So I have a JOKE. It is the ONLY joke I know. It is the ONLY joke I can remember. EVER. My funny, weaned on 4-letter words and liquor, Italian friend from Brooklyn told me this joke. About 25 years ago. And I have been told many jokes since then but I do NOT remember ANY of them. Not even the "knock-knock" ones on the restaurant cup that my children read daily.
DIRTY JOHNNY
Dirty Johnny is always late for school. Daily. On this particular day the teacher told Dirty Johnny that if he received ONE more tardy then he would have DETENTION for the rest of the year.
That night Dirty Johnny set his alarm, went to bed early, and woke up really early to his alarm.
He got dressed. Ate Breakfast. Brushed his teeth. And got on his bike to ride to school.
He pedaled really fast. He was going along just fine. He checked his watch. Plenty of time. He turned the corner. Still pedaling real fast. He checked his watch again. Plenty of time.
All of a sudden, he saw a dog get hit by a bus.
Dirty Johnny stopped to help the dog. He checked his watch again. Uh-Oh.
Dirty Johnny got back on his bike. Pedaled really fast all the way to school. Ran inside. Ran to his desk.
"Dirty Johnny", shouted his teacher. "YOU are LATE! That's it! Detention for the rest of the year!"
"But, teacher, teacher, you don't understand," replied Dirty Johnny. "I got up really early. I got ready. I had plenty of time. I got on my bike. I pedaled really fast. I checked my watch. I still had plenty of time. I turned the corner. And BAM, a dog got hit in the A$$ by a Bus!"
"Dirty Johnny, it's RECTUM", corrected his teacher.
"Wrecked him? Wrecked him???" "God damn bus nearly f*ckin' killed him!"
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