Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Word Kill

Coffee. Check.
Free time. Check.

Every morning, friend B logs onto the computer and begins her daily Internet ritual. First stop, mail. Inbox. And there waiting to be opened is her favorite email. The email that will fulfill her inferiority complex. The email that delusionally sets her upon a superiority stool. The email that ultimately makes her looks like an ass.

The "Word of the Day". The "Word of the Day" is interesting because it states, defines, and pronounces the new word. Unfortunately, however, it does not inform friend B how to correctly use this new word.

In the next twenty-four hours, friend B will use the "Word of the Day" as often as possible. Regardless of the current conversation and its context. Regardless of anything except the word that has been temporarily imprinted into her cerebrum. The WORD clouds out all reason and rationale. Friend B can only concentrate on THE word!

Six of us are gathered and we are currently discussing the political climate in D.C. Friend B interjects, "Based on my ERUDITION, remember, I am an English Major, blah, blah, blah!"

We stare at friend B, stunned into silence. Once again, we continue debating the last one-hundred days of the new president. Ten minutes later, friend B exclaims, "The ERUDITION I received at Kalamazoo College - now worth one-hundred thousand dollars - gives me the authority to be an expert on president B, blah, blah, blah!"

I cringe. Nobody speaks. I ponder erudition (extensive knowledge acquired chiefly from books). "Era-dee-shun" as friend B enunciates the "D" as if she lives in Spain. UGH! Friend B needs a "Webster" intervention.

Husband of friend B, speak up! She is torturing my ears. I cannot take this blatant word-kill. Friend B-husband has previously tried to curtail his wife's word obsession. But he is reprimanded and scolded with the overused "I AM AN ENGLISH MAJOR!"

Friend B has a desire to appear to be THE smartest person in the room. And in reality, SHE is the smartest dumbass in the room!

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