Thursday, April 7, 2011

what would you do?

Because I apparently have way too much free time on Wednesdays.

My friend and I met for coffee.  We needed some girl time, big girl time.  So we grabbed a table outside and sipped our over-caffeinated beverages. 

Our discussion turned to plastic surgery.  (Obviously it is still on my mind.  A lot.)  Would you do it?  That was the main question.  So, to answer honestly.  Or dishonestly.  That is the real question!

"I would never do that."
"I am going to age gracefully, oh, and naturally."
"I would never pay for that."
"I don't want to be like all the other plastic over-30 mommies."
"Can you believe that women are starting on the plastic road at 30?"

... and the statements vary from one responder to the next.  What staged answer should I use? 

So, for fun, we pull up some local websites that offer "mommy makeovers".  Have you heard of this new marketing trend?  A full makeover (and I am not talking blush and eyeshadow at the Lancome counter) costs upward of $15,000.  Tummy tuck, chin enhancer, lipo, breast lift, butt lift, fillers (cheeks, chin), upper arms, etc... 

(I say the trend is new, but in reality, it is just new to me.  Because everyone has already ventured down that road.  I am always the last to jump on board.  Remember, my house was one of the last to get high-speed internet?!)

We were laughing at the BEFORE and AFTER photos on X's website.  It is really unfortunate when the photographs of BEFORE are very similar to the AFTER.  Or if the BEFORE is more attractive than the AFTER. 

So laughing.  And laughing.

Until my friend lets out this terrifying SCREAM.  A real SCREAM.  And I laughed until I saw that she was serious about the scream.

"Shit, I cannot believe this," friend says.

"What?  That photograph isn't that scary,"  I respond.

"No, not that," friend has a hard time explaining.

"Huh?" I wait for an explanation.

"That one, that one there, that is my sister," friend sputters out.

"Nooooo!"  I digest her words.  "Really?" 

"Yes, that's my sister.  She never said anything.  She never ....  Shit,"  friend cannot finish.

"She is ___________," friend threatened.  (Although I don't really recall the exact words she used because it was like she was speaking in tongues.  Certainly not words my brain could comprehend.) 

"Well, if she was trying to keep her new body a secret then she shouldn't have given the X clinic permission to advertise her before/after."

Needless to say, coffee big girl time was interrupted and cut short.  I departed to return home.  And friend went to confront sister.  Sure wish I could have gone with her.  I couldn't make this shit up... I really wanted to know what happened next. 

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