baby is healthy.

Ultrasound tech begins to move the wand over my belly, "abracadabra, show me a sign".  "Abracadabra, baby move your legs".

The brain looks great.  The heart is beating at 147 bpm.  There are four chambers, whew.  The spine is good.  The flesh at the base of the neck is in proportion.  Baby is cooperating.  The wand magically sweeps below the bottom and ...
I shout, "IT's A BoY!"

The ultrasound tech did not acknowledge my shout, so I did it again, "IT's A BoY!" 

She responded this time, "Actually, that is the umbilical cord."

You know, I have had so many ultrasounds in all my pregnancies that I clearly knew how to read one.  So I asked her to show me again.  And again.  And again. 

Exasperated, she finally went to get the Doctor.  The real ultrasound reading professional.

Doctor entered the room and waved the magic wand over my belly and declared, "Please give my condolences to your husband.  No single household should have that much estrogen under one roof." 

sabbatical is over...

I always take time off during my 'hand' anniversary to reflect on life and gratitude. 
There are so many things to be grateful for! 

1.   LASIK
2.   Breast Augmentation
3.   Tummy Tuck
4.   Slim Fast
5.   Prosthetics
6.   Single doctors
7.   Meds
8.   Bed rest
9.   Doctor's note
10. Sympathy

And on this day, we can also be reminded of the woes of David Letterman and Kate Gosselin.  Can losing  fingers compare to blackmail?  or to a messy divorce?

thirteen.years.it.has.been

i.lost.ONE.finger.or.TWO
definitely ONE.  definitely the use of TWO.

it was not the best day of my life.
october.3.1996

i had a cut that resembled a papercut.  not open.  not deep.  not threatening. until I came in contact with a person with strep throat.  the strep infection invaded my cut via coughing or sneezing.  it became staph infection.  THE FLESH-EATING BACTERIA.  GANGRENE.

for those of you who know:  you can skip this post.

for those of you who don't know: 

1.  WASH YOUR HANDS
2.  NEVER KISS A "BOO-BOO", EVER!  (KISS NEXT TO IT, AROUND IT, ABOVE IT, BELOW IT... NEVER EVER ON IT!)
3.  NEVER PUT YOUR FINGERS IN YOUR MOUTH AFTER A PAPERCUT OR ANY OTHER TYPE OF CUT!
4.  PUT ON A BAND-AID.  YES, EVEN ON A PAPERCUT!

6 months in and out of the hospital. 
365 daily visits to a hand surgeon. 
10 hand surgeries.
4 long years of constant doctor monitoring.
40 prescriptions for pain pills.
1200 codeine tablets.  (not for sale)
1 prosthetic.
4 doctors. 
1 special doctor who saved my life and my hand.
1,000,000 dollars, at least.
1 conclusion: disability.
1 future possibility: more amputation.

THANK YOU, DR. BOB!  AND 'NURSES' CARLA AND DEBBIE!  You're my heroes!