Friday, July 30, 2010

cynicism: the new alligator

This new alligator is sewn on the left breast of (almost) every shirt I own and wear.  The alligator is deceiving because it appears to be the real Lacoste.  But this special "cynicgator" has its big tongue sticking out and it's pointing at everyone I pass.   Especially if I happen to point my left breast in your direction. 

Sarcasm goes hand-in-hand.

So, I ran into ... "Joe the Happy Guy and his equally dysfunctional fungus-like Wife".  We, meaning the entire small big town in which we reside, all know they are full of shit -- quite up their eyebrows.  They put on airs of happiness for their own benefit, I suppose.  Because ... really who talks like that???  Nobody I really know.  Only the SURFACE types!?

"HI.  How are you?  (They approached and inquired, not really meaning the question, but using it out of fake courtesy)"

"Ahhh... (before I am cut-off/interrupted)"

"We ARE GREAT.  I mean REALLY FANTASTIC.  LIFE is so GOOD.  I can't BELIEVE how GREAT life is and how GREAT we are doing.  Everything is so GREAT."

"Oh, that's... (before I am chopped off again and wondering who asked how they were doing?)"

"We have ONE child and she is BRILLIANT, FANTASTIC, GREAT, EXCEPTIONAL.  YOU just don't know how GREAT it is to be a PARENT or to have a CHILD."

"No, I .... (cut-off again and still wondering who asked?)"

"I mean, isn't it GREAT how life turns out so PERFECTLY?  We are SO SO HAPPY !!!"

"Well, nice to see you both again, I do hope you sell your FORECLOSED home, FIND a JOB, and child A gets accepted into the MAINSTREAM program at school!" 

(because this IS small town knowledge and I walk off with a GIANT smile :+)

Because who really talks this way?
And IF they do really talk this way, is it true?
Do you believe them?
Who are they posturing for?
Who are they kidding?
Six positive adjectives in one fast breath, are they serious?
I have a tiny bit of guilt for not believing them, but do you believe them?
Haven't they learned that it is better to say nothing at all than to drivel in 'imposter' greatness?
Do you have a headache, too???
One compound word:  GASBAG!
Please get me a Tylenol.  Or three.  Or an imposter daquiri.

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